Day 1c Preview: Phil Hellmuth’s Made-for-TV Main Event Entry

Really? Wow.

by , Jul 4, 2009 | 8:48 am

Here’s a sneak peak at what Phil Hellmuth has in store for his Day 1. Would be really ballsy if he saved it for the final table … because hey, actually that would be pretty cool if final tableists could enter the “arena” like professional wrestlers, or at least boxers. But for Day 1 of a tournament that’s already started? Man, I really wanna poo-poo it for the ridiculousness … but he is the biggest man when it comes to WSOP Hold’em … so why not let him be the Ric Flair of Poker? This is Vegas, after all, so ridiculousness pretty much works.

Mostly SFW pics of women wearing togas and male gladiators below. The Phil Hellmuth marketing machine is still working on getting real horses into the Rio, and they’ve got a plan B ready to go if that can’t work:


Participants
Phil Hellmuth (1)
Body-painted female gladiators (11)
Toga-wearing female muses with petal baskets (50)
Roman Guards/Gladiators in full uniform (4)
Trumpeteers (2)
Announcer (1)

General

  • The entire entrance should take no more than 15 minutes
  • Entrance timing will be approximately 12:45 to coincide with first break of the Main Event
  • Exact location of Phil’s start for entrance is tbd by the Rio
  • Entry point in the map is between room 45 and the restrooms
  • Poker main event is in rooms 37, 44, and 45


Prep Stage

  • Phil rests in the air-conditioned UB van in Rio parking lot
  • Roman Guards/Gladiators stand guarding the UB van in Rio parking lot
  • Muses roam the parking lot area near the convention center entrance
  • Female gladiators with a toga over their bodies roam the parking lot area near the convention center entrance
  • Trumpeteers setup at Convention Center Entrance, not moving
  • Announcer is not visible

Stage I – Phil approaches the Rio
  • Trumpeteers blow first sounds to initiate his entrance
  • Phil exits the UB van and heads toward Rio Entrance (tbd whether on horse-driven chariot or without horses.  If with horses, then roman guards, if no horses, then gladiators pull him in)
  • Roman guards fall in near Phil but at a distance
  • Muses head towards the convention center entrance and form a path for Phil’s entry
  • Female gladiators start falling in behind Phil.  Each one takes off the toga as she stands behind Phil.
  • Announcer is seen running towards the convention center entrance and begins reading off scroll announcing the Caesar: Phil

Stage II – Phil reaches the Rio entrance
  • Trumpeteers blow second sounds as Phil reaches the convention center
  • Phil is now 2/3 surrounded by female gladiators and the four Roman Guards.
  • All muses are now immediately following the inner circle and provide the background for Phil’s entrance.
  • Announcer wraps up his speech

Stage III – Phil walks into the Rio and to the Main Event room
  • Trumpeteers stay back outside of Rio entrance
  • Phil has 11 female gladiators immediately next to him and is preceded by the roman guards into the Main Event room
  • Roman guards walk inside the room but stay immediately next to the entrance
  • Muses walk up to the entrance but don’t actually go into the main event room

Stage IV – Phil takes a seat at the featured table
  • Female gladiators each give Phil a kiss and walk out one-by-one after doing so.  With each kiss each of the other girls and the muses outside the door all make a loud sound of “oooooohhhhhhh”.
  • Last female gladiator gives Phil his UB hockey jersey to wear over the entry costume
  • Guards walk out with the last female gladiator
  • Muses, Guards, and female gladiators exit the Rio.


5 Comments to “Day 1c Preview: Phil Hellmuth’s Made-for-TV Main Event Entry ”


  1. Poker Shrink
    says:

    All we need now is a Rio security guard to threaten Dan’s media credential for leaking this super secret plan.


  2. SangyFarha
    says:

    If poker survives this I”m fully prepared to say poker is shark proof.


  3. Kevin Mathers
    says:

    Who knew the first break was around 12:45.


  4. Johnny Hughes
    says:

    …So, if this is indeed satire, a fake master plan, then it is funnier than Jonathan Swift and Mark Twain. If it is NOT satire, a fake master plan, it is funnier than Jonathan Swift and Mark Twain, by accident.

    This is the kind of thing that reminds folks of their high school English class. Recall pride and the rise and fall of the classic Greek man?

    I’ll bet Phil Hellmuth sneaks off alone to bathroom stalls to look at a mirror as much as he can.


  5. Big Daddy
    says:

    I call BS. But good BS. If not BS then shame on Rio, WSOP, JP, and ESPN.