Brash Online Pro Headed to the Slammer

Carter Gill, 24, a top-ranked online poker pro, may be offline for a while, as he says he’ll be reluctantly turning himself in to authorities in Jefferson County, Oklahoma, to begin serving a 14-day jail sentence. The charges stem NOT from his arrest in September for public drunkenness at WinStar Casino, where he had to leave his chipstack behind in The River main event after being hauled away in a police cruiser (but still took 90th place in absentia, winning $4,540). Instead, he’s answering to the courts for various other unrelated crimes, including a DUI.

Gill is known for his unashamed belligerence, politically incorrect rants, and a “FUCKITALL” attitude. I totally dig this guy, partly because he’s virtually a male copy of myself (so I “get him”) and partly because I respect his game. But a recent Facebook status update shed some new light on his true vagina character: “I really don’t want to go to jail… 14 days is going to be brutal,” he whimpered.

Shortly after publishing that comment, Gill’s ballsack threatened to tear itself off and run away in shame. I was really disappointed to see the him panicking over two short weeks behind bars. Let’s put this in perspective…getting fisted by Edward Scissorhands is brutal.  A coathanger abortion is brutal. Two weeks in a hillbilly jailhouse isn’t so much brutal as it is inconvenient

Keep your chin up, Carter; I’m sure the two weeks behind bars will come and go as fast as your bankroll does.