Circle Jerks, Poker with A-Rod, Fellatio al Lago

The Poker Bitch

by , Nov 2, 2010 | 6:32 am

Some may recognize me from Twitter, a few may have cracked my aces a time or two, and it’s possible that some of you were smart enough to jot down that number I left on the bathroom wall. If you don’t recognize me AT ALL, then you’re part of an exclusive group called “Almost Everyone”.

My name is Kim Shannon, and I’m all up in everyone’s bidness… which is why Pokerati invited me to share with you the poker gossip and celebrity “news”. My initial response was “I’d rather drink a thumbtack-and-jalapeno smoothie”, but then Dan reminded me that I still owe him a beej from a prop bet I lost… so here I am.

Let’s skip the gristle and get right to the bone, shall we, with what’s buzzing in poker … or wait, is that coming from my purse?

Clock Blocked

Word from the felt is that Daniel Negreanu and Andrew Robl have kissed and made up in the wake of a spat over last week’s episode of “The Big Game”, in which Negreanu & Tony G were poster children for fucked up poker etiquette. Poker bitching about implied collusion aside, I hadn’t seen so much high-fiving and snickering since I last got “Eiffel Towered” in a drunken MFM.

After the broadcast, Tony G redeemed himself by posting a quasi-apology, but Daniel kept the drama going with a post of his own expounding on Robl’s nittiness. I was in the middle of reading Robl’s rebuttal when I realized that I had been punching myself in the face the whole time over the pettiness of it all. However, I do feel the need to give Daniel a special award for managing to refrain from calling Robl a “cunt”.  Then, just as I was about to start placing bets on who would blow a gasket and sprain their vagina first, Negreanu ruined my fun by saying he has since called Robl and smoothed things over.

A-Rod’s Poker

Alex Rodriguez was in the Ivey Room at Aria with Jean-Robert Bellande last week — supposedly playing 50-100 NL with a couple non-pro Aria regulars. Tweeting from Haze Nightclub, @BrokeLivingJRB reported that A-Rod “won 3k” in the game, which sounds to me more like 5-10 without steroids — hardly enough for new pair of Yankee-caliber starter tits. Dealers say A-Rod tipped adequately, btw, tossing “like $36 in gravel” before leaving the game. Not one to hit-and-run, he was back at the tables a couple days later, playing 10-20 NL at Bellagio. John Kim snapped a pic. Orel Hersheiser (great first name, terrible last) also joined the action somewhere along the way.

Put Your Mouth Where Your Money Is?

And speaking of blowjobs… Huh? Oh, we weren’t? Oopsies. Well, we’re all definitely on the subject NOW; rumor has it that Phil Ivey was promising fellatio in lieu of a Wynn boycott. The buzz at 2+2 is that Ivey flipped out over a ruling on a craps roll and publicly promised to suck a little floor-cock, and maybe the croupier, too, if he ever returns to their tables.

Ivey went a little less homo at Bellagio, where he was drinking cognac and whiskey while shooting dice with 25-year-old pro golfer Andrew Kim. Review-Journal columnist Norm Clarke reports that Kim got so rowdy management had to step in and request he stop screaming “fuck!” and “hard six!” at the top of his lungs … because hookers could get offended and verbal is binding?

Elsewhere in the Game …

Marco Traniello and Jennifer Harman got remarried a couple weeks ago by an Elvis impersonator for their 10th anniversary. At least some people have enough decency to muster up fake happiness in front of a fake celebrity with a fake 11-inch peen in his jumpsuit.

Johnny Chan is hoping to land a spot on the new season of “Survivor”. Never thought Chan would try to follow in the footsteps of Annie Duke and Tiffany Michelle. Over/Under on getting tossed off the island more quickly than Jean-Robert Bellande?

Royal Flush Girl Melanie Iglesias was chosen as a Top 10 finalist for Maxim Magazine’s Hometown Hottie contest. Congrats. But Maxim? Yawn. Impress me when you get a full spread in Hustler’s Beaver Hunt.

Justin Smith knows what I’m talking about. The online pro better known as Boosted J attended a wrap party in LA for the movie “Detention”, where he went heads-up with Ron Jeremy, better known as the Phil Ivey of overweight hairy middle-aged porn stars.


You can follow @KimShannon on Twitter, and read more of her own insanity at Glaring Madness.


  • benjammin509

    After reading this column, I am glad that Kim Shannon has been brought to my attention.

  • DanM

    i agree, so long as you are not an attorney representing one of he above subjects.

  • waldoworld

    Welcome to the blog! This is the type of ego-bashing that poker needs right now. Poker douchebags beware!

  • http://www.murdersquad.net Will the Thryll

    I’ve been reading Kim “Sharpshootin’” Shannon (shitty nickname I just made up) on Twitter for ages, and I must say, I would not let my grandmother read her. But fuck me if I’m not entertained! Too good for just 140 characters. Great article!