Speaking of Thrillist … my other, non-poker gig … one thing we’ve learned over there is that Thrillist readers care way more about night clubs, booze, restaurants, race cars, and tiddy bars than they ever do about poker.
So I was a little surprised to get the numbers back from last week’s edition, where an item about Phil Hellmuth’s new website for his clothing line was the highest performer. Really? Yep … A decidedly non-pokery readership found the PokerBrat’s T-shirts and Pep Pills more intriguing than an MGM bar, a new gambling-themed wine, casino decor, and a corner of P-Ho where blackjack dealers wear lingerie:
Wear: PokerBrat Clothing
These surprisingly subtle tees come from the John McEnroe of poker, 11-time WSOP champ Phil Hellmuth, with highlights including “Poker Tree” (“grow that chip pile from a toothpick to a lumberyard”), and “Poker Skater”, harkening back to his U of Wisconsin transpo from barroom games back to his dorm. Less tastefully, Hellmuth also hawks books, DVDs, and “Go Heads-Up” energy pills, guaranteed to keep you at the table long enough to lose your subtle tee.
Check out shirts and more at PokerBrat.com
They really are some pretty cool shirts. But perhaps the scary thing is clicking through the site, where Hellmuth tries his hand at pokery grocery-store romance. Click below to read about a poker-bratty encounter with the woman who would later become his wife:
EXT. COUNTRY ROAD – LATER THAT NIGHT
She still kicks along. A motorbike headlight comes into view and soon does a U-Turnand coughs to a stop next to her.
PHIL Need a lift? And she skates past him. He sputters after her.
PHIL Let me give you a lift.
KATHY I was having fun in there until you ruined it!
PHIL Sometimes I just...get lost in poker. Sometimes--
KATHY Sometimes you're just a big asshole? You left me standing in the dark, Phil, in the parking lot of a tavern I didn't wannabe at in the first place! That hits him.
PHIL I'm sorry. You drive. (hegets off the cycle) I'll skate. The rest of the way.
KATHY Don't bluff me.
PHIL (bluffing) I'm not bluffing you.
KATHY Yes you are.
PHIL No I'm not.
KATHY Good. And she runs the motorcycle to a start and roars off. He stands in the dark and stares at the disappearing taillight. Shocked, he walks a few confused circles in the middle of the empty country road. Looks at the skateboard in his hands.
PHIL Son of a bitch. He starts kicking along on her board, into the night. OMITTED50 50 INT. KATHY'S APARTMENT - MUCH LATER THAT NIGHT51 51
KATHY opens the doorand is surprised to find a sweaty, scraped-up Phil, obviously a terrible skateboarder.
PHIL Wanted to make sure you got your skateboard back. She takes itand smiles at him, dishevelled...but charming. This guy IS relentless.
KATHY I don't like liking you. And she pulls him in for a kiss.
PHIL I don't like it that you don't like liking me. (kissing) But I get a feeling that you like it that I don't like it that you don't like liking me.
KATHY (laughing) Shut up. Now they're being watched by her Flaming Lipsposters as they pull off each other's shirts on her cheap couch. These are tough kids. Hungry. Lonely.