If you’ve heard my permanent Wolfman Jack impression while listening to Beyond The Table, you might not be surprised to learn that my voice is not naturally this sexy. I had a little help from my friends. Actually, I had a LOT of help. Before the age of 6, I had undergone over 30something surgeries on my throat and vocal chords. Some of those were emergency surgeries to open my airway, and some were simply maintenance to avoid more emergencies. The end result would be a voice that only a mother could love. Well, her and a disproportionately large number of black women. Apparently, I sound like this guy. But unfortunately, they usually look like this girl, and never like my new chocolate crush, this girl.

The bottom line is that the good people at Cook Children’s Hospital saved my life more than once, and I couldn’t be more pleased to tell you about the Jeremy’s Friends Poker Tournament, coming up on Saturday, May 31st @ 6pm.

How’s this for quality charity poker – 1′st place wins a Main Event entry w/airfare and hotel! Runner up gets a phat entry into the upcoming $3,000,000 tournament at Winstar, which I hear is being televised. There won’t be much fight for 3rd to 9th place, as EVERYBODY else at the final table will win $440 Super Satellite entries for the same Winstar mega tournament. Not bad, guys! Too bad we all know that charity poker is rigged!

If you are in the North Texas area and would like to battle it out against me and a few other do-gooders, contact Jeremy’s Friends by emailing: jeremysfriendspoker@gmail.com

Still no word from SnG Steve on whether or not he’s man enough to wear a dress.

I’m sure he’ll say that he was busy at work… Whatever. Stephen, if you’re truly afraid of the dress, you can always get iced out.

The rest of you haterz can get yo Poker Grillz HERE.

SnG Steve… You can run briskly walk, but you can’t hide.

The BTT crew: Poker talk fused with gay jokes and fat commentary was all the rage in 2007.

Some of you have been wondering, why no new episodes of Beyond the Table? Tom, Karridy, and I have been wondering the same thing. It’s been a good run, and with drinks in the air, three guys who clearly love/hate the sounds of their own voices are calling it podcast quits.

Back when we started, our show about poker but not really about poker stood out as revolutionary in a sea of lame poker interviewcasts with questionable audio quality. Soon after iPod sales were booming as more and more of the world got hooked on downloading poker audio with funny intros and Angry Julie cameos. But Tom couldn’t handle the celebrity and Karridy developed a crack addiction lives got busy and producers for Beyond the Table fared about as well as drummers for Spinal Tap. The show hired Shamus at a fraction of a Cambodian farmer’s wage to pump up our numbers — did he ever get his T-shirt? — but with a new generation of poker podcasts getting better and stronger (Lou Kreiger, Gary Wise, 2+2, Pocket Fives, Ante Up, Poker Road, et al) old-school payola wasn’t enough to save us from going out on the podcast bubble.

Listen below to a heretofore unpublished episode (recorded on 2-27, my dream flop) as your favorite semi-amateur yammerers phone it in for the last and final-ish time:

Beyond the Table: Fin

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Thanks for listening via RSS, iTunes, play-in-popup, and direct download … we already miss ourselves.

You can still prank call Karridy on the Beyond the Table listener line at 888-820-8091.

DALLAS–The charity tourney for Bea’s Kids was Saturday night, and none other than your second-favorite host of Beyond the Table won it! No, I’m not talking about Tom … In a field of 80-someodd players — most of whom had little or no experience — Karridy took down first prize, winning a 52-inch HDTV for his efforts and charitable donation(s). Nice!

Karridy Askenasy, counting out his chips two at a time before making a call and sucking out on the river (four outer?) to win the 2nd Annual Bea’s Kid’s Texas Hold’em Tournament.

His victory was extra impressive not just because at one point he was the chip leader at the final table with an M=4, but also because he played taking a note from Gentle Shane and acted the whole time as if this were his very first time playing poker. “For a second there I thought that was Jamie Gold,” said one of his more knowledgeable competitors.

Even if Karridy hadn’t won it — along with my $20 in our lasts-longest bet — this was still a great event. Kudos to tourney organizers for kicking it old-school and insisting on giving non-raffle prizes to the winners, and to Eddie Deen’s for not letting legally questionable threats from anti-poker forces get in the way of raising money for a good cause.

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Strange. Just listened to the latest episode of Beyond the Table, the first of the new year. If you haven’t queued up “ . . . Who Needs Enemies?” yet, let me forewarn you. The guys talk about poker. That’s right. Poker. I mean like all the way through.

What the hell?

After a brief rundown of the several January tourneys presently ongoing, Tom offers some winning wisdom regarding tourney selection. Then, prompted by a question from Karridy, there follows a smart, insightful discussion about differences between cash game players and tourney players. Yeah, I know. “Smart” and “insightful” usually ain’t what us BTT fans are looking for. But there it is.

Next the trio turn their attention to Dan’s first poker session after moving to Vegas, as well as the rambling, gambling fortunes of Dan’s friend, Bob. The show concludes with a stunner of sorts regarding CardPlayer’s recent 12-page, comprehensive overview of “Poker’s 2007 Odyssey: A Review of the Year’s Historic Events.” (Hint: The article ain’t as comprehensive as one might have hoped.)

Oh, there were opportunities for the hosts to get away from the pokery content. Other topics arise, such as Dan’s sex life, Barack Obama, and froteurism. (Not at the same time. Ahem.) But somehow none of these offered enough turbulence to divert Beyond the Table from its poker-specific flightpath.

Do let the BTT hosts know how you feel about this strange new development by calling the listener line at (888) 820-8091 or emailing theshow(at)beyondthetable(dot)com.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines “diagnosis” as the “determination of the nature of a diseased condition; identification of a disease by careful investigation of its symptoms and history; also, the opinion (formally stated) resulting from such investigation.” Such is the theme of “Card Sick,” this week’s year-ending installment of Beyond the Table.

Co-hosts Karridy, Dan, and Tom collectively look ahead to 2008 by diagnosing one another’s poker games (and/or lives). In so doing, the trio take turns enacting each of the roles typically occurring in yr basic health care scenario — patient, physician, and insurance provider.

For example: Dan spends most of the episode as patient, sharing relevant details about his history and identifying his goals moving forward. Tom acts as Dan’s physician, offering tips for how Dan can improve the health of his bankroll in the coming year. Meanwhile, Karridy explains to Dan the limits of his coverage. Thus when Dan says he’d like to make a final table of a “major event,” Tom assesses the likelihood of such an occurrence (given the patient’s current vital signs), while Karridy reminds Dan he can’t afford to enter that many “major events.” And so forth.

A quiet time of year poker-wise, so not a lot of hard-hitting news in this week’s episode. There is some discussion of the 2008 WSOP schedule, details of which were largely gleaned from Craig Cunningham’s blog. Head over to C.C.’s site for more such info. And perhaps a Christmas carol, too.

And remember you can always send your own diagnoses of BTT (including how new producer Ryan is doing) to
theshow(at)beyondthetable(dot)com and/or call ’em in to (888) 820-8091.

Following a pattern established by arena faves Frampton, Kiss, and Cheap Trick, this episode of Beyond the Table captures the group in a rare live performance. With no edits, overdubs, or other studio gimmickry, “Live and Otherwise” finds BTT returning to its off-the-cuff, improvisational roots.

The set gets going with a raucous medley of blues-based numbers, including soon-to-be-classics “Queens Done Done Me In (Again)” — featuring a solo from Little Tommy Schneider — and the Askenasy-penned “I Think My Hair Has a Mind of Its Own.” The group then transitions into a surprisingly peppy version of “House Hoppin’ Blues” chronicling Dan’s recent move Vegas-ward.

From there the boys turn topical, with rockers “Flight of the Dragon” (noting David Pham’s having locked up Player of the Year), “Enjoying the Game” (an homage to Chip Reese), and “Guilt Trip” (regarding the Vaughn-Mizzi account-purchasing affair). As an encore, the group surprises the audience with a new title, “Fortune’s Steward,” a brief romp recognizing Falstaff, author of PokerStage and tireless organizer of the recent WPBT Winter Gathering.

Be sure to catch this important live document of the power trio’s development, circa late-2007. And be sure to email your feedback to theshow(at)beyondthetable(dot)com and/or call the listener line @ (888) 820-8091.

Happy Holidays from the Beyond The Table crew!
And because I am a sucker for this kind of stuff… Click below to watch Tom, Dan, and myself shake our naughty elf asses.

Unbeknownst to Tom, I am offering a copy of his Book, Oops!, I Won Too Much Money, to the person that sends us a link to the most humorous Elf Yourself, featuring your choice of Poker’s more notable characters. In addition to winning the perfect stocking stuffer, the winning submission will be posted here, on Pokerati, and at BeyondTheTable.com. Deadline is 12/23. Game on!

I recall a short while back reading Tom Schneider opine at length here on Pokerati about tourney blind structures. In a memorable post, Tom suggested an innovative arrangement wherein the blinds would go up in proportion to the number of players remaining (or average chip stack — same diff.), as opposed to having timed levels. For those who missed it, here’s the post, modestly titled “The Blind Structure Solution.”

Whether you think Tom is full of applesauce or not, his idea clearly demonstrates how the hosts of Beyond the Table are willing — indeed, eager — to think outside the box, to push the envelope, to destroy old paradigms . . . .

You know. Screw with us.

Which is why we get not one but two new shows almost simultaneously. Though one isn’t a “real” show. That’s right. The one on which Tom, Karridy, and Dan all appear — titled “BTS: The Cheating Beating” — should not be mistaken for a regular installment. (BTS = “Beyond the Show.”) Listen to hear the trio’s sober debate on ethics and online poker. (Full summary here.)

Meanwhile, we are to understand the one featuring Dan and guest co-host Robert Goldfarb — “Booty Call” — to be a “real” episode. What makes one “real” and one not? Hard to say, although it appears we’ve got ourselves an indisputably authentic BTT show whenever Dan gets drinky and starts talking about strippers, Scotty Nguyen bobblehead dolls, yard sales, religion, Tom’s POY chances, and/or hits his mute button.

Don’t trust me, though. Go listen to both and decide for yourself. And tell ’em what you think — about blind structures, strippers, “reality,” etc. — by emailing theshow(at)beyondthetable(dot)com and/or calling the listener line — (888) 820-8091.

Via our friend, Short-Stacked Shamus:…

Have had a significant increase in email messages turning up in the ol’ inbox here lately. To what should I attribute my sudden surge in popularity? I think the answer is obvious. My occasional postings over here at Beyond the Table have no doubt spread my fame to places I had never even imagined possible.

I mean I am getting email messages from people I don’t even know, if you can believe that. Just this week I’ve gotten several offers to “find ways to save on [my] meds,” to “eat want [I] want and still lose those terrible pounds,” to “cure premature ejaculation (not just stop it!),” to “give [my] partner the loving she deserves,” to “experience for [my]self the excitement of winning real money online,” and to “become completely happy with the way [my] breasts look.”

Somewhere in there I also received a note from Karridy saying something about a new show, titled “The Fall of Danang.” No special offers, though. Which is fine, as I have plenty of those to deal with at the moment . . . .

Check out this week’s show. And ride the BTT hosts’ coattails along with me by emailing them at theshow(at)beyondthetable(dot)com and/or calling the listener line: (888) 820-8091.

There’s even more wit where that came from, over at Hard-Boiled Poker. Thanks, Shama-lama-ding-dong.

T.J. Cloutier has another “blog” about good times around the unique concept of the US Poker Bowl with his Dallas Roughnecks teammates. Though for some reason he doesn’t extol the virtue of Karridy’s team management prowess — he was the bossman of the Roughnecks — in it T.J. does point us to Kenna James’ write-up about the same event — where the singing cowboy discusses how the team concept really got his juices flowing as a guy who played sports in high school but always found himself sitting on the sidelines.

Good stuff. Can’t wait to do the commentationating once they cut it all up.

I think I’ll bid on this item, since I didn’t get my personally autographed copy during the PokerBowl as promised. Speaking of, here is a great article by Dallas Roughneck, T.J. Cloutier, on the unfortunate demise of my team.

I was noticing that I was playing VERY sloppy SnG’s lately. I had a nice MTT win and had pretty much pissed it all away before deciding to try to occupy myself with a few more tables, hoping it would keep me from trying to get too tricky, which seemed to be my major downfall. I think my test went very well in the short time I applied it. It started going better when Robert (Goldfarb) suggested that I use the “aim for third” strategy. I’m a little disappointed that during this period, I decided to play 6 tables at a time, as opposed to the 4 that I was playing before. It was a little tough to handle and I think Robert’s advice would have paid off even better otherwise.

My results so far…

Total Tables: 14
Total Fees: $176
Average Fee: $12.57
Won: $297
Profit: $121
Profit Per Table: $8.64
ROI: 68.75%

Granted, this is a small sampling size and pretty short “one round” sessions (For better or worse?)… I wanted to do some rough projections. If I were able to maintain this and played 50 SnG’s a day, I would net $432. Not a bad daily rate. If I stepped it up to $20 SnG’s, I believe my win rate would be the same or better, because the players will be a little better and at these stakes, that’s a good thing. So, keeping it the same and playing 50 a day, I would drag $864. $30 SnG’s makes it $1296.

This all sounds great, but I know my rate would suffer as the day went on. But then again, who’s to say that I have to play all of these in one chunk? I also know the competition would get a little steeper, but I’d be fine with even a 20 percent dip in ROI based on these factors.

Not very scientific, but interesting I think.

Depending on when you are reading this, you might be learning of the good news before they do. By “they”, I am referring to my partners in podcast crime, Tom Schneider and Dan Michalski. Just a little while ago, I received a welcomed email from Pokerpreneuer and PokerBowl creator, John Nightingale. It appears that the dick sucking negotiating that I did has paid off and Tom and Dan will be the on-screen commentators for the inaugural airing of the US PokerBowl.

While they do make up a charismatic 50% of Beyond The Table, it will be very interesting to see how the audience reacts to the brewsome twosome once they are presented visually. I, on the other hand, will be doing my best to raise the aesthetic average of the player field when I sit down with TJ Cloutier and the rest of the Dallas Kowboys on October 19th, in Vegas. I wonder if my BFF’s will find it in them to afford me a little favoritism kick-back come game day…

And before he was commentator on Fox Sports Prime-Time, he was getting his 3 minutes on ESPN.

P.S. – The latest episode of Beyond The Table is my all-time favorite. Nothing sexy, just fun pokery goodness.

Alt Hed: Watch out, Balsbaugh!