Mike Wattel just went out in 17th place in the $50k HORSE event, finishing one shy of the money. Can you imagine anything worse? Wattel was tiny-stacked with 20 players left, and managed to hang on with hardly an ante until Barry Greenstein raised in a 7-stud hand, and Wattel, looking at two queens, went with it … only to say Barry make a runner-runner-runner flush.

Unlike any other bubble boy, after 3+days of solid play, Wattel just missed out on a $124k payday and instead ended up the same -$50k that his fellow Arizona buddy Tom found after only a day-and-a-half. I’m sick to my stomach and I hardly know the guy. (You may recall his similarly unfortunate 6th place finish in the 2007 WPT Championship … my guess is he’s currently tilt-gorging on Corona’s, nickel slots, and old archived episodes of Beyond the Table.)

The remaining players:

Table 32

Seat 1: Patrick Bueno 730,000
Seat 2: Huck Seed 900,000
Seat 3: Joseph Michael 575,000
Seat 4: Scotty Nguyen 1,050,000
Seat 5: Phil Ivey 635,000
Seat 6: Barry Greenstein 1,300,000
Seat 7: Doyle Brunson 60,000
Seat 8: David Bach 800,000

Table 39

Seat 1: Erick Lindgren 355,000
Seat 2: Raymond Davis 1,200,000
Seat 3: Michael DeMichele 1,010,000
Seat 4: Lyle Berman 1,100,000
Seat 5: Andy Bloch 120,000
Seat 6: Ralph Perry 1,635,000
Seat 7: Daniel Negreanu 1,480,000
Seat 8: Matt Glantz 1,460,000

Just a fun little flashback … the “final” episode of Beyond the Table talks a little bit about the WPA, and because Tom and I aren’t too sure how to explain what they’re up to, we bring in Fake Karridy to interview Fake Jesse Jones in hopes of shedding light on the matter (about 21 min in - click here to listen/download). Shortly thereafter we obviously had little choice but to pull the plug on BTT and walk away with our heads hung in glorious shame.

UPDATE: Karridy, SitnGo Steve, Ryan, Tom, and Dan are all in town … Karridy is already trying to see how many mikes he can hook up to his iPhone … Tom busted a couple hours ago out of the $10k World Championship of Omaha Hi-Lo, a bit shy of the money.

One can only give up podcasting for so long … there’s something about semi-intelligent banter kinda-sorta about poker set to mono.

So please, enjoy the first episode of Tao of Pokerati … featuring Pauly of WSOP poker blogging fame, and yours truly … sharing the insight, wisdom and general frogginess of a Beyond the Table expat.

Episode 1: Game On!

By the way, so far at the WSOP, three separate people have approached me saying, “Are you Pauly?” Each time I’ve chuckled and laughed, because they weren’t even looking at my bald spot for the mistaken identity. Anyhow, shout out to Jenzilla, who was kind enough to deliver my new radio cohost pens.

The World Series isn’t the only poker going on in the world right now — and Karridy tried to remind us of that with Pokerati’s new Citizen Stack Reporter thingy (beta - come join the fun with our shiny new toy!). The text he sent in that didn’t quite make it on the first go-round (but will now and in the future):

3 of the BTT cast are at a charity tornament in Dallas vying to win a WSOP entry. The TD tells us that Home Depot donated a $100 (!?) hammer for any player who takes one down with Dan’s favorite hand. As its announced, a guy to my left says “sounds like one of Dan’s ideas”. Turns out that Whit is a pokerati reader and made me from the player list. A few moments later, SnG raises a limped pot with 72o and is rewarded with two pair on the flop. Here’s a pic of SnG just before he asked if there was a receipt.

Before we make 2008 The Year of Bitching about Tom’s Lack of Coverage (Again) — because really, if it weren’t for that, what would Angry Julie have to scream about? — I do want to point out that ESPN Correspondo Gary Wise did pick the Donkey Bomber to be on his WSOP fantasy team. Looks like he was a 5th-rounder.

Isn’t the proper etiquette to wait two weeks when responding to a prop bet challenge via a blog post?

Ok, so in my defense, I was actually out-of-town when Karridy posted his challenge.  The 9 days since I’ve been back in town? Karridy stole my other defense - so I’ll just go with “I’m a slacker”.

With my timeliness out of the way - let’s get back to the challenge.

I’m definitely a “Hell Yeah!” for another prop-bet challenge.  The loser “has to wear a dress all the way to Vegas”?  I’m gonna go with a big “NO” on that part:

1. You already frequently wear a dress as a fill-in for: Dan’s lover Sang; and for Tom’s daughters.  How then is that a punishment to you when you lose?
2. Now that you’ve decided to play in more than one event - we are flying out to Vegas at separate times.  How will I get good video to share with everyone of your traveling to Vegas in a dress if we aren’t on the same flights?
3. The terms of the first prop-bet state that the loser of that bet would be the one issuing the rematch.  So - the initial terms should come from me.
4. I’ve proven I’m a good sport when it comes to the prop-bets:
   
   so I don’t want to hear any bitching from you about how you won’t be able to wear a dress.

The inspiration for my challenge hit me as I was reading Pokerati on my mobile device from the shitter my “other office”.  It got me thinking of an old Beyond The Table episode where I was lamenting of how I was the only one of the crew who was not attending the 2007 WSOP.  I declared then that I would attend the 2008 WSOP.  As things tended to do on BTT - the conversation then went down the drain… literally.  While there, I promised that I would interview people “Senator Craig” style from the safety of my own stall - asking questions like “Do you know who Tom Schneider is?”.  I think an even better idea is that the loser of our prop-bet has to conduct interviews from a restroom frequented by tournament players at the Rio, with the audio then posted on a public website.  Some, or all, of the interview questions would come from suggestions from our fellow pokerati.

Here then is my official challenge (we can haggle on further specifics in private):

• SitNGoSteve to play Karridy in a best of 7 heads up match in No Limit Hold ‘Em. 
• The matches must be completed before May 30th, 2008.
• The loser will conduct interviews from a bathroom located in the Rio hotel in Las Vegas that is frequented by WSOP 2008 players.
• The interview(s) must be conducted between May 30th, 2008 and July 7th, 2008.
• The loser must conduct the interview from within a closed bathroom stall - it is NOT sufficient to just ask questions while in the bathroom (i.e. while people are washing their hands).
• The interview questions will mainly be comprised of, but not limited to, suggestions from our fellow pokerati.  Karridy and SitNGoSteve will finalize the specific questions before traveling to Las Vegas for the WSOP 2008.
• The official interview list will contain no less than 5 and no more than 10 questions.
• An interviewee is defined as a person who has answered and responded to all of the pre-defined interview questions OR has at least responded to the majority of the questions.
• The loser will interview no less than 3 people and will produce no less than 15 minutes of audio of interviewees responses.  The only exception is as interrupted by security or law enforcement.
• The loser can NOT utilize any written materials to communicate with an interviewee.  i.e. no slipping paper under the stalls that say things like “I lost a bet and have to interview people in the bathroom”.
• The audio must be published to a publicly consumable website within 14 days of the loser returning home from Las Vegas.
• The audio must be of “acceptable” quality.  i.e. the loser should place their recording device below the bathroom stall divider to hear their interviewees responses clearly.
• The winner, or a pre-defined appointee of the winner, will be present in a capacity that will verify that the loser met and honored the spirit of the above terms.

What say you Karridy?

p.s. California Jen: Karridy only shared his sushi with you because he doesn’t really like Sushi - so that shouldn’t stop you from rooting for me to win!

If you’ve heard my permanent Wolfman Jack impression while listening to Beyond The Table, you might not be surprised to learn that my voice is not naturally this sexy. I had a little help from my friends. Actually, I had a LOT of help. Before the age of 6, I had undergone over 30something surgeries on my throat and vocal chords. Some of those were emergency surgeries to open my airway, and some were simply maintenance to avoid more emergencies. The end result would be a voice that only a mother could love. Well, her and a disproportionately large number of black women. Apparently, I sound like this guy. But unfortunately, they usually look like this girl, and never like my new chocolate crush, this girl.

The bottom line is that the good people at Cook Children’s Hospital saved my life more than once, and I couldn’t be more pleased to tell you about the Jeremy’s Friends Poker Tournament, coming up on Saturday, May 31st @ 6pm.

How’s this for quality charity poker - 1’st place wins a Main Event entry w/airfare and hotel! Runner up gets a phat entry into the upcoming $3,000,000 tournament at Winstar, which I hear is being televised. There won’t be much fight for 3rd to 9th place, as EVERYBODY else at the final table will win $440 Super Satellite entries for the same Winstar mega tournament. Not bad, guys! Too bad we all know that charity poker is rigged!

If you are in the North Texas area and would like to battle it out against me and a few other do-gooders, contact Jeremy’s Friends by emailing: jeremysfriendspoker@gmail.com

Still no word from SnG Steve on whether or not he’s man enough to wear a dress.

I’m sure he’ll say that he was busy at work… Whatever. Stephen, if you’re truly afraid of the dress, you can always get iced out.

The rest of you haterz can get yo Poker Grillz HERE.

SnG Steve… You can run briskly walk, but you can’t hide.

On Thursday, we read that one of our favorite poker podcasts, Beyond the Table, was “out with a fizzle.” And apparently that’s fo’ shizzle. The skies suddenly had grown ominously dark. Would we ever smile again . . . ?

Well, here’s what looks to be a ray of hope. (At least for those of us who like to play online poker.)

Late this week, Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA) and Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX) proposed a new House bill, H.R. 5767, the sole purpose of which is to stop the feds from finalizing regulations for the Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act of 2006. The bill comes on the heels of last week’s Congressional hearing at which multiple witnesses — including several representatives of U.S. payment systems and a couple of those involved with authoring the regs — communicated pretty loudly the unfeasibility of the UIGEA in its current state.

In fewer words than this post contains, H.R. 5767 pithily prohibits “the Secretary of the Treasury and the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve System from proposing, prescribing, or implementing any regulation” the feds come up with regarding the UIGEA. As yesterday’s press release from the House Financial Services Committee states, “it was clear at the [April 2] hearing that the regulations are unworkable for the financial services industry, and this bill would, therefore prohibit their implementation.“

No word as yet on how fast this sucker may climb its way up the Congressional ladder, but given the overwhelming response against the UIGEA following last week’s hearing, it seems H.R. 5767 may have a lot more initial backers than those other anti-UIGEA bills (like Frank’s Internet Gambling Regulation and Enforcement Act).

We’re happy, right? Okay, so we’re not laughing ’til we wet ourselves. But we are smiling again. I guess there’s life beyond Beyond the Table . . . .

The BTT crew: Poker talk fused with gay jokes and fat commentary was all the rage in 2007.

Some of you have been wondering, why no new episodes of Beyond the Table? Tom, Karridy, and I have been wondering the same thing. It’s been a good run, and with drinks in the air, three guys who clearly love/hate the sounds of their own voices are calling it podcast quits.

Back when we started, our show about poker but not really about poker stood out as revolutionary in a sea of lame poker interviewcasts with questionable audio quality. Soon after iPod sales were booming as more and more of the world got hooked on downloading poker audio with funny intros and Angry Julie cameos. But Tom couldn’t handle the celebrity and Karridy developed a crack addiction lives got busy and producers for Beyond the Table fared about as well as drummers for Spinal Tap. The show hired Shamus at a fraction of a Cambodian farmer’s wage to pump up our numbers — did he ever get his T-shirt? — but with a new generation of poker podcasts getting better and stronger (Lou Kreiger, Gary Wise, 2+2, Pocket Fives, Ante Up, Poker Road, et al) old-school payola wasn’t enough to save us from going out on the podcast bubble.

Listen below to a heretofore unpublished episode (recorded on 2-27, my dream flop) as your favorite semi-amateur yammerers phone it in for the last and final-ish time:

Beyond the Table: Fin

Thanks for listening via RSS, iTunes, play-in-popup, and direct download … we already miss ourselves.

You can still prank call Karridy on the Beyond the Table listener line at 888-820-8091.

We discussed a poorly received tourney idea on Beyond the Table a year ago — the concept being a “men’s minority event.” I loved the idea because we’ve all played dudes-only before and women have ladies tourneys … but while all women players have been the only representative of their gender at a table before, that’s a dynamic that guys simply don’t get to experience.

Psychology would be fun, results would be interesting …Logistics was the tough part — how to limit the field to 10 (or 15) percent men and still attract the necessary entries. But one thing we never considered was a simple invitational sit-n-go.

So much to my delight, the new episode of Poker after Dark just came on and lo and behold the players this week are Gus Hansen, Vanessa Rousso, J.J. Liu, Clonie Gowen, Beth Shak, and Erica Schoenberg. Very cool — well cast with Gus, who knows they know he knows they know he can be a tad horny influenced by his respect for the ladies.

“We should make all the guys play this format one time,” Clonie just said. Barack Obama presumably agrees, as he just sat down for a very similar 6-handed sit-n-go on The View:

(L to R) Vanessa Rousso, Clonie Gowen, Gus Hansen, J.J. Liu, Beth Shak, and Erica Schoenberg appear this week on Poker after Dark.

Leave it to Tom to turn lemons into lemonade … a $400,000 glass of lemonade to be more specific, but still. He may be out of the WSOP Circuit Tunica main championship event, but if you can’t get enough Tom on, near, or — ahem — beyond the table, he has joined Nick Geber to do the semi-live video webcast of the remaining players.

Click here to listen/watch.

The poker recessions/squeeze continues to show its reality face … podcast junkies have probably already noticed that Hold’em Radio is down. But is it done? We’ll see. I saw Wade, the HER chief, at Binion’s just yesterday … he was chit-chatting with some people during one of the daily tournaments there … but there was no broadcasting going on, and no signage left up on their studio/booth in the Binion’s poker room.

For all its problems with audio quality, Hold’em Radio was first when it came to giving poker ramblers a home for their voices. Beyond the Table got its start there, as did Lou Krieger’s Keep Flopping Aces. While the BTT crew has been independent for about a year and will presumably stay that way, other passionate podcasters may likely follow in Lou’s footsteps and defect to Rounders Radio. I’ll be personally curious to hear the difference. Because while we’ve enjoyed doing BTT on our own, can’t say that we have fully mastered the audio process yet. Just last week we recorded probably the funniest “Angry Julie” segment in audio history … only we didn’t. I mean the new software said it was recording, but …

Internet radio is hard!

Strange. Just listened to the latest episode of Beyond the Table, the first of the new year. If you haven’t queued up “ . . . Who Needs Enemies?” yet, let me forewarn you. The guys talk about poker. That’s right. Poker. I mean like all the way through.

What the hell?

After a brief rundown of the several January tourneys presently ongoing, Tom offers some winning wisdom regarding tourney selection. Then, prompted by a question from Karridy, there follows a smart, insightful discussion about differences between cash game players and tourney players. Yeah, I know. “Smart” and “insightful” usually ain’t what us BTT fans are looking for. But there it is.

Next the trio turn their attention to Dan’s first poker session after moving to Vegas, as well as the rambling, gambling fortunes of Dan’s friend, Bob. The show concludes with a stunner of sorts regarding CardPlayer’s recent 12-page, comprehensive overview of “Poker’s 2007 Odyssey: A Review of the Year’s Historic Events.” (Hint: The article ain’t as comprehensive as one might have hoped.)

Oh, there were opportunities for the hosts to get away from the pokery content. Other topics arise, such as Dan’s sex life, Barack Obama, and froteurism. (Not at the same time. Ahem.) But somehow none of these offered enough turbulence to divert Beyond the Table from its poker-specific flightpath.

Do let the BTT hosts know how you feel about this strange new development by calling the listener line at (888) 820-8091 or emailing theshow(at)beyondthetable(dot)com.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines “diagnosis” as the “determination of the nature of a diseased condition; identification of a disease by careful investigation of its symptoms and history; also, the opinion (formally stated) resulting from such investigation.” Such is the theme of “Card Sick,” this week’s year-ending installment of Beyond the Table.

Co-hosts Karridy, Dan, and Tom collectively look ahead to 2008 by diagnosing one another’s poker games (and/or lives). In so doing, the trio take turns enacting each of the roles typically occurring in yr basic health care scenario — patient, physician, and insurance provider.

For example: Dan spends most of the episode as patient, sharing relevant details about his history and identifying his goals moving forward. Tom acts as Dan’s physician, offering tips for how Dan can improve the health of his bankroll in the coming year. Meanwhile, Karridy explains to Dan the limits of his coverage. Thus when Dan says he’d like to make a final table of a “major event,” Tom assesses the likelihood of such an occurrence (given the patient’s current vital signs), while Karridy reminds Dan he can’t afford to enter that many “major events.” And so forth.

A quiet time of year poker-wise, so not a lot of hard-hitting news in this week’s episode. There is some discussion of the 2008 WSOP schedule, details of which were largely gleaned from Craig Cunningham’s blog. Head over to C.C.’s site for more such info. And perhaps a Christmas carol, too.

And remember you can always send your own diagnoses of BTT (including how new producer Ryan is doing) to
theshow(at)beyondthetable(dot)com and/or call ’em in to (888) 820-8091.

We know you’re looking at us … and perhaps creepily, we’re looking at you. Shout out and big welcome to this reader who accessed the site from Penn State University (Go Big 10!) with a widescreen monitor looking for “gay fat guys”:

Here’s the picture he may or may not have been looking for.

Following a pattern established by arena faves Frampton, Kiss, and Cheap Trick, this episode of Beyond the Table captures the group in a rare live performance. With no edits, overdubs, or other studio gimmickry, “Live and Otherwise” finds BTT returning to its off-the-cuff, improvisational roots.

The set gets going with a raucous medley of blues-based numbers, including soon-to-be-classics “Queens Done Done Me In (Again)” — featuring a solo from Little Tommy Schneider — and the Askenasy-penned “I Think My Hair Has a Mind of Its Own.” The group then transitions into a surprisingly peppy version of “House Hoppin’ Blues” chronicling Dan’s recent move Vegas-ward.

From there the boys turn topical, with rockers “Flight of the Dragon” (noting David Pham’s having locked up Player of the Year), “Enjoying the Game” (an homage to Chip Reese), and “Guilt Trip” (regarding the Vaughn-Mizzi account-purchasing affair). As an encore, the group surprises the audience with a new title, “Fortune’s Steward,” a brief romp recognizing Falstaff, author of PokerStage and tireless organizer of the recent WPBT Winter Gathering.

Be sure to catch this important live document of the power trio’s development, circa late-2007. And be sure to email your feedback to theshow(at)beyondthetable(dot)com and/or call the listener line @ (888) 820-8091.

Happy Holidays from the Beyond The Table crew!
And because I am a sucker for this kind of stuff… Click below to watch Tom, Dan, and myself shake our naughty elf asses.

Unbeknownst to Tom, I am offering a copy of his Book, Oops!, I Won Too Much Money, to the person that sends us a link to the most humorous Elf Yourself, featuring your choice of Poker’s more notable characters. In addition to winning the perfect stocking stuffer, the winning submission will be posted here, on Pokerati, and at BeyondTheTable.com. Deadline is 12/23. Game on!

I recall a short while back reading Tom Schneider opine at length here on Pokerati about tourney blind structures. In a memorable post, Tom suggested an innovative arrangement wherein the blinds would go up in proportion to the number of players remaining (or average chip stack — same diff.), as opposed to having timed levels. For those who missed it, here’s the post, modestly titled “The Blind Structure Solution.”

Whether you think Tom is full of applesauce or not, his idea clearly demonstrates how the hosts of Beyond the Table are willing — indeed, eager — to think outside the box, to push the envelope, to destroy old paradigms . . . .

You know. Screw with us.

Which is why we get not one but two new shows almost simultaneously. Though one isn’t a “real” show. That’s right. The one on which Tom, Karridy, and Dan all appear — titled “BTS: The Cheating Beating” — should not be mistaken for a regular installment. (BTS = “Beyond the Show.”) Listen to hear the trio’s sober debate on ethics and online poker. (Full summary here.)

Meanwhile, we are to understand the one featuring Dan and guest co-host Robert Goldfarb — “Booty Call” — to be a “real” episode. What makes one “real” and one not? Hard to say, although it appears we’ve got ourselves an indisputably authentic BTT show whenever Dan gets drinky and starts talking about strippers, Scotty Nguyen bobblehead dolls, yard sales, religion, Tom’s POY chances, and/or hits his mute button.

Don’t trust me, though. Go listen to both and decide for yourself. And tell ’em what you think — about blind structures, strippers, “reality,” etc. — by emailing theshow(at)beyondthetable(dot)com and/or calling the listener line — (888) 820-8091.

Via our friend, Short-Stacked Shamus:…

In “Family Pot,” our intrepid trio (sans SitNGo Steve, who for this episode stood up and went) carefully interweave a number of anecdotes and observations thematically linked by the subject of family. Recorded Thanksgiving eve, discussion begins with a detailed cataloguing of various family traditions, most of which seem to involve tableware. While the phrase “somebody gets stabbed and there is rolling on the floor” is uttered, the overall tone here is in fact light-hearted. Jovial, even.

The conversational tête-à-tête-à-tête then turns to consider non-traditional “families.” Such as the one comprised of all of those poker bloggers presently assembling in Vegas for the big WPBT Winter Gathering. Concerning which, do head over to Tao of Poker and check out Dr. Pauly’s instructional post “Bloggers Invading Vegas Tips 5.0” (from 11/19/07). Add to list “never call a ‘post’ a ‘blog’ when speaking to Dan.” Not that any self-respecting poker blogger would. The tone during this middle section? Vaguely combative.

Finally, looking ahead to Christmas and the new year, the group collectively resolves to make some resolutions. And perhaps write them down somewhere. Here the tone becomes sentimental — even maudlin — as Tom, Dan, and Karridy demonstrate they, too, form a kind of “family.”

Maybe they should consider sending out cards this year.

Check out this week’s show. And ride the BTT hosts’ coattails along with me by emailing them at theshow(at)beyondthetable(dot)com and/or calling the listener line: (888) 820-8091.

You can read Shamus’ real poker musings over at Hard-Boiled Poker. Thanks, Shammy-Poo.

Via our friend, Short-Stacked Shamus:…

Have had a significant increase in email messages turning up in the ol’ inbox here lately. To what should I attribute my sudden surge in popularity? I think the answer is obvious. My occasional postings over here at Beyond the Table have no doubt spread my fame to places I had never even imagined possible.

I mean I am getting email messages from people I don’t even know, if you can believe that. Just this week I’ve gotten several offers to “find ways to save on [my] meds,” to “eat want [I] want and still lose those terrible pounds,” to “cure premature ejaculation (not just stop it!),” to “give [my] partner the loving she deserves,” to “experience for [my]self the excitement of winning real money online,” and to “become completely happy with the way [my] breasts look.”

Somewhere in there I also received a note from Karridy saying something about a new show, titled “The Fall of Danang.” No special offers, though. Which is fine, as I have plenty of those to deal with at the moment . . . .

Check out this week’s show. And ride the BTT hosts’ coattails along with me by emailing them at theshow(at)beyondthetable(dot)com and/or calling the listener line: (888) 820-8091.

There’s even more wit where that came from, over at Hard-Boiled Poker. Thanks, Shama-lama-ding-dong.

FYI, another episode is up … for those of you who haven’t yet subscribed or synced your iPods. In this episode, our favorite non-bracelet-wearing cruiser-stakes pro sits in for Tom.

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• Robert G drinks the BTT Kool-Aid.
• WSOP scheduling, the Houston poker bust and felony charges, an Illinois amateur poker crackdown, Charles Nesson as the Timothy O’Leary of Poker.
• Gratuitous pimping: Up for Poker and the PokerStars Blogger Championship.
• Action junkies and Karridy’s online sit-n-go multitabling master plan — big screens and upside-down calculator words.
• Tom goes to Spain in search of plaques and CardPlayer points.
• Karridy hits the Stockyards in search of family values and professional online poker dreams.
• The Fort Worth police vs. Beyond the Table.
• Dan tries to take credit for bringing the Mob into Texas poker.

This post is not for 99.997 percent of the readers out there.

But for the guys in the Batface home game … they might find it hardly surprising to know that on Sept. 12 — or right around that day — “sangy farha” started playing (for play money) on Full Tilt. That was the same day of the tournament on Absolute Poker that has since thrown the online poker world into a tizzy. The hand being played that sparked it all: Yep, you guessed it … 9-2 offsuit, aka The Sang, which we all know is kinda like the hammer, only a little bit more powerful.

Because of his connection to the scandal, Drinky Sang may or may not be making future appearances on Beyond the Table as our strategy and psychology correspondent. Click below to listen to Sang’s screen test, recorded on a drive home from The Lodge in a pouring rainstorm.

[display_podcast]

You’ll hear him talk a little final table strategy, discount his monster play-money bankroll online, threaten to kill people, lose his online chat priveliges, question the presence of Tom Schneider’s genitalia, threaten to kill the guys at Ante Up, and fall in love with a wet puppy.

So be sure to tune in to current and future episodes.

Check it out … Beyond the Table has a new distribution partner in CardPlayer, where we’re putting up some special episodes for the US Poker Bowl. And, of course, you can always hear the latest semi-regular, never relevant jimjabber from Tom, Dan, and Karridy (and SnG Steve!) — aka the 2nd Greatest Podcast in the History of the Internet — here.

The listeners have spoken, and it’s official:

16 percent of all poker podcast fans prefer Beyond the Table!*

Woot!

Click for the latest episode of the second-best poker podcast ever!

Or download via Door #2 here.

Extra-fun times this week:

• A show about nothing and where Tom puts his fingers.
• Sal the old man loads up his iPod.
• Dan on “What’s Goin’ On?” in the poker world — EPT London, Jose Canseco, and Absolute super-users.
• The BTT gang ventures back to the online felt.
• Monkey noises with Fake Hevad Khan; Fake Humberto Brenes loves Beyond the Table; and Tom goes hip-hop — calls for death in the name of etiquette.
• Karridy calls for more dead presidents on TV, fewer Full Tilt pros.
• No seat for Karridy in a big-little $5/$10 game.
• Bonus monkey noises from Tom.

* Poker podcast poll results

I was noticing that I was playing VERY sloppy SnG’s lately. I had a nice MTT win and had pretty much pissed it all away before deciding to try to occupy myself with a few more tables, hoping it would keep me from trying to get too tricky, which seemed to be my major downfall. I think my test went very well in the short time I applied it. It started going better when Robert (Goldfarb) suggested that I use the “aim for third” strategy. I’m a little disappointed that during this period, I decided to play 6 tables at a time, as opposed to the 4 that I was playing before. It was a little tough to handle and I think Robert’s advice would have paid off even better otherwise.

My results so far…

Total Tables: 14
Total Fees: $176
Average Fee: $12.57
Won: $297
Profit: $121
Profit Per Table: $8.64
ROI: 68.75%

Granted, this is a small sampling size and pretty short “one round” sessions (For better or worse?)… I wanted to do some rough projections. If I were able to maintain this and played 50 SnG’s a day, I would net $432. Not a bad daily rate. If I stepped it up to $20 SnG’s, I believe my win rate would be the same or better, because the players will be a little better and at these stakes, that’s a good thing. So, keeping it the same and playing 50 a day, I would drag $864. $30 SnG’s makes it $1296.

This all sounds great, but I know my rate would suffer as the day went on. But then again, who’s to say that I have to play all of these in one chunk? I also know the competition would get a little steeper, but I’d be fine with even a 20 percent dip in ROI based on these factors.

Not very scientific, but interesting I think.

You may or may not have noticed, but we’ve got a new poll up on the right-hand sidebar, inquiring about your favorite poker podcast. I have to admit, this was kinda a set-up … fully expected Pokeratizens to be biased toward Beyond the Table, and even gave the show top billing on the unscientific poll to help the results along. From there we would totally be able to spin it as: “Poker players say Beyond the Table is unequivocally the best use of their audio time in the world. Other podcasts suck! Must listen!”

But alas, this plan is going awry, as we have run into the collective power of “the Ante Up Nation,” which may or may not be more powerful than Cuba, the WinStar Tribe, or Iran. So as much we hate having to pimp ourselves here at Pokerati, get a couple hundred pixels on over and cast your vote, you know, for whatever show you like best. Beyond the Table honest now. Because if the results come across as anything less than fair, we’ll have to have a do-over.

The latest episode of Beyond the Table is up. Click to listen. In this week’s festive podcast, you’ll hear:

• Dan misses a meeting … too many responsibilities.
• Karridy on the Mathematics of PokerBowl.
• Update on the Karridy vs. Big Robert music video challenge.
• Tom heads out to the California State Poker Championship.
• The resurgent popularity of douchebags?
• Dan runnin’ bad and old men rollin’ bad in Oklahoma.
• BTT improvements.
• Who is Annette_15 and why wasn’t the WSOP Player of the Year at WSOP-Europe?

And if you missed it last week, click here for the Tom Schneider episode of Ante Up! Lots of real content on this show — too much to list, but you will delight in a German guy’s inquiring about Tom’s fondness for the Hammer and the most fascinating recount of a 7-stud Hi-Lo hand I’ve ever heard.

I swear Tom and I have not been cheating on each other or Karridy. We just have a sort-of open relationship … the kind where we want to share our aural pleasures with whoever-da-fug will listen all the world. So this week, as in tomorrow, Tom will be appearing on Ante Up! … the other high-quality poker podcast out there. I’m serious — these guys totally don’t suck and are a delight to subscribe to via iTunes.

Meanwhile, I have branched out into the non-poker world — a place where “holding the nuts” has a whole different meaning. Some of you may not know that before converting to poker, I used to advise the readers of Cosmo on what guys are thinking. Funny, I know … and my apologies to all the messed up chicks out there as a result. But regardless, like Frank Constanza going back into the kitchen, I have dusted off those old skills to speak to the ladies of D/FW on Girl Talk. If only Leah’s listeners understood the concept of positive EV!

Just a little something to hold you over until the next episode(s) of Beyond the Table.

New episode of Beyond the Table is up.

Click here to listen.

On this week’s episode:

• The Arizona State Poker Championship
• Fake Karridy interviewing Fake Doyle Brunson
• Tom goes to Wyoming to golf with drunken naked old men
• Other poker pros opt for Doyle Brunson & Dewey Tomko High Stakes Golf
• Dan comes to Phoenix for intense poker training
• Dan loses his bankroll
• The grow-your-money:lose-your-money time ratio in poker
• Going almost-broke with Brad Booth, Brian Townsend, et al.
• Bankroll management: How to avoid losing $3 million
• Fake Karridy interviewing Fake Brian Townsend
• The Education of a Poker Player: Plunge the Toilet
• Public pooping etiquette and mad plunging skills
• The problem with satisfying your sexual desires at the poker table

Again, obviously, if you haven’t already … click here to audio it up. Or here to get your podcast on and keep it that way.

And as always, feel free to call 888-820-8091 — or email — to let us know what you think of the show, the people on it, and our topics for expostulation. There’s even talk of an “Oops I Won too Much Money” hat for someone.

For now, here’s a picture of Tom in a bathrobe:

More…

Depending on when you are reading this, you might be learning of the good news before they do. By “they”, I am referring to my partners in podcast crime, Tom Schneider and Dan Michalski. Just a little while ago, I received a welcomed email from Pokerpreneuer and PokerBowl creator, John Nightingale. It appears that the dick sucking negotiating that I did has paid off and Tom and Dan will be the on-screen commentators for the inaugural airing of the US PokerBowl.

While they do make up a charismatic 50% of Beyond The Table, it will be very interesting to see how the audience reacts to the brewsome twosome once they are presented visually. I, on the other hand, will be doing my best to raise the aesthetic average of the player field when I sit down with TJ Cloutier and the rest of the Dallas Kowboys on October 19th, in Vegas. I wonder if my BFF’s will find it in them to afford me a little favoritism kick-back come game day…

And before he was commentator on Fox Sports Prime-Time, he was getting his 3 minutes on ESPN.

P.S. - The latest episode of Beyond The Table is my all-time favorite. Nothing sexy, just fun pokery goodness.

Alt Hed: Watch out, Balsbaugh!

Somewhere in the closet of Sit-n-Go Steve’s McMansion leans a once popular sandwich board that spoke more painful truths than Dan’s rhinestone sunglasses. Those of you who watched Steve stand on the corner of my town’s most congested thoroughfare might wonder why in the world would somebody play for absolutely nothing just to risk sweating their ass off in the Texas heat, proclaiming their oppenent a “Poker Genius” in 500 point font. Well, it seems that SnG is not the only masochist in the Pokerati clan.

In less than two hours from now I will go heads-up against professional player, Arizona Posse™ Member, Beyond The Table brother, and Pokerati contributor, “Big Robert” Goldfarb. While we have yet to agree on stakes, it is certain that nothing less than mortifying will do. No offense, Steve, but I’m going to take this match much more seriously. (Side note - I have referenced dictionary.com at least twice so far to ensure proper spelling/usage of big words (masochist - thoroughfare), due to my Modelo Especial consumption).

A video of this David and Goliath match will be available in the coming days. I can’t say too much about what we are doing, but I will certainly predict that it will change, or at least have a huge impact on, the way people rail poker online. Hahah. Hooohahahah… Muuuuhahahah… *cough/beerfart*

Data:
Robert’s career tournament winnings: $412,446
Karridy’s “career” tournament winnings: <$7,000

Suggestions for the loser?

New episode of Beyond the Table is up. Best poker podcast ever recorded on Day 2 of the 2007 WSOP main event — especially when Tom’s wife (shout out Julie!) gets on the air and screams at all things poker media. Click, and enjoy.

PokerNews has posted an interview for all you Tom Schneider fans. Very interesting read on what goes through a pro’s mind during a tournament he really did not want to play in the first place he was looking forward to playing so he could take home a bracelet.

Click here to read Part One.

UPDATE: And here for Part Two.

We love geek-readers (and listeners) that really get into our silly shizznit. Trevor in Carrollton, for example, may not have use for the Oliver Tse ringtone or even the Amy Calistri … but he has put together a ringtone featuring the theme song from Beyond the Table* and sends it along for your downloadable enjoyment:

[display_podcast]

Awesome. Now Karridy, Tom, SitNGo Steve and I will be alerted when we get calls that should be instantly sent to voicemail/”ignored”!

*Song is called “Along for the Ride” by Mink Rebellion.

LAS VEGAS–New episode of Beyond the Table is up. I’m listening in pop-up right now … you should do the same. Or you can download the mp3 here.

On this week’s special edition — recorded in Las Vegas, Las Vegas, and Las Vegas — you get to hear Tom, Dan, and Karridy muse about:

• Tom’s bracelet win in an event he tried to get out of
• The mathematics of backing percentages
• Karridy’s sojourn to Vegas with $65 in his pocket and roulette dreams
• Deadbeats trying to borrow money from Tom
• Vinny Vinh karma
• Doyle Brunson cruising hotties on his scooter
• Interview with Fake Doyle Brunson / Barry Greenstein’s baby-making abilities
• Tom on stiffing angry Russian mobsters cab drivers and making them like it
• Tasty game of 1-to-1000

As Dan posted below, Tom is heads-up in Event #5. I just wanted to take a second to invite all of you to be a part of what will certainly be the craziest Beyond The Table episode to date!

Leave a voice message for Tom and you’ll most likely make it into the BTT mix during our next show.

Call: (800) 820-8091

Tom’s still at it — looking good to bring home the gold in the $2,500 Omaha/7cs Hi Lo event. My fantasy team couldn’t be more excited. Out of 327 starting players, it’s down to five four … Tom’s got a whopping chip lead … and Chris Ferguson has barely any chips.

Follow the live coverage here.

The prize pool he’s competing for.

For those of you who don’t really know Tom, here’s a primer on the DonkeyBomber’s poker/life cred:

• He wrote a book. Buy it here.
• He also won the 2006 Pokerati Invitational (beating the guy who introduced him to the concept of poker radio).
• He’s now the host of Beyond the Table, a bitchin’ not-so-pokery podcast where he talks about things like WPT blind structures, gambling on the golf course, and pooping in your pants while at the table. His most recent episode is below.

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• And, of course, Tom also blogs for Pokerati. Here are posts by Tom Schneider, and here are posts about him.
• Oh, right, and he plays poker professionally … and has found a bit of success on the job.

Some Beyond The Table listeners might know that I recently defeated our producer “Sit-n-Go” Steve in a best of 7 heads-up prop bet. The winner would be able to place the loser on the corner of their choosing, wearing a sandwich board of their design. Enjoy the goodness.

The newest episode of