It’s time to have a poker player run for President of the United States. Forget Joe the Plumber. How about Tom the Gambler?

I actually gave serious consideration to running for President in 2012. However, when I woke up, it didn’t seem like such a great idea. I thought what could a gambler offer that others can’t? I came up with several ideas and am going to share one here. This is not an article about bashing one side or the other. I’m trying to show how gamblers typically get right to the root of the problem by viewing the world differently than others.

First, I wanted to identify a problem that 95 percent of Americans would agree was a problem, thus removing all political bias. The Problem: Politicians lie, misrepresent facts and gamble with our money. Do you agree?

In a debate, if a politician sounds convincing, we believe him. He can’t be lying, he sounds so sure. The debate is concluded and the viewers have no idea that the bastard lied for an hour straight. He made up stuff and pulled answers out of his ass to avoid having to say, “I don’t know.” (Note: when pulling numbers out of asses, avoid the sharp ones like 4 and 7.)

When trying to get the Healthcare bill passed one Senator made a huge deal about the American Medical Association (AMA) supporting the bill, thus trying to make the public feel better since all doctors support it. Did you know that only 17% of all doctors belong to the AMA, because most doctors don’t like the political stands the AMA takes? Did you know that a significant majority of doctors were opposed to the proposed Healthcare bill? It is outrageously disingenuous to act like doctors are supporting the bill.
Our elected officials say that if we pass a stimulus package, we will create one million new jobs…oops, sorry, we were wrong. No big deal, we will try something else. They are guessing with our money. I like idiots in a poker game, but I’m tired of idiots in Washington. It’s like all of us voters decided to put the worst poker player in the biggest game. Unfortunately, unlike poker, these idiots can’t get lucky with our money.

How do gamblers find the truth? We wager. When sitting at the poker table, someone might say, “That’s a tall guy, he must be seven feet tall.” I say, “I don’t think so, how much would you like to bet.” That’s it. Gamblers engage in this kind of activity all the time, and if you make bad decisions repeatedly, you are no longer gambling because you run out of money. Unlike every other profession, our politicians get no credit for being right and no punishment for being wrong.

The Solution: As President, I would set aside $200 million for a “Required Political Gambling Fund.” This fund will be comprised of a couple great gamblers, a few CPA’s, an attorney, and a historian. Here’s how it works. As part of becoming an elected official you may be required to make a significant wager on what you believe will happen as a result of the legislation you are proposing or supporting.

As President, I would set aside $200 million for a “Required Political Gambling Fund.”

Let’s take the Health Care Bill. The Governmental Accounting Office claimed that this bill will be deficit neutral, i.e. not creating more debt. If the Gambling Team doesn’t think that will be the case, then those politicians that are supporting the bill must wager…the bigger the issue, the bigger the bet.

Since the Healthcare Bill represents 16 percent of our economy, supporters of the bill have to wager 16 percent of their net worth. Think about what this does. Politicians will be doing their homework for a change. Unsubstantiated numbers and guesses will not be thrown around without significant research and understanding. They will actually have to read proposed legislation. This system will take the politics out of politics. I can hear a Republican saying t o another Republican, “I can’t support that bill because I will lose my own money.” Perfect. I want an idiot politician to lose his own money and not ours.

How do we eliminate lying? After debates, our Gambling Team will determine what lies the politicians told during the debate, and then bet on each of the lies. If the politician decides not to bet, a big flashing neon “Liar” sign will go off. Obviously if he doesn’t want to bet on the supposed facts he is spewing out, then he is a liar or a bull-shitter. This would make one heck of game show. We can use the money from the show to reduce the National debt.

I bet that the $200 million gambling fund would make it to $1 billion by the end of my term, and we would have a bunch of broke politicians. Once the politician is broke, he is out of office, kinda like a poker tournament. The “right” politicians will get richer and remain in office, and we won’t be betting against them very often. Voila! There you have it.

We would have a new form of Railbird, the Politicalbird…a broke politician looking to get back into action, eh, well, office. It would be funny seeing ex-Senators and ex-Presidents going around asking people to put them into the dog catcher race. “Come on, give me a shot. I know I can beat this guy.”

If you would like to hear more of my Presidential ideas, tell Dan, the owner of this fine poker website. If you want to donate to my campaign, please do so, but don’t be too upset if some of the funds get put into a juicy $100-$200 mix game.

Is it wrong to care more about the results of this matchup than Daniel Negreanu vs. Isildur1?

Here’s doozy from @PokerVixen. (Thanks, Lori!) We’ll have to take her word for it — because really, it is hard to drive and photograph* — but supposedly it says DGENRAT. LOL, is that a Mustang?

Meanwhile, here’s one I got — not sure it’s a poker player, but hey, it’s more likely to be Russ Hamilton than OJ Simpson driving this Jetta on Russell Rd., heading toward the south end of the Strip.

* WARNING: Pokerati supports safe driving, and encourages you NOT to photograph poker-related license plates while operating a motor vehicle. However, if you insist, please snap multiple shots and check later to see if you got one in focus. You should also wear your seatbelt just in case.

Can you imagine what a different story this would be if this were a US representative?

As a reminder of where you can go for the best ROI on your gifted holiday monies, here’s a peek at poker in the old days, with CR honcho Taylor Caby showing how the poker skills they teach you at CardRunners played out in a different era:

And if you’re still too cheap/broke to pony up real bucks for education, they still have financial aid available allowing you to earn CardRunners credits through Truly Free Poker Training … TFPT is for current CardRunners members as well as those newbies who have yet to take seriously their resolution to be a winning poker player.

Funny to me … but probably not so much to any recent victim of sexual assault.

Also could be rather offensive to a poker player suffering egregious abuse at the hands of a dominating opponent … insensitivity to the latter being enough to discourage me from handing over all my identifying info to Boxbe.

Seriously, LOLed for real multiple times. And more than 90,000 views after being up for just a couple weeks? Not even Durrrr and Jungleman draw those kinda numbers right out the gate. Might this be the show about poker (online poker specifically) that transcends Norman Chad and 2+2?

CR is a finalist for “favorite poker resource” in the 2010 Bluff Readers Choice Awards, too. Vote here!

More nice work from JimmyLegs, aka John Wray.

Have a look at some of CR’s premier filmmaker’s efforts to enjoy himself while making videos generally of online poker screens.

That, of course, is all the more reason for you to sign up and give the training videos at CardRunners a try.

Negreanu just countered back after I triple-word scored on “SIZED”. Seems he’s playing from his new iPad from NAPT at the Bike.

@RealKidPoker: “34,575 end lvl 4. Nice little comeback reminiscent of my start in EPT Vienna. A bit tired, and playing words with friends to pass time.”

Gahagan may have just pulled ahead with his 57-pointer “VIEW” off my “QUIDS”, but I’m not drawing dead yet. As for Kevmath, I’m on the warpath after he used a questionable “ER” to position off a triple word score.

If HR2267 had already passed, I’d be looking to lay some cash on this tonight.

A new movie — Hitting the Nuts — debuted a couple weeks ago at the Cincinnati Film Festival to overwhelmingly positive reviews and even won the 2010 Audience Award for Best Narrative Feature. The story is a tale of professional poker’s “farm system” in Scott County, Indiana …it’s supposedly a little Waiting for Guffman, a little Spinal Tap, and by my take even a little Greater Tuna. Not about the actual WSOP as much as it is getting to the WSOP … by way of a big annual legally questionable tournament.

Seems potentially funny-ish … but probably better than the Grand, poker’s last mockumentary, which proved to be a box-office flop despite a star-studded cast with the likes of Ray Romano, David Cross, Cheryl Hines, and Woody Harrelson, who perhaps ironically made his name in Hollywood by playing a character from rural Indiana:

The producers come from LA and Las Vegas improv troupes (we have improv troupes in Vegas?) — and their actors are all no-names. Sure, Cincinnati’s no Cannes, but still … there were only 13 total awards given in Cincy, and Hitting the Nuts was competing with nearly 100 other films … many with award-baiting titles like Grandchildren of the Cuban Revolution, Sounds of Beirut, and Trailerpark.

John K’s blog, interesting, well-analyzed poker-tinted life stuff from an accomplished Vegas grinder still trying to get there: [JK's Blog]

Pauly, on a site not about poker, on a documentary about Mad Men culture, and why it’s better to be a creative person than a suit. [Tao of Pauly]

Wonk out with your Donk out … our friends at CardRunners have set up a site monitoring legal developments in poker. [Poker Law Bulletin]

Corny T-shirts, designed by women poker players for women poker players at family picnics and in ladies events. [PMS Pokerwear]

A rap album all about poker — Portland, Maine, represent! (PokerRapper]

Yo, turns out Jeff Madsen was right about 9/11 all along, obv. [The Onion]

(Think he’s bluffing?)

Then I saw the plate and thought, pfft, dude we so already got that one … but it is a nicer pic, I guess. Just an iPhone, really?

Then I went back to the original post about this specific license plate, also spotted at the Rio during the WSOP, shortly before the main event … and WTF?

There’s gotta be a story here, if not a dead body or at least a prop bet …

Though presumably not involved, the West Virginia variety of this plate original is here.

Corvette-ness makes the hedline seem plausible. Would have to cross-reference Clark County impound records with arrest reports from Las Vegas Metro to be sure … and though the presence of stripper-glitter in the passenger seat could be a telltale sign, windows were too tinted to be certain.

UPDATE: Or you could just check Wikipedia … to be reminded that Layne Flack does indeed hail from the state that some people consider the Oklahoma of Nebraska.

UPDATE: Or Panorama Towers. Word is the ride belongs to Jeff Madsen.

The License Plate Bet
Winner gets to choose the loser’s license plate for a set period of time.

Simple, poignant, highly visible … up to 7 characters that if clever enough could stick with your opponent in a way that brings shame and embarrassment for years to come! But because the DMV has final approval, no worries about being tagged with something not-so-funny like HERPES or IH8NGRS.

Suggestions to start you thinkin’ about your glorious inverse-vanity payday …

According to the Nevada DMV’s Personalized License Plate Availability Search:

PERVERT – not suitable
GAYBOY – available!
DOOSH – not available
DOUCHEE – available!
DBAG – available!
2XLOSER – available!
HOOKER – not suitable
ESKIMO – not available
RAIL HO – available!
420 DLR – pending review
J YANG – available!
FARTER – available!
POTHEAD – not suitable
IBTIPSY – available!
COKEDUP – available!
DIKSHIT – available!

OK, that’s enough for now. Don’t wanna give all the good ones away. While some alphanumeric combos seem to be already blocked, the others still must pass human muster with the DMV … but that means there’s a chance for human error or other shenanigans to slip something through like this one, which seems perfectly appropriate for Hummers and certain sports cars.

He comes to the table plenty-well bankrolled and plays what first appears to be a loose-aggressive game. But just when you think you’ve sniffed out a big bluff — hey, he doesn’t have a Porsche, that’s just a license plate frame! — turns out you were right, kinda. It’s not the nut Porsche as represented … but he does still have a Range Rover, which is better than your set of kings.

(Doh!)

Dude banks on lesser drivers letting him get there. Also knows how to run over a table.