Eskimo Bracelet Buy-It-Now, More Eastgate Swag for Sale, Phillips\’ Quitter Quotient + Happy and Gay in Poker

WSOP-eBay

Gold is currently selling for $1,390 an ounce, just short of what Eskimo would need for his next WSOP buy-in.

I’m back in action because I thought I was going to be up this morning spending my Pokerati paycheck on an Eskimo Clark bracelet — there’s one for sale on Ebay right now, in an auction that closes in about an hour. But holy meltdown, they’re up to 15 bids already, from six different bidders, and $4,050! That’s already more than TJ Cloutier got for his pawned-off WSOP hardware nearly a year ago, and puts Eskimo\’s jewels way out of my league unless someone wants to give me a raise by infinity. Can you say, “Going once, going twice … going in your pants at the table?”

The auction closes today at 10 am PT.Get in before this “pre-owned” 1999 $1,500 Razz beauty is gone. (Replace the word Razz with \”Dodge Neon\” and that\’s what my last boyfriend used to say to initiate foreplay.)

I knew I had no chance of scoring Peter Eastgate’s bracelet on eBay last week. His newer model fetched a whopping $147,500 after Interpoker got into a bidding war with Tony G, who made a play for the limelight by blog-bragging about plans to buy it for a collar for his dog. Inter stepped in to thwart him from making a “mockery” of the WSOP, but I’m not sure which is worse – seeing a WSOP bracelet on a dog or seeing it on eBay. But with the prize going to anonymous bidder \”7***l\”, it did raise a lot of money for UNICEF.

And check it out, Eastgate\’s not done hawking his WSOP main event booty yet. Little Petey’s now got his “2008 WSOP Final Table Corum timepiece” for sale. The seller is “petereastgate” himself, making his first ever eBay posting. Asking price: $7,000. Money from that auction will go to UNICEF, too, but so far it has 0 bidders and closes on Friday.

Maybe I’ll use what I thought I\’d spend on Eskimo to buy a couple Peter Eastgate 8x10s.

Four EPT winners walk into a bar …

Eastgate ups the ante for promising poker quitters like Carter Phillips, who says he’s 95 percent sure he’s done with poker after being robbed of €4,000 at EPT Barcelona. The defending champion claims he was attacked by Zorro … but this machete-wielding lunatic wasn’t like the one at EPT Berlin. Phillips was with three other up-and-coming big-money pros — Kevin Stani (winner EPT-Tallin), Kayvan Payman (final table EPT-London) and William Reynolds (winner PCA High Roller) — when they supposedly got pickpocketed at a \”hookah bar\” (that sounds Spanish for \”hooker bar\”) then ambushed by a man with a frying pan?

Phillips was the only one there with a WSOP bracelet (2010 $1,500 NLH 6-max) to pawn off if he\’s serious about quitting. We all know he\’s bluffing, but when the 21-year-old does decide to man up, drop balls, and get back in the game, it will be a long time before we hear him ask for a chopped pot.

So while I’m still here with nothing to bid on …

Happy-sappy crap

Bryan Micon posted on Facebook over the Thanksgiving holiday: “Let it be known: I have married my beloved Martha.” Inspiring, really. A guy who has made a career out of posting peens on the internet gets married for the SECOND time. Related: In an effort to improve my love life, I am now accepting pics of random wood.

Gavin Smith made himself a baby — with whom, I’ll find out, but right now I know he calls her “Moomy” and she\’s not me. After the birth a couple weeks ago, proud poker papa tweeted, “7lbs 2oz, 20 inches long and quite well endowed if I may say so myself.” Let’s hope Micon doesn’t get a picture of that before the kid gets a million twitter followers.

Mike Matusow has a new girlfriend. Annie LePage, some Las Vegas PETA chick that Dan can\’t shut up about. Let’s face it – Mike Matusow isn’t the sexiest player alive, but I’d take my chances with someone nicknamed “The Mouth”, too. It became official with giddy girltalk about meeting his parents and then a change in Facebook status that I know crushed our Pokerati in Chief. Hey, cheer up, toots. I’m sure Matusow will fuck this up before long. And you can do better with ME and my… um… yeah, nevermind.

No FAIR! I’ve got three!

And finally, once again proving that he’s constantly got male genitals on his mind, Daniel Negreanu paid some dude to get a ‘Loves Cock’ tattoo. Yup, $1,000 was the price happily paid by Kid Poker to see Dominic Mattucci declare his fondness for eating meat. Jeez… wish I’d have known about this before I got mine.

Kim Shannon can be found sexting on Twitter @KimShannon and blogging at Glaring Madness. She keeps sending naked pictures to Donkdown hoping for her big breakthrough, but so far most have been returned to sender.