Duke of Fremont Set to Face Assailants

OPINION
1) Conspiracy to commit kidnapping
2) Conspiracy to commit robbery
3) Robbery with a deadly weapon
4) Burglary while in possession of a deadly weapon
5) False imprisonment with a deadly weapon
6) Battery with a deadly weapon
Unbelievably, the jury acquitted Edmond Price on the charge of Attempted Murder and Conspiracy to Commit Murder. The following is my opinion in regard to the jury’s recent Attempted Murder and Conspiracy to Commit Murder acquittal of Ed Price:
On June 26th, 2010 I was cowardly attacked from the rear with a tire iron by Edmond Price. I was initially hit at least twice on the head with full force with this lethal item. Have you ever been hit by a tire iron with full force? It could easily crack your skull open and spill your brains out. As dazed as I was I still had the presence of mind to grapple with Price to keep him from hitting me with this tire iron again. While defending myself against Price’s attack Victoria Edelman, his fellow conspirator, starts bludgeoning my cracked skull with anything she can get her hands on. She breaks a lamp over my head into thousands of chards of glass. She breaks a toilet tank lid over my head. She impales the crown of my head with an iron. She takes my two wheel dolly and converts it into a hoe that she rakes across my bleeding skull. These are only the items I recall being pummeled with. There were probably many more. During this assault I sustain a severe concussion, fractured cheek bones, ruptured ear drums, several severe lacerations on my head and hands and multiple broken bones in my hands and fingers. My right thumb is almost detached, my left middle finger is almost severed. My ring finger nail is almost ripped off. My ribs are all damaged, perhaps fractured, making it excruciating to breath. Somewhere in this fray I am even scalped! In this century I’m probably one of the only people in the entire World who has had the misfortune of being scalped let alone surviving this brutal torture!