Poker Faces in the Crowd

by , Oct 16, 2006 | 2:31 am

Online poker is kinda-sorta illegal now. Pokerati wanted to know America’s thoughts … so we asked the question, How has the new law affected you?

Jennifer Cortez
Account executive

“I think it’s just wonderful. My boyfriend played that PartyPoker like all the time. But now we will be able to see the latest Jennifer Aniston movie, and we can take more walks while holding hands. Do you know how many baby showers we’ve missed because Christopher was ‘near the bubble’?”

Ghassan Abdulhamid Bibi
Starbuck’s employee

“This is total bullshit! I have been playing step tournaments for two years in an effort to qualify for the WSOP and help Al Qaeda make enough money to purchase nuclear weapons from North Korea. The plan to sneak them through America’s weak ports was almost ready to go, but now we have been foiled again. Damn you George Bush! Allah Akbar al-Poker!”

Maurice Nelson

“The new law is clearly discriminatory and violates my rights under the Americans with Disabilities Act. It’s hard to play in a casino when you can’t use your arms.”

Mrs. Michalski
Occasional Pokerati reader

“Dan, I know you’re upset, hon, but try to see the bright side. I think this will be really good for you, because from what I’ve read on the internet, you almost always lose. Will you be coming over for Thanksgiving?”

Official ferret of Kappa Alpha, University of Arkansas

“Uh, poker what? I have no idea. Why are you asking me? I am frickin’ ferret. Look, over there, socks!”

Jeffrey Schmollack
Fake WSOP Commissioner

“Off the record? We’re talking off the record? OK, dude, let me tell you, this is so awesome. I mean AWEsome! We didn’t have a fucking clue how we were ever going to handle 12,000 people. And let me tell you something else … those online sites … they made a lot of money. Like billions, man. Give us two years and you’ll see, with soft money greasing the right pockets and the Brits out of the equation, it can all belong to Harrah’s. Why do you think we want that website so bad?”

4 Comments to “Poker Faces in the Crowd”

  1. Windbreaker

    LOL. Great post, Dan.

  2. Gonz

    Funniest thing you’ve ever written. Short list, but still.

  3. onion

    Hi. Nice try. We’d like our bit back, please. Thanks.

  4. 5-year Anniversary of the UIGEA Becoming Law - Black Friday wasn't the first time Uncle Sam slapped poker in the face

    […] Let’s have a little flashback, shall we … to slightly more innocent-til-proven-guilty times … commemorating this uber-significant day in poker history: Poker Faces in the Crowd October 16, 2006 […]