I leave Texas and the Batfaces (so 2007) are clearly going to pot … except for all the good stuff they have to say, of course. While catching up on some of the not-so-relevant blogs out there, I came across this post from one of my best friends whom I don’t even know. All I can say is I would’ve expected as much from Shane, but with far better links:

PokerNOTi
I don’t know about you guys, but has Dan’s lack of content on Pokerati been somewhat disappointing? I’m not talking about Pokerati’s content, just what Dan has posted. My roommate in college first told me about Pokerati about 5 years ago, when most posts were about yall’s home games and the Dallas poker scene in general, and I have been a loyal reader ever since. When Dan started adding contributors like Karridy, and that Michele Lewis chick, I was excited because it seemed like he was getting “more serious.” Then Tom Schnieder came along, Cali Jen started posting, and Dan moved to Vegas and I thought, Wow, pokerati is going to be competing with Pauley’s website, taopoker.com as THE place to follow the WSOP. Man, what a let down. If it wasn’t for Cali Jen (who maybe the best poker writer in the business), and some dude named Kevin Mathews, there wouldn’t be any content. Sure, Dan has the Country Leaderboard, and the occasional 2 minute podcast with Pauley but that’s about it. Where is the live blog, the behind the scene’s stories, the Dallas player profiles, the inside scoop as to what is REALLY going on at the Rio???? Instead, we get pictures of a dumpster fire and talk about All-In Energy drink. Oh well, maybe next year.

It’s been fun keeping track of the 2008 WSOP by city-nation-state … taught me a lot about something — what exactly, I’m not yet sure. But I did get a clearer picture of just how significant the main event really is compared to all other poker tourneys. Just a little more than a week ago, I wrote:

Unless something really funky happens in the main event, it looks like Nevada has the edge on California when it comes to home base for the best poker players in the world.

Well I guess something funky did happen, because even with the biggest prize-pool distributions TBD, California poker players absolutely dominated in the 2008 main event (93 cashes, 2 final tableists)… while the Nevadans (mostly Las Vegas-based, of course) seemed to be napping, or perhaps just resting on their laurels (49 cashes, 0 final tableists). Regardless, looking at the 55 events that comprised the 2008 WSOP, I think it’s clear that the visitors can stake their claim: California is the Poker Capitol of the World … at least for now.

GREAT DANES: Another big surprise (to me) — apparently the Scandis aren’t so overrated after all. Denmark in particular showed up at the main event ready to play, and not only did they get one of their own on the final table, but also they performed so well in the latter events that they scooched past a bunch of other supposed Europoker powerhouses in the money won. The best non-American players, according to these results, in order: Canadians, Brits, and then the Danes … who actually could move past the Brits come November … and if you add the Danish in with the rest of the Scandis, it’s clear that Scandinavia and the UK are like the California and Nevada of European poker.

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Phil Gordon is still alive and well in the main event — and because he clearly doesn’t have his podcast priorities straight, I got to sit in for him on ESPN’s The Poker Edge. This was new poker podcast territory for me, as co-host Andrew Feldman made me talk about actual poker players and chips — as if we were tracking some sort of athletic competition or something. But in doing so, we actually get down to the brass tax of it all, and break down what this field size, blind structure, and remaining-player make-up means for various stack sizes going into Day 3.

Click here to have a download/listen.
36:40

Oh, by the way, ESPN also honors Raj Kattamuri as the 2008 WSOP Main Event-Day 2B Player of the Day. Go Dallas poker!

Though it’s not unusual for pros to show up late for WSOP tourneys, something was amiss during one of the last 1500s when Scotty Nguyen didn’t show up til well into the 100/200 level …

Apparently Scotty lost one of his capuchin monkeys. The fire department was still trying to get the the pesky little primate out of a tree when Scotty decided he just had to go. Not sure what the status is of said monkey, but one thing that is interesting is how the floor handled his depleted stack.

From Adanthar:

Naturally, Scotty was unhappy about that and asked the dealer why he didn’t have 3K. But at the WSOP, only late registrations get their full 3K chips (and get seated in Seat 10); everyone else gets a regular seat and then gets blinded off if they’re late, which is normal. Scotty, though, obviously didn’t like the idea of starting out with a 9 bet stack, said “I’m not playing”, and went off to find the tournament director. I think he just wanted to be allowed to unregister, but instead, a couple of minutes later, the floor showed up with a full stack and gave it to him. On the one hand, this is pretty much blatant cheating - it’s a free 1200 chips that nobody not named Scotty Nguyen would ever get;

Murmur?

(Thanks, Shamus, for the link.)

There haven’t been too many difficult floor decisions this year. There was supposedly a confusing situation during the heads-up tourney where two players took the wrong seats after the break and played out a few hands before the mistake was realized … but other than that, the most difficult theoretical situation was handled rather quickly and decisively without much alteration to tournament purity:

The event was one of last week’s big-field $1,500 NLHs … and the problem began with a single table in which every player started with an extra 1k in chips. Conclude what you will about donkament ethics and how the “prisoner’s dilemma” applies to poker … but no one said a word, and cards went in the air with every player at one table given a 33 percent starting-stack advantage.

It was supposedly about 20 minutes into play when a dealer recognized the problem. Floor supervisor Jimmy Sommerfield made the quick decision to rectify things by removing 1,000 chips from each player’s stack. Sounds simple enough, and in this situation it really was — very few chips had moved around, and not many decisions affected by falsified stack sizes. And besides, every one of them at the table was technically a dishonest bastard, so what are they gonna say?

But what if a few more hands had passed, and one of the players had only 900 chips remaining?

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Johnny Chan is so serious about making All In Energy Drink a success that he has dyed his hair red and is throwing a tournament that almost sounds too good to be true.

You know that feeling when you shove all-in with nothing … You’re pretty sure it was the right play, but you’re nervous it wasn’t, but even then oh well, because if your read was off at least you’ve got two live little unders working on your behalf?

Uh-huh … That’s kinda how I feel, having recently put $300 into Johnny Chan’s All In Energy Drink(s).

All In is all over the WSOP this year — they’re the official energy drink, making them the Red Bull alternative at the tables, and their patches are all over players. In an effort to drive online sales and overall poker-player awareness, they’ve got a big booth right outside the Amazon Room, too, where the promotion they’re pushing is a $500k free(ish)roll on July 1 and 2 … which I will be playing in because I bought 144 cans of the stuff. Yep, should be arriving at my doorstep any day now … [whistling phrroo-hoo] .. yep 12 cases make me one of their top 1,000 customers … yep, any day now …

It all made sense mathematically at the booth … I’m getting a bunch of energy drinks (and energy water) for a Sam’s club price ($2/can). And I actually like the stuff — the root beer is totally unique and fantastic in my minority opinion. So in making this purchase, I get to play in a fun tourney where not only am I competing for a $125k first prize, but also there’ll be a bunch of pros in it with $1,000 bounties attached to their heads. Positive EV, right?

click to enlarge

The only thing that’s giving me a little grumble in the tumble is that the numbers don’t seem to add up on the other side of the felt. I mean let’s see, the prize pool is $500k “guaranteed” … the promotion says it’s limited to 1,000 players … I paid $300, people who bought multi-cases of All In before me got in for only $100 … now the price is $500 … and then all the pros who may or may not be freerolled … and two WSOP main event seats added to the prize pool. Would probably sound better were it not for All In’s play with the word “cases” … technically I bought 12, even though it would be 6 if I were buying 144 cans of just about any other beverage. I dunno, it just kinda feels like the Poker Bowl, ya know? The difference, of course, is that this event has Johnny Chan’s name and backing attached to it, but when it comes to honorable reputations among the top 3 bracelet winners of all times … um, let’s just say Phil Hellmuth is a solid second.

But hey, I’ve got an open mind, an enthusiastic desire to bust some pros, and if I wear the patch that came with my receipt, I get free All In root beers throughout the duration of the WSOP! (Go Hevad Khan-ish behavior!) Should be interesting to see what happens — because either this tournament is a model for corporate-sponsored events in the future, or it’s gonna prove a money-loser for All In. Could be both and just a marketing loss-leader, of course, assuming the 144 doses of an unregulated, arguably addictive product sold over the internet arrive by US mail.

UPDATE: Still waiting …

I see things. Disgusting things. I try not to, but when it’s right out in public for all the world to see, I cannot help it. Believe me, I’ve tried.

Guys, I’m not trying to be hard on you, and I know we’re at a poker tournament series, but c’mon. There are rules against the F-bomb at the poker tables, but unfortunately, there are no rules of courtesy and conduct to address the most basic tenets of human decency. I’m begging you to read the following rules and think about changing your ways.

1. Spit
Everyone doesn’t spit, but I understand there are those of you who do it. Just be aware of what you’re doing. If you have to produce a chunk of spit the size of a baseball, please try to expel it behind a building or in a bathroom. Standing over a public trash can or ash tray and letting it ooze out of your mouth is going to prompt me to gag uncontrollably. For the love of bodily functions, think about what is coming out of your mouth.

2. Junk
I don’t understand it firsthand, but I realize that you periodically must adjust your junk. Short adjustments that can be done with one hand and take less than three seconds to complete are acceptable. However, if you must use both hands, seriously move things around, or *gulp* insert a hand or two down your pants to make that adjustment, please consider going to a corner and turn toward the wall, or preferably, find a bathroom.

3. Snot
Universal problem, easy solutions. There is a wonderful invention called facial tissue, i.e. Kleenex. Acceptable substitutes include napkins, toilet paper, and paper towels. Use them. If you are at a poker table and absolutely cannot get to a bathroom, ask around for a tissue or take a few moments to consider options. Those options should not include digging deep with your fingers, then touching chips or *shiver* another person. Also, it is not socially acceptable to be stand over a trash can, hold one nostril, and blow. You are not a football player who can’t take a bathroom break during the Super Bowl. I refuse to believe that the snot is so annoying that it cannot wait for an appropriate moment to be dealt with in private.

4. Doors
Hold the door, dammit. Take one second to look behind you, and if someone - anyone - is there, hold that door. And if I hold the door for you, on behalf of all humanity, smile or say, “Thank you.” I am fully aware of the world in which I work; poker is not known for its gentlemen. But the rudeness being displayed is maddening.

I will add more to this list as necessary, but I sincerely hope I don’t have to. I’m disgusted just writing about it. Thanks in advance for heeding my advice.

A player in a hand against Kathy Liebert made a royal flush on the turn … he claims he didn’t realize it, which seems believable when he was last to act and checked on the river.

The player was issued a warning, because at the WSOP it’s against the rules to check the nuts when you’re last to act on the river.

(This rule is new to me … makes sense-ish. But am curious what happens if, say, I have the nuts, am first to act, bet, the next guy raises, and I just call. Will see if I can find out the answer to this in the next half hour month.)

At the moment my background music is Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith on Spike the main event of the 2007 WSOP (Episode 4, part 2 of 5 according to YouTube):

It’s actually the first time I’ve seen this episode — if that tells you anything about the immediacy or lack thereof attached to current WSOP broadcasts … and it prominently features/follows Jamie Gold. Pretty impressed with how ESPN handled his storyline, and Gold does a pretty good job explaining the Crispin Leyser lawsuit … well enough that I start empathize for just a moment until Norman Chad follows up with a reminder of why he may not have had many supporters regardless.

(About 2:00 in.)

I had a good time in Tunica. I came in 8th at the WSOP circuit event and didn’t play the WPT. I had an opportunity to play the WPT because the circuit event had a day off between day 2 and the final table, but I would have had to accumulate a ton of chips in order not to get blinded out on day 2 while I was playing at the final table.

Had I known that I would come in 8th, I definitely would have taken a shot at it. Had I tried to do it and made it through the first day of the WPT, I would have been able to blame my 8th place finish on being distracted, or at least Angry Julie would have reminded me many times.

I like Tunica because of its friendly environment, loads of PLO and the food. The food is pretty good but very fattening. I did happen to lose weight on this trip because I have totally changed my eating habits. I am now eating a very balanced diet with big emphasis on vegetables. I hate them, but I do like the way I’m starting to feel.

Late in December of ‘07 I declared that ‘08 is going to be the year of health. I weighed more than I ever have, and I was starting to feel it. In the past, I have always lost weight by working out hard and always being hungry. I haven’t been hungry once and have lost about 10 pounds since the beginning of the year. I have changed my ways of eating to something I think I can sustain for the rest of my life, at least that’s the plan.

A few comments about Tunica …

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Huh, maybe I’m wrong about poker’s decline … maybe Lycos is right and poker is just starting to boom. Was checking out YouTube early this AM, and with so much important stuff going on in the world — the assassination of Benazir Bhutto, Ron Paul’s squelching by Fox News, the New England Patriots yadda yadda — what’s the number one spotlight video? How to play Texas Hold’em. “The fifth and final card dealt is called the river.”

On the upside, it led me to a related video with Oliver Tse at a final table. Southern California Poker Tour announcer Matthew Dodd rips into the O-man for leading out from early position when he flops two pair … and I just gotta say, Doddo, you are dead wrong in your analysis — despite your Tom Schneider looks emphatic delivery of it! But hey, I guess that sorta expertise should be expected from the people who bring us the video above?

Interesting news on Bluff Magazine deciding to remove “BluffMagCV” from its masthead. Tom, Karridy, and I had a vigorous discussion on such matters just yesterday, after recording an episode of Beyond the Table.

Click below to hear some stuff from the cutting room floor: Tom Schneider declares the Chris Vaughn-Imper1um offenses minor, Dan calls for Ethics, Rules, and Regulation (ERR?), Karridy admits to past indiscretions not having seen Caddyshack (!) … and all of us beat a dead horse intelligently debate the severity of online cheating in the contemporary poker era.

In the course of it all — about 36 minutes in — we also specifically happen to address what probably should happen to the Bluff Managing Editor … as well as the guys from Absolute Poker — but how? A little more wonky than usual Beyond the Table fare … but theoretically worth the listen:

[display_podcast]
recorded: 12/9/07

ALT HED: Karridy & Colmes

I gotta say, it’s kinda fun watching the Pokerati peeps in PokerStars’ World Blogger Championship of Online Poker from the electronic rail. Just wish I could chat/heckle.

After the first break, Karridy (”Karridy”) is out — in 1,048th place out of 1337. But it wasn’t him playing … was a “friend from work” he insists. By the way, for those wondering, that does fall within the PokerStars substitution rules. (Scroll down to the bottom.)

California Jen (”Cookie_555″) was briefly 3rd in chips … and is still sitting pretty in 76th out of 770something remaining. She contends having this many chips is a relatively new experience for her. UPDATE: She just moved up to 37th, out of 730 remaining.

Big Robert won’t tell me what his screen name is/was … but he reports:

All in on 8 hi flop. had kk v qq…q on the turn. out.

Ouch, Robert. You woulda done better had you had the queens. But like Princess Leia as a Jedi, there is still hope for the Arizona Posse, as Green Lisa (”HelloCity”) hit her 10-outer on the river to get comfortable.

Ed the Commenter (”hungerfan”) is out in 800somethingth place.

The prizes everyone is playing for haven’t been released yet, but it’s : about $40k worth of assorted cash and goodies. (Thanks Lisa!)

The listeners have spoken, and it’s official:

16 percent of all poker podcast fans prefer Beyond the Table!*

Woot!

Click for the latest episode of the second-best poker podcast ever!

Or download via Door #2 here.

Extra-fun times this week:

• A show about nothing and where Tom puts his fingers.
• Sal the old man loads up his iPod.
• Dan on “What’s Goin’ On?” in the poker world — EPT London, Jose Canseco, and Absolute super-users.
• The BTT gang ventures back to the online felt.
• Monkey noises with Fake Hevad Khan; Fake Humberto Brenes loves Beyond the Table; and Tom goes hip-hop — calls for death in the name of etiquette.
• Karridy calls for more dead presidents on TV, fewer Full Tilt pros.
• No seat for Karridy in a big-little $5/$10 game.
• Bonus monkey noises from Tom.

* Poker podcast poll results

Guys like Tom (Schneider) might have an interest in some recent articles by Tom Sexton (Mike’s brother) … In one, “Composure under Fire,” he offers a slightly different take on kids these days table-side behavior. In the other, he breaks down Player of the Year criteria and offers up the concept of poker having seven “majors”:

1. WSOP Main Event - LV
2. WPT Main Event - LV
3. WSOP HORSE Event - LV
4. WSOP Main Event – Europe
5. NBC’s National Heads Up Poker Championship – LV
6. WSOP Tournament Of Champions
7. High Stakes Poker

Intriguing concept. But no WCOOP? Gotta think taking down the biggest online tourney prize pool has to be worth something, particularly if it’s won by someone who wins one of Sexton’s other events. And perhaps also whatever the biggest annual PLO event in Europe is? Thats soon to be a pretty big poker deal, if it isn’t already.

Poker must be the most boring activity in the world. Why else would the industry focus its cameras on the most ridiculous people?

We have spelling bees and Scrabble championships on TV and none of the competitors have little “charks” and make munching sounds then yell their name “HUMBERTO, HUMBERTO”. None of them spell a tough word and start making animal sounds while moving their bodies in hunchback dance moves. Could you imagine Humberto as a little kid competing in a spelling bee and yelling his name every time he spelled a word correctly, then getting out a little Power Ranger and acting like he is going to hit the little girl he is competing against?

We as poker players should want nice people with lots of money to come play with us. Do you think when Bill Gates sees Hevad Kahn doing his monkey noises and strange gyrations he says to himself, “boy I want to play with that guy? Maybe I could get that guy to represent Microsoft.” I’m guessing not; however, I guess that’s exactly what Pokerstars says. He is now a face on Pokerstars. Why would any company want to associate with these embarrassing people? Answer, they get a lot of exposure on TV. Michael Vick is getting a ton of exposure, I hear he likes gambling too, and he’s available for about 5-10 years.

Poker is reaching the lowest common denominator, and it’s a joke. I am really tired of people having to exhibit ridiculous behavior in order to get noticed in poker. There was actually a guy at a featured table at the main event who made balloon animals for the other players at the table. Are people really this desperate to get on TV? The answer is clear. Therefore, I have compiled a list of things that I’m willing to do at a featured table next year.

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I’m tired of the complaining about blind structures, including my own whiny little self regarding WPT final table structures. Rather than continue to complain, I have decided to propose a new way of looking at tournament structures.

In order to solve the problem, we first have to define it. In my opinion, the problem is that up until now it has been impossible to please everyone regarding structure. I have been in a tournament talking about the structure of the tournament with the players at my table, and one says, “This tournament is too slow, I like a faster structure, so I don’t have to sit around all day.” Another player says, “I like the structure, it gives me a chance to play”, and believe it or not, a guy across the table says, “This is too fast, we are going to lose half the field after 4 levels.”

I have a couple of concerns about our existing structures. Even though the structures are printed before the tournament, players don’t know what they mean in terms of average stack size compared to the blinds at each level. Also, it’s hard to determine how fast players will be eliminated based upon just seeing the structure sheet. The tournament might have been planned for a slow structure and turn into a fast one based upon the timing of player eliminations.

I think it would be great to know that when you are in a tournament, the average stack size as compared to the blinds will most always be a constant. Therefore, before you enter a tournament, you would know that this tournament will adjust the blinds only after enough people have been eliminated in order to justify an increase in the blinds to keep the same ratio of average stack size to big blind.

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One of the criticisms observations about young-punk online phenoms when they play live tourneys is that they don’t know how to compose themselves when not in front of a computer. Like they struggle when it comes to controlling their physical bodies. Of course plenty don’t really give a shit, either.

Check out this fun video of Hevad Khan gettin’ jiggy with, er, something:

Thanks, Shuttergypsy, for the link!

ALT HED: Automated Tell Machines?

Sounds like our friends at Neverwin are fast becoming the Bang Bros. of Poker. Prior to the reported high-five-figures+stock-options sale of their website to the Tony G Syndicate, Dustin Woolf got called out by Mark Newhouse for allegedly owing him some big bucks. This wasn’t just a web-forum spat, it affected play in a live WSOP event … with Newhouse screaming across the tournament floor for his cash and Neverwin calling officials to have him removed from the rail.

Now a frozen online account. Dude, party on.

The former Rev. Good Chuck in Fort Worth wants to play in the $1,000 Red River Roundup main event, being put on by the mighty-noble-legendary Winstar tribe of Thackerville, OK. We all know he’s a pretty good player in few-hundred dollar tournaments, so he’s looking to try his hand at something a little bigger.

But he also wants to do it with a little backing love. He has a potential investor, and he’s trying to figure out the best, most sensible deal for both parties. His initial thought is to allow the backer 30 percent for $500, or 50 percent for $800. As you know, we learned a lot about backing deals during the WSOP, specifically that the “you buy me in and get your money back + 50 percent” isn’t necessarily the standard. So anyone got any thoughts on this?

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Mark Cuban has long contended that YouTube is going to run into all sorts of copyright problems, akin to Napster. I hope not, because I love being able to embed YouTube vids and watch them on whatever site I happen to be visiting at the time. But I recently ran across this new-ish site — PokerTube.com — and based on the bulk of their content that provides no benefit to ESPN … I have a hard time seeing how this sorta thing is legal:

NOTE: There seems to be some trouble embedding from Pokertube. Not sure if this is a technical guffaw or related to what we are talking about here.

Don’t get me wrong … I philosophically think it should be legal, or at least appreciate the viewing ease embeddable players provide. But beyond brand recognition, I’m not sure ESPN will see enough value in this form of distribution to stand idly by. I mean heck, what’s to stop a site like, say, Pokerati, from becoming the unofficial home of 12-minute clips of the WSOP, and then profit off the fruits of ESPN’s labor? But PokerTube is based out of Sweden, so how ESPN would be able to enforce their copyright remains to be seen. Interesting international internet economics issues for the 21st century, to be sure.

One short-term solution, of course, would be for ESPN (and any others who have copyrighted video content they are looking to protect) to embrace the embedding — the always cheaper “if you can’t beat’em, join’em” concept — and offer up virtually the same stuff on their own site. They could get the benefit of brand exposure if they made their own RawVegas-style player … and figure out the best way to include their own commercials, which may or may not be different from what airs on TV. So long as they made it easiest for other sites to find (and embed), then there would be no need for internet traffic middlemen to go elsewhere for that content … and they would therefore maintain control of a hypermajority of all the viewings out there.

UPDATE:Click here to watch the episode of the WSOP I was trying to embed, on which Tom makes his first appearance.

And click here to see a really cool interview of Phil Hellmuth auditioning for a role on European TV as a caped Superhero/villain … which would look cooler and get more viewings if folks could watch it right here, instead of one page away.

LAS VEGAS–Just learned from listening to Chris’ podcast that Bellagio has instituted a new rule — 20 minute penalty for anyone who uses a cell phone (or Blackberry, or Treo, or Blackjack, or iPhone) at the table … whether they are in the hand or not.

UPDATE: Players are headed to returning from dinner break. JOSH EVANS is up to roughly 360,000. JERRY RANDACK is hanging on with 50something-thousand. PRIMO appears to be out. Quite a few pros are thriving … over/under on the number of known names who make the final table: 1.9. (This unofficial line could move.) People to watch today include:

TODD BRUNSON, DANIEL NEGREANU, LUCKY LIU, THOR HANSEN, CHRIS FERGUSON, ROBERT VARKONYI, CHIP JETT, BILL EDLER, CARLOS MORTENSON, JC TRAN, TED FORREST, CHAD BROWN, JOHN MURPHY, MIKE LAING, FABRICE SOULIER, a bunch of other “ferriners,” CHRIS MONEYMAKER, LEIF FORCE, et al.

They look to join JOHN DUTHIE, HUCK SEED, Dallas guy VANDY KROUCH, JAN SORENSON, BERRY JOHNSTON, ROBERT MIZRACHI, TOBEY MAGUIRE, JASON LESTER, BILLY BAXTER, SCOTTY NGUYEN, and too many others to name. Still early, I guess … even though we’ve whittled through nearly 3/4 of the field.

Chris Moneymaker, against the wall, wondering who’s going to be the next … him.

LAS VEGAS–Even though the World Series has suddenly kicked into a serious, all-about-poker phase, there’s a lot of interesting stuff going on off the tables that you might want to check out between refreshes for Day 2 main-event updates.

The Fresh Princess and I sat down for an interview yesterday on WSOP TV. It ran live but the archives aren’t up yet. We had some tough acts to follow, going on after former Sen. Al D’Amato of the PPA and Rep. Robert Wexler (D-FL):

Then, right before we were about to go on, JEFFREY POLLACK showed up wanting to chat a bit:

Speaking of … THE JEFFSTER has a new blog post up … always a worthwhile read, considering that he has more influence on the future of poker than just about anyone else.

According to USA TODAY, all is well in the poker world … in fact, better than expected based on the 2007 main event numbers. Can you imagine what this event woulda been if there wasn’t a UIGEA and PARTYPOKER pull-out? Logistical nightmare, to say the least.

An interesting article here about DAVID SINGER being denied his requested MAIN EVENT REFUND for theoretical inconsistencies in rules about cell phone and text messaging usage.

Meanwhile, poker media, players, and officials are abuzz about a CBS SPORTSLINE article about the INHERENT, OVERLOOKED EVILS of poker.

No worries. People said the same things about ROCK ‘N’ ROLL and JAZZ. Such are the archetypes of American culture. Hey, check out this neato “antique” book I just bought:

The USA TODAY reporter obviously doesn’t read blogs. For example, over on WiseHandPoker, MARK NEWHOUSE spells out why DUSTIN “Neverwin” WOOLF may or may not be a shyster — accusing him of owing lots and lots of money and calling his friend a SCUMBAG.

That’s good stuff, no!?! Kinda like sports/politics/business.

LAS VEGAS–Some good discussion going on below about quality poker tourney coverage. And I just found some really good stuff here at Gutshot. They are not the most easily linkable site … but their on-the-floor coverage is solid — and it should be, as they’ve been following the WSOP semi-live since before the poker boom.

Scroll down a bit to see some interesting mystery prop bets going on between Mike Sexton, Doyle Brunson, and Chip Reese … and learn about a big, tournament-stopping controversy involving late buy-ins and artificially shortened chip stacks — complete with comments from players involved:

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LAS VEGAS–It’s been a crazy up-and-down day for the Donkey Bomber in $1,000 7-Stud Hi Lo. He’s come back from almost nothing at least three times, and briefly assumed the chip lead. I was thinking at that point he should basically sit on his chips for a while. But what do I know about this game? He told his daughter at dinner break that this was when he really needed to put the pressure on.

With 13 players left — 8 make the final table — Tom is the shortest stack with 34,000. Scotty Nguyen is second in chips with 150k. Tony Ma is 10th with 70,000. Tommy Hang, a highly respected player in high-stakes mixed action, is to Tom’s right, while a goofy guy who appears to be a total 7-stud donkey is to his right … with a ton of chips and a plastic riding crop thingy that is amusing Scotty Nguyen — “High five [for spanking]!” Scotty said. Seven-stud Hi Lo bracelet winner Pat Poels explained to me on the rail that position probably matters less in this game than any other, save for maybe Chinese poker.

Click here to see if he can hang in there.

UPDATE: 11 players remaining. Tom has 42k in chips.

UPDATE: Down to 9 players. Scotty Nguyen says, “That’s right baby! Spanky Spanky!” as the 7-stud doofus (he’s jogging around the table right now muttering “wubbawubbawubba”) smacks his plastic spanker on the table.

Tourney officials are going to move a player every 20 minutes to keep the 5-and-4 disparity “even.” Tom is at 78,000 now.

UPDATE: Ming Ly is one of about two dozen people sweating the action on the rail. Scotty Nguyen is more than a little drinky, and ordering beers for the table. Tom obliged, and thanked him as he tried to tip the waiter. “No no! I already tip him. Ten dollars. When I say I take care of it I take care of it.”

“You’re trying to get me drunk,” Tom joked upon taking a big swig, “so you can take advantage of me.”

UPDATE: Tom and Scotty’s table now has five players, instead of four, and Tom and Scotty are the ones drinking. Hang, meanwhile has said no more. “I’m happy to have another Bud [Milwaukee's Best] Light,” says Tom, “But I’m having a bathroom issue.”

Now Tom’s being moved to the other table, at which point Scotty says, “See you tomorrow, baby.”

UPDATE: One hand passes at the new table and an argument breaks out — two amateurs bitching at Tony Ma for exposing his cards when two other people were still in the hand. “That’s bullshit!” screamed Saundra Taylor. “Total bullshit. You’re a professional you should know better!” Tom made random comments like, “Gamble-time!” and “Beam me up, Scotty!” Brilliant, Schneider. Good work.

Tom now has 235k in chips … the player to his left, Mark Smyrski just went out … and Tom makes his third final table, with plenty of chips to play. Nice work, Tom!

LAS VEGAS—Michele, I’m wrong? Wanna bet? Steve Wong made, by definition, the final table. There were no other tables that followed the last one he sat at … and there were no other tables running when he was seated there with chips.

But because I think you sometimes know stuff and because I don’t always trust my own hearsay, I consulted higher authorities on the 7-seated 6-handed final table matter. BJ Nemeth covered the event for PokerNews and knows how to explain the intricate details of on-field tournament operations pretty-dern well:

Dan —

In most events, you need to finish in the top 9 to be recognized as “reaching the final table.” This is why Phil Hellmuth didn’t tie T.J. Cloutier for the most final tables until the tenth player busted on ESPN. The final ten players all play at the same table, but the official “final table” doesn’t start until they reach nine players.

The same logic applied to the six-handed event. They combined the final seven players into one table (rather than playing three- and four-handed), and continued play until one more player was eliminated. The remaining six players reached the official “final table.” But the final seven all played at the same table.

So if you’re asking me if the final seven players in the six-handed event played at the same table, that’s true. But play continued on Day 2 until #7 busted. The official final table started on Day 3 with just six players, and only those six players receive “credit” for reaching the final table.

Confusing enough for you? Well, that’s the way the tradition goes.

– BJ

Thanks, BJ. It does make sense. Well I mean not really — but I guess we shouldn’t be surprised to see decision-making poker people not understanding that words should almost always mean what they say, especially when numbers are attached.

ALT HED: Strunk & Poker?

PS — I have decided to stick with Steve Wong through the remainder of the Series. He knows what’s at stake and seems to have the desire necessary to deliver.

LAS VEGAS–Good morning. I’m just getting ready to go to bed. The sun’s been up for just a few hours, and it’s already over 100 degrees. But inside the Rio … about negative 64. So friggin’ cold, especially in the cash-games area, from whence I just came. They cool down the Amazon Room and surrounding hallways overnight in preparation for the onslaught of warm poker bodies that arrive each day a little before noon … and/or to sell more WSOP sweatshirts.

Anyhow, late last night, Pauly was up bouncing around the Amazon Room in his off-time and Otis had just re-arrived back in town. I had work to do, of course, but the three of us had yet to find time to geek out all pokerbloggy since arriving at the 2007 WSOP, so it was time to make time … and off to the Hooker bar we went. Inspiring and refreshing, to say the least, as we traded poker-blog war stories, tales of SEO, and reminisces about the “good ole days” of 2006.

We must have been appearing to have too much fun, because a few drinks into it all, we were joined by a traveling WSOP circuit dealer, Brian “the Rookie” Wilson, Otis’ friend Mark, and Jim McManus, who was a little down on his game.

“I make way more from writing these days than I do playing poker, that’s for sure,” he said. Funny how just a year ago this exact same sentence might have a completely different meaning.

As the night whittled on, Pauly left us to go whip up a poignant recap of yesterday’s crazy yet meaningful action, as Otis, Mark and I returned to the Amazon Room to play poker. You can always count on a few drunks to sit down at the dwindling WSOP cash tables at about 4 in the morning to keep the chips flying, and last night that was us. Not surprisingly, the three of us would rebuy several times playing $2/$5 NLH, and within a couple hours, collectively we were stuck nearly $2,500, at which point I switched to coffee.

Linda the Dallas dealer had my table for a while — it was great to see her for the first time of the Series. “Just like back home,” she said, smirking as she shipped a pot I lost to the other end of the table.

Mark would end up busting out for a final time, while Otis and I stuck around to grind our way back towards even. I was getting there, too, until I flopped an open-ended straight draw and a flush draw. The turn gave me the nut straight and a straight-flush draw. I was bummed when my opponent and I couldn’t get it all-in at that point, but I guess I was lucky, because while I caught my flush on the river, the other guy caught quads, and I was not in a position to raise his bet. Don’t even get me started about the possible collusion we witnessed between a plump American black lady and a skinny British white guy who were playing together unbeknown to the rest of us, until they cashed out together and gave each other a hug and a kiss at the cage.

I was heavily involved in their last hand. The British guy and I had built a pot to more than $600 when I missed my 17 gajillion outs on the river. He put me all-in for my last $72, and though mathematically I was supposed to call, I couldn’t bring myself to do it with just third pair, knowing if I lost, I was definitely not going to rebuy again. (Because I had no more 100s on me.) The black lady seated to my right belligerently encouraged me to call, and then called clock on me. I eventually mucked, and was pleased when the skinny white dude mucked his cards, presumably telling me that I made the correct play.

That’s when they both cashed out in celebration. And then as he exited the room, the not-so-chappy Brit came up behind me and whispered, “You couldn’t beat pocket 6s?” What an asshole, because yes, I could. So what, he’s trying to put me on tilt even after he has left the table with my money?

I did my best to remain unfazed, and sure enough I began to climb back out of the hole. As the wee hours became morning and almost tournament time, Otis and I were at adjacent tables motioning to each other where we stood in terms of getting unstuck. I was in for $700, he was in for $1,200. And both of us were playing our asses off more sober than before. With my fancy little bankroll graph in the back of my mind, I finally took control of my short-handed, reduced-rake table — with a solid read on the Euro to my right and ability to bluff the gay cowboy to my left with ease. Perhaps the only mistake I made here was getting up from a table I could beat, but it was so late, so early … I was exhausted, and for the first time in more than five hours, I was up.

Buy-in(s): $700 (3)
Cash out: $979
Net: +$279

LAS VEGAS–Paul “Eskimo” Clark was playing in the $2,000 7-stud Hi Lo event today … Dallas pro Gregg Merkow was at his table, and it was two chips for Eskimo to call. He threw in one, and then sorta froze. After some seconds lapsed, players started trying to recapture his attention, letting him know he needed to throw another chip in the pot. That didn’t happen, and soon the other players at the table were helping him to the ground, where he lay as the tournament was stopped and medical help was summoned.

So not to be crass — because of course we hope he is recovering, as surely plenty of players who have fronted him do, too — but what happens to a player’s chips in this situation? Clark had about 4,275 when the apparent stroke happened. So when it was clear he would not be back anytime soon, floor staff removed his original 4,000 chips from play, and then anted off the remaining 275, so the table would not be at a disadvantage. Word is that the WSOP also refunded his buy-in.

LAS VEGAS–In the double-bubble quadrant of the Amazon room, over the PA …

Tournament Official (in the Ladies tourney): “Attention players. No more iPods at the table. New WSOP rule. No more iPods or electronic devices now that we are in the money.”

David Williams (still alive and strong in HORSE), snarkily: “Attention players. No more cheating now that we’re in the money.”

LAS VEGAS–Shuttergypsy sends word of an ado brewing yesterday between Clonie Gowen and Brandi Hawbacker, seated to her left. According to Gutshot (scroll all the way to the bottom) Clonie wasn’t too appreciative of the apparent coaching being given to Brandi (dubbed the Lindsay Lohan of Poker by Pauly) by master game theorist (and young-girl lover) David Sklansky.

For whatever reason, Clonie insisted it was not Sklansky but rather some random old guy — because surely Sklansky would never violate any terms of rules and etiquette, right? With all due respect to the original boom-era poker babe, I am willing to bet, oh, I dunno, how ’bout $250, that Clonie is so wrong. Not about the coaching, but about the identity of the bald and scruffy rail rooster, who looks very similar to this guy, shot by Shuttergyp last year wearing his lucky shirt:

Not sure why Ram Vaswani’s not in the vid (playing golf with Phil Ivey, perhaps?) but check it out … the Hendon Mob getting cheated in a recent televised home game:

Yes, we women think from time to time — or at least the men allow us. Especially down here in Texas where all men are rednecks and women are stupid, no? Offended? See fine print below. Anyway, I was thinking about HB 3186 and the paradox of why we are unable to play raked poker in Texas. Here is just one example:

Considering the process of Natural Selection, poker tournaments are a great example of Darwinism. When the first poker hand is dealt, Herbert Spencer’s phrase “Survival of the fittest” becomes most poker player’s motto. We are forced to learn this scientific theory in our public schools while forbidding Creationism. Let’s get something clear right now…Creationism over Evolution is not the point of this post. Darwinism vs. Creation or Intelligent Design is not the point of this post, either.

My point is … why do we force children to learn the scientific theory of evolution over the 5,000-year-old historical book of Genesis only to tell postgraduates they’re unable to practice the forced theory and make decisions on their own in life. Isn’t it confusing the government will choose what you learn in school such as capitalism, free trade and freedom (which we pay for) only to forbid these things later in life? Is it me or does it seem the government takes religion away from children and then uses it against adults?

*Sew - Pun on women being stupid and knowing how to sew. Also read the comments on this post.
*Fine Print
The statement pertaining to Texas men being rednecks and Texas women being stupid is not true. State names have been changed to protect the ignorant innocent.

Seems like everyone is prepping in some way or another for the WSOP. And that includes a lot of Dallas dealers. About a dozen or so of our favorite hometown card-flingers will be working the Series this year … so expect some quality pitches at the Rio this time-around, along with a strong understanding of poker rules and maybe even extra suckouts. Tell me if you disagree: When it comes to passion and professionalism, Dallas dealers are better than most. Right? At least the ones I know who will be working the Series are. After all, some of them are Pokerati’s Myspace friends.

Dealers from Dallas and all across the country have been auditioning in Las Vegas for the past month (and will continue to do so through May 8. Some will be returning next week for additional training (on games such as Badugi and triple-draw). Very cool … because the qualification process alone suggests that Harrah’s has taken last year’s disgruntled dealer problems to heart, and overhauled its dealer operations, which should be good for players and dealers alike.

ALT HED: Thinking inside the Box

OK, I know this makes me such a homer, but I gotta say I feel pretty good about seeing at least one Dallas pokerer at the final table of Event #1 — the $500 Casino Employees tournament.

LOS ANGELES–Oh, I almost forgot, one thing that I saw repeatedly at the Bicycle Casino that had me a little confused:

• Calling clock on yourself? This happened in both the cash game and tournament … whenever players would find themselves facing difficult decisions and steeping into the tank, eventually, usually after 30 seconds or so, they would call out, “Clock.” Every time the dealer nodded in agreement. What’s up with this? I thought it was on other players to call clock — thereby giving the tanker 60 seconds to call, raise, or fold. Perhaps it’s done differently in California?

I was at the Bellagio the past four days or so. I came in 24th in one of the events … just 23 players away from more than $300,000…almost enough to get Dan some new sex toys a personality a haircut and a new wardrobe.

Anyway, I was playing in this $25/$50 no-limit hold’em cash game when it happened. The Bellagio’s poker tables have a yellow betting line. If while placing a bet, the chips or money do not cross this line, it is not considered part of the bet. That would have been nice to know. However, anyone who plays the game with good intentions doesn’t take advantage of such things and wouldn’t call it on another player when it’s obvious they intended to raise.

The guy to my right was in the big blind. This is a reference few people know, but he looked and dressed like Leon Redbone, a strange old singer. I picked up two $100 chips to raise, to make it $200 to go. I just happened to be sitting in the 2 seat. The line is much farther away from the end seats requiring the 2 and 8 seat players to lean way over to get the money within the line. (And who says poker players aren’t athletes?) It just happened that one chip made it inside the line and the other one was just low and outside. Immediately, the guy in the big blind says, “both chips didn’t go over the line, so that’s not $200”. I said, “Are you kidding me? I made a forward motion and intended to raise. Fine, then it’s only a call.”

The one seat said, “No, it’s a raise to $100.”

I was getting a little irritated and replied, “Listen, it’s either one chip or two chips, two chips is a raise, and everyone knows that one chip is only a call if I don’t announce raise.”

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