Of “Lumps” & Englishmen

by , Jul 2, 2008 | 4:58 pm


Peter the Great

It had already been a wild and fun night in a loose 3-6 Omaha Hi-Lo w/ full kill game at Binion’s and I was about to call it a night at 4 a.m. when this drunk Englishman stumbled to the table with a fist full of chips. I could tell right away this guy was going to be interesting, and likely to give away his stacks.

Unsurprisingly, he proceeded to give away some of his roll. After one guy took a nice pot, the Englishman said, “You American lump!” and started cackling.

“A lump? What’s a lump?” asked the guy incredously.

“What’s your name?” the Englishman asked.

“Dave. Who are you?”

“Peter. Peter the Great.”

At some point later someone used a slang term. I can’t recall it at the moment, but a riled up Peter the Great responded, “We gave you the English language and you desecrated it. You don’t speak the Queen’s English.”

Robert, a Binion’s regular, chimed in with, “Is that the English queen or a drag queen?”

Peter the Great pointed his finger at Robert. “You don’t insult the queen. That’s one thing you don’t do.”

“Is Prince Charles going to be the king or are they going to pass him over?” Robert asked.

To which Peter the Great quipped, “We should put a man of great intellect in the position…like George W. Bush, shall’nt we?” And then he cackled.

Later, after continued banter between the Americans and the Brit, Peter the Great remarked how England was the greatest country in the world and had given the world the greatest culture.

“Like the Titanic?” asked Dave.

Peter the Great cackled. “The Titanic was built in Ireland!”

“Wasn’t there a problem with the rivets?” Dave asked.

“They were probably American rivets,” Peter the Great replied.  

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