I’d like to start this week’s column by congratulating my fellow countryman James Dempsey on his victory at the WPT Five Diamond World Poker Classic. To celebrate, here is a patriotic picture.

British people are required to carry similar images on their person at all times. It’s why we’re such a cynical and self-deprecative nation. That concludes today’s sociology lecture, now it’s time for a barrel-full of news you might have missed.

Irish Up The Rake

Our friends on the Emerald Isle have been having a spot of bother with their economy recently. Something to do with a global recession. Regardless, the trickle down effect is increased taxes levied against online gambling. Inbound legislation will raise the money owed on each bet placed. Woe betide any external operators looking to take Irish currency. The duty on each offshore bets is increasing from 0 to 15% in a move that will earn the government €20 million a year. [Gambling Kingz]

Jacko’s Ball

There’s a new leader in the race for Most Ludicrous Idea Ever, thanks to gaming portal OnlineGamblingPal, who recently unveiled plans to turn some of the late Michael Jackson’s hair into a tasteful roulette ball. It’s what the king of pop would have wanted. Honestly, that’s what they think. A public statement claimed that creating a piece of casino paraphernalia, “seems like a fitting use for [the hair].” Right then. [Rolling Stone]

Randy’s Record

Online grinder nanonoko is already a legend among his peers, but the youthful poker whiz has announced plans to take his stardom to new heights by earning an entry in the Guinness Book of World Records. Randy hasn’t decided exactly which feat of endurance he’d like to attempt and is currently taking suggestions from the denizens of 2+2. The best idea will be carried out at the PokerStars Caribbean Adventure in January. [Poker News Daily]

A French Suit

One big downside to a tightly regulated gambling market is that when things go wrong, it’s the government that takes the hit. And there’s nothing people like more than blaming their government for stuff. Take one unnamed French gambling, addict for example. He contacted the Interior Ministry to have himself added to a list of people excluded from online gambling sites, but thanks to a bureaucratic mix-up, the degenerate in question found himself mysteriously unblocked. He is now suing his government for €100,000 ($133,000). [AFP]

What does a gambling addict buy with that kind of money? Maybe a roulette ball made from the fibres of a dead megastar? Perhaps he could build a whole museum of morbid casino equipment. Hey, that gives me an idea. I must dash, I’ve got a plan to make my millions crafting dealer buttons from Charlie Sheen’s discarded toenail clippings. Au revoir!

Online gambling is discovering allies in the strangest places, as Utah just announced their support of Barney Frank and online gambling regulation. Meanwhile, the New Hampshire lottery runs into problems with the UIGEA. Plus, why are Irish banks searching peoples bank accounts for online gaming transactions? Watch and see!

Clearly not that closely related.

Hmm, all this time I thought …

Padraig Harrington, brother not-the-brother of poker-great Dan Harrington, won the British Open yesterday at Royal Birkdale in Scotland. Congrats, distant-cousin (several times removed) to poker! That’s two-in-a-row at the British Open for Harrington — making him the first European to repeat in more than 100 years. Wow.

Meanwhile, a lot of people have finally read and are talking about the more pokery Harrington’s new(ish) back-to-back cash game books. Supposedly they’re great — that’s what everynone’s saying. I’m starting to wonder if one of the reasons I’m doing so poorly in golf tournaments these days isn’t because I’m one of the few players who hasn’t read his Iliad on tournament play yet.