In 2023, Issac Haxton finally got the WSOP monkey off his back by winning Event #16: $25,000 High Roller. After many second and third-place finishes, he would no longer be known as the “best player to never win a bracelet,” and quickly became known as “the best player to never win a Triton.” Because, to quote Taylor Swift, haters gonna hate.
But now Haxton can shake that off, too, because this past month he took down his first-ever Triton Series title in South Korea. Having 64 cashes, 34 final tables, and six runners-up, it was only a matter of time before the accomplished player would take home the three-pronged trophy, or use it to impale 12-time champion Jason Koon.
To honor Ike’s milestone, I’ve unearthed the royal and ancient art form of the Limerick:
There once was player named Haxton,
And though chips he was always a-stackin’,
The Triton Series said boo,
‘Til he won at Jeju,
Couldn’t tell if it was him ‘cause his mask’s on.
That’s right, now that Haxton can tick off World Series bracelet and Triton Series trophy on his list of accomplishments, to go along with his lifetime cashes of over 60 million dollars, there’s only one neg that DNegs, Hellmuth, and others can throw at him: his perpetual masking at the poker table. Which brings me to the next hot topic of September…
The Masked Vogelsanger
A couple of weeks back, Christoph Vogelsang took down the 100K Triton Jeju Main Event, taking home $4,099,975 and re-igniting the Twitter debate about how much a player should be allowed to cover up at the table.
Like Sergeant Schultz from Hogan’s Heroes, the German wanted his opponents to “See nothing! Nothing!” His hoodie/sunglasses/mouth covering ensemble led many stalwarts of the games, poker and talking smack, to chime in, beginning, it seems, with this post from Will Jaffe:
Jaffe asked, “How is this legal?” referring to Vogelsang’s turtle impression at a pivotal moment.
Answering Jaffe’s rhetorical question and throwing shade on the already shrouded Vogelsang, Daniel Negreanu chimed in:
To summarize @RealKidpoker, waaah! Basically, at the WSOP, you are allowed to cover two out of three of the following body parts: eyes, mouth, and neck; while at Triton events, there are no restrictions.
So, rich people get to do whatever they want without consequence. Welcome to 2025.
Daniel said, “this should not be allowed,” but I disagree. In the case of the Triton Series, I think the lack of restriction makes sense. Hear me out.
These are the most elite players in the world — and Bill Perkins. At this level, covering up is probably one of the only ways of improving one’s edge against other top players.
If I were staking any of these poker pros, I would insist that they wear sunglasses and a ha-jib during tournaments. No exceptions. “Come on, guys, suit up! It’s game theory optimal, not game theory optional. Let’s gooooo!”
During this whole dust-up, Christoph has been silent. Even this summer, when Daniel called the floor on him during the WSOP because he was covering up all three of his tell hot zones, Vogelsang was sanguine, removing his sunglasses with a smile so Daniel could read his soul.
Most players didn’t know about these face-covering restrictions at the World Series. Here are a few even lesser-known rules:
- Phil Hellmuth isn’t allowed to play the Main Event unless he dresses like an idiot on day one.
- During tournament play, Jennifer Tilly’s cleavage cannot be masked.
Beginning next year:
- Will Kassouf will be required to wear a face covering made of acoustic ceiling tile.
- And, Michael “the Grinder” Mizrachi will be allowed to be only one of the following: lucky or good. To be both is unfair.
Cheaters Never Prosper, Until Now
Last month, GGPoker announced that players who have been banned from the site for cheating have a chance to come back. They also announced that the “GG” in their name stands for Great Grifters.
Like me, you may have thought it referred to the abbreviation gg, or good game, which we’ve all seen typed in the chat after bluffing off our stack into the algorithmic nuts. But it seems we were wrong.
Speaking of the algorithm, since online poker always feels like there’s cheating going on even when there’s not, why allow proven cheaters back onto the virtual felt? It will just serve to justify the worst suspicions.
On the other hand, profit is very important to everyone, and when I say everyone, I include corporations, which are, after all, people too.
So when GGPoker tries to ring every dollar out of the poker public, even if it means welcoming back colluders, RTA abusers, and multiple account users into the general population, we have to be understanding.
After all, it must cost a fortune to keep Daniel Negreanu in beard dye and ensure that the WSOP brand is overexposed.
To their credit, GG isn’t guaranteeing that those who apply for the reprieve will get it, and they are quick to say that some players may have been wrongfully banned, so this second chance is only fair.
What a nice poker website. It reminds me of the “Friendly Casino” in Albert Brooks’ Lost In America, where Brook’s character fantasizes he can get his money back after his wife loses their “nest egg.”In other words, it’s not real.
Martin Luther King, Jr. famously said that, “The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.” I think he was right, but I’m not sure online poker is a moral universe.
A Brush With Greatness
I was at the JSX terminal in Burbank, California, with my wife, when who do I see but world-class player, Dan “Jungleman” Cates. He looked like he didn’t want to be bothered. So I decided to bother him.
I wasn’t sure what I was going to say to Jungleman. I had briefly touched upon his legendary match vs. Monarch in my last column, so I tried to formulate a question about that, but I couldn’t think of a damn thing!
I was about to chicken out, but then he turned, and I saw the GTO Wizard “W” patch stuck to his shirt. I thought, “Oh, he wants people to say hi.”
So I approached him and said, “Dan?”
He looked at me briefly, muttered “Yeah,” and then pointed to his ear buds, pretending to be on the phone as he scuttled away. In the end, my brush with greatness was getting the brush from greatness.
A Callback
There once was a rounder named Cates,
He excelled at playing high stakes,
He found it annoying,
That I was fanboying,
Then take off the patch for God ‘s sakes.
Have a great October……
