Phil Hellmuth Sells!With help of PokerBrat romance script
Speaking of Thrillist … my other, non-poker gig … one thing we’ve learned over there is that Thrillist readers care way more about night clubs, booze, restaurants, race cars, and tiddy bars than they ever do about poker.
So I was a little surprised to get the numbers back from last week’s edition, where an item about Phil Hellmuth’s new website for his clothing line was the highest performer. Really? Yep … A decidedly non-pokery readership found the PokerBrat’s T-shirts and Pep Pills more intriguing than an MGM bar, a new gambling-themed wine, casino decor, and a corner of P-Ho where blackjack dealers wear lingerie:
From Thrillist:
Wear: PokerBrat Clothing
These surprisingly subtle tees come from the John McEnroe of poker, 11-time WSOP champ Phil Hellmuth, with highlights including “Poker Tree” (“grow that chip pile from a toothpick to a lumberyard”), and “Poker Skater”, harkening back to his U of Wisconsin transpo from barroom games back to his dorm. Less tastefully, Hellmuth also hawks books, DVDs, and “Go Heads-Up” energy pills, guaranteed to keep you at the table long enough to lose your subtle tee.
Check out shirts and more at PokerBrat.com
They really are some pretty cool shirts. But perhaps the scary thing is clicking through the site, where Hellmuth tries his hand at pokery grocery-store romance. Click below to read about a poker-bratty encounter with the woman who would later become his wife:
EXT. COUNTRY ROAD – LATER THAT NIGHT
She still kicks along. A motorbike headlight comes into view and soon does a U-Turnand coughs to a stop next to her.
PHIL Need a lift? And she skates past him. He sputters after her.
PHIL Let me give you a lift.
KATHY I was having fun in there until you ruined it!
PHIL Sometimes I just...get lost in poker. Sometimes--
KATHY Sometimes you're just a big asshole? You left me standing in the dark, Phil, in the parking lot of a tavern I didn't wannabe at in the first place! That hits him.
PHIL I'm sorry. You drive. (hegets off the cycle) I'll skate. The rest of the way.
KATHY Don't bluff me.
PHIL (bluffing) I'm not bluffing you.
KATHY Yes you are.
PHIL No I'm not.
KATHY Good. And she runs the motorcycle to a start and roars off. He stands in the dark and stares at the disappearing taillight. Shocked, he walks a few confused circles in the middle of the empty country road. Looks at the skateboard in his hands.
PHIL Son of a bitch. He starts kicking along on her board, into the night. OMITTED50 50 INT. KATHY'S APARTMENT - MUCH LATER THAT NIGHT51 51
KATHY opens the doorand is surprised to find a sweaty, scraped-up Phil, obviously a terrible skateboarder.
PHIL Wanted to make sure you got your skateboard back. She takes itand smiles at him, dishevelled...but charming. This guy IS relentless.
KATHY I don't like liking you. And she pulls him in for a kiss.
PHIL I don't like it that you don't like liking me. (kissing) But I get a feeling that you like it that I don't like it that you don't like liking me.
KATHY (laughing) Shut up. Now they're being watched by her Flaming Lipsposters as they pull off each other's shirts on her cheap couch. These are tough kids. Hungry. Lonely.
Justin says:
November 4th, 2008 at 2:46pm
The t-shirts are pretty nice, but they aren’t forty to forty five dollars nice. I like the poker tree t but it’s just too expensive for a damn shirt.
His writing on the other hand… he shouldn’t quit his day job.
Steve Horton says:
November 4th, 2008 at 2:50pm
I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
California Jen says:
November 4th, 2008 at 2:56pm
There are no words.
DanM says:
November 4th, 2008 at 2:59pm
*** I don’t like it that you don’t like
liking me. (kissing) But I get a feeling
that you like it that I don’t like it
that you don’t like liking me.***
These are clearly the words (and thought processes) of a champion.
cowhaus says:
November 4th, 2008 at 3:17pm
*** I don’t like it that you don’t like
liking me. (kissing) But I get a feeling
that you like it that I don’t like it
that you don’t like liking me.***
Yeah, that’s some real 4th level thinking there.
DanM says:
November 4th, 2008 at 3:37pm
Chip Jett went with the whip-it-out method to land Karina. That’s more of a pre-flop all-in shove.
Matt S says:
November 22nd, 2008 at 12:13pm
Where on the site are shirts $45? everything I looked at was $30 or less?… reasonable id say.
Do you guys really think Phil wrote that script? its probably some big shot in hollywood or something.
I say go phil! better than most of the crap merch out there. if only i had some bread.
DanM says:
November 22nd, 2008 at 2:01pm
they must have lowered the prices since this post.
i have a feeling the days of the $98 t-shirt are done … which probably are PH Co. thought they could move these at a “discount”.
And you’ve heard Phil talk before, Matt. Sounds kinda like him, no?
Matt S says:
November 22nd, 2008 at 3:13pm
hmm, i dunno, ive heard him talk a bit I guess, but I play more than i watch all this tv/cable crap or read books. (yeah yeah, I know.. great strategy right?) I dont think i could tell the difference.
honestly, i would think a script about phil *should* probably sound kinda like him? that would be a well written script I would think or like what movies are supposed to capture? then again im a plumber who plays poker occassionally. I wouldnt know good writing if it flopped a full house. heh.
DanM says:
November 22nd, 2008 at 3:18pm
Ahh, Matt the Plumber … I realized after I posted this comment that you were not Matt the Batface. (You have the same last name + an S.)