First off, let me tiltily say I’m a little pissed at Tom, who paid our election bet via PokerStars. Granted, I told him that would be fine … after all, Tom is different from most people in the poker biz, in that he likes to pay off his debts as soon as possible … but as a non-frequent casher-outer on Stars, I didn’t know I couldn’t withdraw these recently deposited funds for 48 hours.

Total bullshit! Though I still for the life of me can’t see how this is any different from transferring funds via TD Ameritrade, it’s not cool to know these winnings are still at risk! I mean my goodness, an extra chunk of cash, right there just a few clicks away from games bigger than I usually play? How on earth could any reasonable degenerate be expected to resist?!?

The set-up below: I had been playing at this table for 15 or 20 minutes … started with $200, and my stack was at its session peak when the hand began. While my first mistake was probably even just being in the hand, this was 6-max NL, baby! Am I wrong to think this is a game of trying to out-felt each other? Grinding is for full tables, and limit … I knew what I was doing here.*

Ugh. So greedy. What’s even worse is pocket 9s is pretty much what I put him on … possibly the nut flush draw, but probably pocket 9s or 10s … even before the river hit. When it did, I quickly assessed the sitch and decided he didn’t have the straight flush, but then I just pretended that 99 also was unlikely. Pretending can’t generally be the right move. How hard, really, in wild-crazy shorthanded NL, should it have been to just call his first bet on the chance that he did indeed hit his two-outer?

* As I say this stuff, I really do believe it, but it really just doesn’t sound like it should be right.

Textual hand history below:

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Warning: What follows is a bad beat story. If you have an aversion to such tales (like I do), please skip this post.

I was playing very well on PokerStars this eve, so I decided to try my new-and-improving tournament game in their “Nightly Seventy Grand” — a $50+5, $70k guaranteed … with about 1,300 players, 198 get paid.

Though I made one mistake that cost me half my stack, and one fold that was correct but woulda worked out in my favor, I was still in good chip position (about 230thish with 735 or so remaining) and my head was in the right place. No tilt factor … knew to be patient and I’d get my hand.

I had already begun thinking about the glorious post I would write upon taking down the $12k first prize — and accepting in my mind that odds were still against my actual winning, so this would more likely be a battle to see just how deep I could get into the real money — but instead I got a reminder of why poker sucks “tournament pro” must be such a terrible way to make a living.

Click below for the complete textual hand history. I can’t stop thinking about it — about an hour and a half later. I’m pretty sure I played the hand itself as right as i could (pushing all-in preflop with Aces), so all I’m left with are regrets over the hand I misplayed an orbit or so earlier. Those extra chips (I was in the top 25 at the time) probably woulda been enough to push RoryClan83 and his 44 out of there, and even if not I’d still have been alive after my Aces got so painfully double-cracked.

Instead, I gave the dumbass my distinguished opponent from Del Boca the ammunition to kill me.

(He would go on to finish in 100th place, paying $105.)

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After much hemming and hawing, I decided to give the $1,500 HORSE a try, what I called “baby” HORSE when discussing it with Andy Bloch in the halls of the Rio. (I think he played it too. What must it be like to bust out of the $50K HORSE and then enter the $1,500 version?)

I had technically “won” the seat already through the Full Tilt Poker Battle of the Blogger tournaments, but I suppose I could throw that money towards anything I wanted (like a new stove that the wife really, really wants). But speaking of decorum, that wouldn’t seem like the right thing to do. So play I did.

My table included five guys I had no clue about, Mike Matusow and Mysterious European WSOP Bracelet Winner (otherwise known henceforth as Player X). Dan has pictures so maybe he will add them to this post. Hint, Hint.

When Matusow walked up to the table, he started counting the fish. He couldn’t find any until I raised my hand.

“Yeah, you look pretty fishy,” he said. “Just kidding, My name’s Mike. Nice to meet you.”

As per most WSOP events, the structure was fast. Either you catch some hands quick to double up and get some play or you go home. For the first two levels I wasn’t really doing either. I think I knew it was going to be a rough day when I raised from the BB in O8 with A-2-3-4 to see a flop of K-4-3, a turn of 7 that made my nut low and a 4 on the river that gave me a complementary full house. Of course, I got quartered by one player’s kings full and Matusow’s A-2.

Meanwhile, Matusow continued chatting up Player X every minute of every hour (they don’t call him “The Mouth” for nothing) with tales of 50K HORSE. He had invested in Mike Wattel, who was the $124K bubble boy in the event.

“He really needed that money,” Matusow said, adding that he saw Wattel in the hall after his bust out and he looked like he wanted to die. Apparently, Wattel had a few stacks shorter than his on the bubble and played a hand he shouldn’t have involved in, according to Matusow.

As for me, I wanted my $1,500 back after I got crippled in Stud. Sarting with split aces, I made aces up on fifth and got check raised by a player who started with a 10 showing and had added a K and Q to his upcards. Not sure if he had a straight, I called him down to try to fill up. I did not and he showed rolled up 10s.

I busted shortly later in Stud/8 when I missed both a low and flush draw. Matusow took the high with two pair and another played got the low (Mr. kings full).

A common question I’m getting these days: “So are you playing much? How’s it going?”

In a nutshell, at the tables, not particularly well. (Especially compared to last year, whence I shocked myself by making more money playing during the WSOP than actually working during the WSOP.) I’ll see if we can’t whip up a visually compelling WSOP bankroll chart/graph … but in the meantime, it’s not like you have to be able to read music to get a sense of what the following — which is all the poker I have played over the past two weeks — would look like:

Day 2, 2/5 NL, Rio, 3 hours:
-$300

Day 6, 2/5 NL, Rio, 2 hours:
-$300

Day 12, 1/3 NL, Rio, 3.5 hours:
-$187

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On Friday I made a pretty big decision that I wasn’t going to play at all here (at the Rio, at least) during the WSOP …

$2/$5 NLH
Buy-in: $300
Cash out: $0
Net: -$300

Argh … the cost of testing out our new little Twitteresque CSR.

And maybe Tom … and their nice friend from Phoenix whose name I forget:

Somewhere along the way to posting six losing sessions out of eight and after receiving a severe tongue-lashing from Robert G (with echoes of Tulsa in my head) I abandoned my soccer-shootout tally and quest for five wins in a row. Hadn’t given it a thought since then, really, until today, upon seeing the results of my past four sessions:

DATE — VENUE — HRS — GAME — BUYIN(s) — CASHOUT — EXTRA — NET
15-Mar – venetian — 5.5 — 2/5 nlh — 600 (2) — 776 — 2 — 174
21-Mar – paris — .25 — 1/2 nlh — 200 (1) — 249 — 2 — 47
22-Mar – golden nugget — 3 — 1/2 nlh — 200 (1) — 1709 — 0 — 1509
24-Mar – venetian – 2.25 – 1/2 nlh — 200 (1) — 1262 — 2 — 1060

I swear I won’t be thinking about it next time I play.

Damn, with all the poker media showing up, I gotta be wondering how on earth everyone’s fitting in. The entire tournament room at Caesar’s Palace is taken for the NBC Heads-up Poker Championship stage … though probably less than 20 percent of that spacious area is allotted for actual seats and non-gaming tables.

Check it out: I shot this last night, around midnight, after the drawing party at Pure:

Dealers, chip runners, and cocktail waitresses were all talking about what a madhouse it was gonna be today. The action was kinda amped up. Though no one tried to make much of it, Jason Alexander had slipped away after the drawing party to play a little 2/5 NLH.

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Though I haven’t been writing much about anything it, I have been hitting the tables here in Vegas. Have sampled a handful of rooms and action … spreading the lore of the Hammer and the Sang all along the way, of course, as I seek to replace the competitive camaraderie of the Batface home game perhaps with something akin to Jackie’s back in the (Dallas underground hey)day.

That came easier than usual this week, when TBR-bro-in-law Patrick came to town. He was staying at the Luxor, so we met up at Cathouse for a drink. (Cathouse is basically like the Lodge without the nipples, and Celeb-chef Kerry Simon in place of Jose Luis.) A couple Lagavulins later, we walked over to Mandalay Bay, where we took two seats together at a $2/$4 no-limit table. This was bigger stakes than either of us had been playing, but hey, we were feelin’ half-drinky good, and it seemed a better option than waiting, as the room was totally full and festive on a Thursday night. A familiar face was seated with us – Ran Nelson, a very good Dallas player whom I hadn’t seen since the days of Jackie’s – what a delight. He had a new cardmarker, a square block of acrylic with his little Stuey guy inside of it, surrounded by chips from the various important poker rooms to Ran, including WinStar in Oklahoma and the old Sixth Street in Dallas.

I was playing great – more-than-doubled up in about an hour by trapping a well-stacked opponent in classic Dan-style … but then was back to square 1 a few hands later when I got unlucky on the turn … and back to square 0 when I don’t remember what I did but I am pretty sure it was stupid, starting with playing the likes of .

Mandalay Bay
$2/$4 NLH
Buy-in: $300
Cash out: $0
Food: starved
Drinks: $28
Net: -$328

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A series of deep-stack tourneys just kicked off over at the Venetian yesterday — $300, $500, $1,000 buy-ins and the like — the 2008 Deep Stack Extravaganza I. It was apparently a pretty big deal … I heard two reports — one saying 600 people with 200 alternates. The other claiming 550 players, and yeah, um, lots of alternates it was crazy! I couldn’t make it, however, because I was engaged in an important face-to-face with the Axis of Evil and poker’s hottest new celebrity dictator, Kim Jong Il:

Apparently the North Korean leader was in town to denounce American political sanctions and play $1/$3 No Limit Hold’em at the Rio.

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It’s been a long time since I posted an online hand history, but if we can’t celebrate this one, then really … why are we here?

(Props to Robert Goldfarb on how I played it to maximize my return.)

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OK, so I already talked about how the Barcelona gypsies took my money, and you may have read about how I busted out early in the WPT Spanish Championship – I should have re-raised with Aces instead of calling a raise with them – but what about the rest of the trip?

I’m normally not much of a complainer, but I want the people that aspire to be a professional tournament poker player to get a realistic idea of what that grind can really entail. Winning sure is fun, but traveling 50 hours in total, flight delays, losing your luggage and most all your C-notes is what it’s all about sometimes.

We arrived in Barcelona at noon on Wednesday. Julie got her luggage at 7 p.m. on Thursday. Let’s just say this would have been a good time for an “Angry Julie” segment on Beyond the Table. The good news for her though is that she had packed her very special curling-iron-blow-dryer-brush in my suitcase, so she didn’t have to go without that until I blew it up by plugging it into the wrong electrical converter. I wish I had recorded that. Then she gets into the shower and I hear, “To-oo-mmm!” Oh shit, what now? The shower’s not draining and water’s getting all over the bathroom floor. Just as we unpacked all our clothes we had to switch rooms.

Our new abode had a 4-foot obstruction right across our whole window. Excellent. And it had a similar problem with the plumbing.
Julie and I did play some cash games, and some even stranger things happened at Casino Barcelona.

First off, if you leave a cash table without picking up your chips, you will be blinded off just like in a tournament. This rule seemed to keep people from taking extended walks and leaving games short-handed, however, I don’t believe that the rule encouraged hand washing after relieving oneself – don’t want to take a 30 Euro dump.

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Let’s not talk about me (and how turning the straight with the second-nuts flush draw didn’t get there) … no no, there’s far more excitement going on in Scottsdale, as our good friends in the Arizona Posse are making quite a showing online this weekend.

Big Robert won a 300-player multi on Full Tilt last night–paid about $7,000–and tonight he’s sweating Pat Poels and Ryan Hughes, who are both at two different WCOOP final tables on PokerStars.

Poels is chip leader with seven left in 2-7 Triple Draw, and Hughes is sitting solid in Pot Limit Omaha (6-max). Both are playing for big five-figure payouts … actually Poels Hughes is already there.

Meanwhile, I’m deciding whether or not to drive home … or to Arizona.

UPDATE: Poels — pstarfish – finished 2nd (out of 649) to win $18,821. Hughes — elycash41 – finished 3rd (out of 1,818) to win $27,379. Nice job, Arizona! Way to represent. So wanna party like you guys.

THACKERVILLE, Okla.–Damnit, where’s my head? I guess I went on tilt when I folded away a $700 pot. I had K-J (with a jack as the top card on a no-straight, no-flush board) and folded to an all-in from Mr. iPod Hoodie Happy Feet. He showed me Q-J.

Tight is wrong! That or I shoulda thought longer to keep him on the hand I put him on on the flop.

Two questionable all-ins later (one of which fell victim to a three outer) I find myself down about $500 and some change. Have already put a call in to Goldfarb to talk me through this mini-meltdown.

LAS VEGAS–Funny how being in Las Vegas has put me so out of touch with all the poker news. I think there are some big tournaments going on, online poker execs in the courts, business deals shaking down, but I’ve got little to report other than poker being played. Still, it’s been kinda interesting to see who you run into at the tables around this town:

The first notable I ran into was OREL HERSHEISER, who apparently just moved here to Las Vegas and sat to my left in a 1/2 NLH game at RED ROCK — fresh after being denied selection into the baseball HALL OF FAME. I tried to play the not-knowing-who-he-is thing — “You lost a vote? Were you running for city council or congress or something?” — but he would end up busting me out when I tried to run a little STOP-N-GO. As I pushed all-in, he asked, “How much money do you have?”

“Um, I’m all-in. About $140 more,” I said, pointing to my stacks.

“No, I mean other money. Because we can make a little side-bet away from the table,” he said, upon showing me THE NUTS.

Red Rock seems to be the OFF-STRIP place to be. On my second post-WSOP outing there, I ran into GARY THOMPSON — World Series of Poker media master and tournament overlord. He was wearing comfortable jeans, loafers, and a button-down shirt while playing 2/5 NLH. With about $800 in front of him, he said he was “down a couple hundred.” But it wouldn’t take long for him to grow his stacks, and a few hours later, he had moved up to the 5/10 game and had what looked to be about $2k.

On that same day, I saw A GUY I BUSTED at the Rio. He was a good player who went with the whole BLACK HOODIE and SUNGLASSES kinda thing, while saying almost nothing and acting with stoic (but angry) CHRIS FERGUSON-like motions. He was playing 1/2 NLH and nursing about $200.

Over at THE VENETIAN in the 2/5 game, I found myself up against a WSOP Dealer — SHAI the ISRAELI GUY. He was sick when I pushed all-in and convinced him to fold his top-pair-top-kicker that would turn into TOP BOAT … only to see the guy who took down the pot from me win with KING-HIGH. A couple hours later I was playing a goofy hand with K-6 offsuit in late position, the flop came K-7-K … he checks, I bet, he raises big, I call. Turn is a 6, he pushes all-in, I call … at which point he shows his POCKET 7s. The table cheers for a FOURTH SEVEN, but it doesn’t come and I send him to the ATM.

One table over, KARINA JETT’S MOTHER was playing — beyond her typical quiet game, she was practically falling asleep at the table (at 3 AM) while nursing about $400. She may not remember this, but she won a $15 PROP BET from me once over a RULES DISPUTE. (My bad … I thought I knew stuff.)

Back at RED ROCK a couple days later, I ran into ABRAHAM, and he really deserves his own post, because he tilted the table unlike anything I had ever seen — and even managed to invoke mockery from a cute young girl who wasn’t playing. Basically imagine the worst personality and poker characteristics of ME, TIM ROGERS and EON MARSHALL all wrapped up into an obnoxious kid who graduated from high school in 2003 and is well aware that he looks like STU UNGAR. Then give him a lot of chips. (His behavior and play was so table-altering it had me interrupting TOM SCHNEIDER’S vacation in ST. THOMAS for some emergency coaching … who advised me well until I played back without paying attention to a guy to my left who had pocket kings.)

I really wanted to KILL THIS KID, or at least make him cry. And so did everyone else — especially the old (presumably) gay man who he busted by calling a $260 raise pre-flop with 2-3 suited only to flop two threes. But he can’t be all that bad, because without provoking from me, he at one point shouted, “THE HAMMER!” with glee. Hey kid, if you are reading this, what I told you at the table after you “bluffed” me with pocket-5s and then taunted (it took me a good five minutes to lay down Ace-high) still applies: “I look forward to seeing you get your education.” Punk-ass. Like seriously, you had at least two of us at the table contemplating how one might go about rolling you in the parking lot.

One of the cool things about Red Rock is that when you need to shake off a bad beat or just step away from a dipshit the table to refocus, you can go BOWL A GAME 24 hours a day — for $3 +$3.50 for shoes. That seems like positive EV.

The picture above is from a day I didn’t actually play poker … but I did walk through the poker room just for funsies after bowling, and whom should I run into but NOLAN DALLA, longtime Dallas poker expat and WSOP media guru, legendary sports handicapper, and Stu Ungar biographer. He was wearing CARGO SHORTS, a frumpled shirt, and seemed pleasantly drinky while playing 5/10 NLH with a couple old friends from POKERSTARS.

“I’m stuck $800 but having a great time!” he screamed upon embracing me with a BEAR HUG. “Isn’t this a great casino!?! Hey everybody, it’s Dan from Pokerati!”

Murmur?

“Oh, right …” Nolan said. “Didn’t mean to blow your cover.”

I also ran into STEVE HALL one night at Red Rock, too. He was playing PENNY VIDEO SLOTS. He had a big hit of some sort of crazy picture combinations that won him about $60.

And then to top it all off, I went to CAESAR’S PALACE with DON JONES (of Rounder Club fame), LEIGH & BRIAN from the Poker Atlas , DOCTOR STEVE, and former Absolute Poker marketing chick JEN TIDWELL to play in their 50-player-max $65 tourney. We all had 10 percent of each other, which proved irrelevant as our top player would bubble.

I was the first to bust out (of the tournament) and would take a seat playing some 2/5. Of all the poker tables in Las Vegas … what are the chances that DAN BALLENGER (aka HONG KONG SUE, father of SON OF SUE) would get seated at my table? It would take more than a full orbit before he realized he was sitting with a fellow BATFACE. He bought in for $500 and cashed out a couple hours later for a little less than that. HKS got most of those chips from me … calling a $100 bluff with second-pair-no-kicker (what was I THINKING!?!) … and then bluffing me out of a $400+ pot on the river, getting me to lay down aces. He mucked at the time, but told me as he left that he pushed all-in for his remaining $135 with an underpair. Wish I hadn’t asked, because it had me semi-tilting for a good 30 minutes or more. I know he was just trying to be nice, but still …

Then JASON from JACKIE’S (in Dallas) and “RICKY ZILEM” showed up. They were just walking through checking out the action. Fancy running into these guys here. Chris/Ricky, said, “I did what nobody does when they first land in Vegas and took a nap.”

Ah, indeed.

Small world. Good times.

LAS VEGAS–Just looking at a little more thorough analysis of all my gambly activity over the past two months — including what went down before I began formal experimentation — and it’s pretty interesting, if not accurate. The numbers below represent a total of 144 hours with something at stake … spread across 56 various sessions. Still not exactly adequate sample sizes — but the numbers do give me an idea about the tables where I may or may not want to be spending my time:

Total Amount Won or Lost / hours played

2/5 NLH +$5,819 / 74.5
NLH Tourneys +$1,550 / 15
1 to 1000 +$190 / na
1/3 NLH +$134 / 8.5
4/8 OHL +$108 / 3
Lime Tossing +$80 / 0.5
——————————————
Bowling -$10 / 2
Video Poker -$190 / 2.5
Paigow -$220 / 0.5
1/2 NLH -$1,481 / 24
Blackjack -$2,169 / 13

Hourly Rate*

Lime Tossing: $160
NLH Tourneys: $103.67
2/5 NLH: $78.10
4/8 OHL: $36
1/3 NLH: $15.76
——————————————
Bowling: -$5
1/2 NLH: -$61.71
Video Poker: -$76
Blackjack: -$166.85
Paigow: -$440

*hourly rate not calculated for 1-to-1000, because everyone’s gotta eat/drink

Some other interesting related stats … based on 13 sessions, a typical 2/5 sitting nets me $448 … while 1/2, based on eight sessions, costs me about $185 each time I play. (I suspect most Dallas players can confirm this is in line with my their expectations every time I show up at a game.)

Blackjack … wow, might I actually remove this long-beloved pastime from my arsenal, considering I lose roughly $217 every time I get the itch to double down?

Clearly the moral of this story is that I need to be tossing more limes.

LAS VEGAS–So as hinted at before, I can’t seem to leave Las Vegas. Something about this place … would like to think it’s the phalanx of hotties around every corner — none of whom seem to have rings on their fingers — but it might just be the 24-hour nature of this city. At any hour of the day night I can find a cheeseburger, a double cappuccino, a bowling alley, and/or a poker game. Really, what else do you need?

(I just really miss my bitch. And sadly she can’t read Pokerati to know how much I do.)

Anyhow, one of the things that had me thinkin’ was indeed the poker. Perhaps a bit to my surprise, I’ve done really well out here at the tables. Like cards have been a source of revenue, not a drain. Kinda new to me. Now don’t get me wrong, I have no delusions about becoming a pro. But the notion of generating a quantifiable chunk of extra income by playing Texas Hold’em has had me taking my poker play relatively seriously while out here … and thus, at the encouragement of TBR and Donkey Bomber, I decided to put $4,000 at risk to conduct a controlled not-so-scientific poker experiment in an attempt to shed some light on how I might hack it as a $2/$5 player and begin calculating a conceivable hourly wage. Though TBR tells me not to be too results-oriented, here are the results:

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My run at the WSOP main event ended six hours after it began when my short stack was put at risk while I held JJ vs. my opponent’s AQ. For the second year in a row, the player seated directly to my right gave me the confident elbow and whispered that they had mucked an ace, just as the card that sent me to the rail came whistling off the deck.

On a positive note: I played six hours of fantastic poker. I made big plays, small bluffs, and one giant laydown that saved half of my once healthy stack. I am very much a decision oriented poker player…I know that if I continue to make correct decisions at the poker table, the results will follow over the long run.

LAS VEGAS–Text to Tom (who has been a gracious sounding board this WSOP on matters of game selection, bankroll management, and getting to know that leavin’ feelin’) late last night:

5:11 am — I am good at poker, bad at drinky blackjack. In for 800, cashed out for 2800.

This came after attending Z-Fest 2007 – a 4th of July barbecue hosted by the Lederer family at Steve Zolotow’s house. It also happened to be the site of the “World Series of Karaoke,” which meant getting to see Joe Reitman dance and scream while exposing/shaking/rubbing his belly, and a shitfaced Mike Matusow parading around like a drunken 7-year-old boy with balloons. Good fun. You gotta love a party that celebrates America’s birthday with great Middle Eastern food and an open bar.

From there, I was supposed to meet up with some Dallas friends to chase a few skirts engage in frotteurism at Carnaval Court. But while waiting around I played a little tiny-stakes outdoor blackjack and somehow managed to lose $497 in less than an hour. Dammit! So I went to make it back playing poker across the street at Caesar’s …

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LAS VEGAS–Good morning. I’m just getting ready to go to bed. The sun’s been up for just a few hours, and it’s already over 100 degrees. But inside the Rio … about negative 64. So friggin’ cold, especially in the cash-games area, from whence I just came. They cool down the Amazon Room and surrounding hallways overnight in preparation for the onslaught of warm poker bodies that arrive each day a little before noon … and/or to sell more WSOP sweatshirts.

Anyhow, late last night, Pauly was up bouncing around the Amazon Room in his off-time and Otis had just re-arrived back in town. I had work to do, of course, but the three of us had yet to find time to geek out all pokerbloggy since arriving at the 2007 WSOP, so it was time to make time … and off to the Hooker bar we went. Inspiring and refreshing, to say the least, as we traded poker-blog war stories, tales of SEO, and reminisces about the “good ole days” of 2006.

We must have been appearing to have too much fun, because a few drinks into it all, we were joined by a traveling WSOP circuit dealer, Brian “the Rookie” Wilson, Otis’ friend Mark, and Jim McManus, who was a little down on his game.

“I make way more from writing these days than I do playing poker, that’s for sure,” he said. Funny how just a year ago this exact same sentence might have a completely different meaning.

As the night whittled on, Pauly left us to go whip up a poignant recap of yesterday’s crazy yet meaningful action, as Otis, Mark and I returned to the Amazon Room to play poker. You can always count on a few drunks to sit down at the dwindling WSOP cash tables at about 4 in the morning to keep the chips flying, and last night that was us. Not surprisingly, the three of us would rebuy several times playing $2/$5 NLH, and within a couple hours, collectively we were stuck nearly $2,500, at which point I switched to coffee.

Linda the Dallas dealer had my table for a while — it was great to see her for the first time of the Series. “Just like back home,” she said, smirking as she shipped a pot I lost to the other end of the table.

Mark would end up busting out for a final time, while Otis and I stuck around to grind our way back towards even. I was getting there, too, until I flopped an open-ended straight draw and a flush draw. The turn gave me the nut straight and a straight-flush draw. I was bummed when my opponent and I couldn’t get it all-in at that point, but I guess I was lucky, because while I caught my flush on the river, the other guy caught quads, and I was not in a position to raise his bet. Don’t even get me started about the possible collusion we witnessed between a plump American black lady and a skinny British white guy who were playing together unbeknown to the rest of us, until they cashed out together and gave each other a hug and a kiss at the cage.

I was heavily involved in their last hand. The British guy and I had built a pot to more than $600 when I missed my 17 gajillion outs on the river. He put me all-in for my last $72, and though mathematically I was supposed to call, I couldn’t bring myself to do it with just third pair, knowing if I lost, I was definitely not going to rebuy again. (Because I had no more 100s on me.) The black lady seated to my right belligerently encouraged me to call, and then called clock on me. I eventually mucked, and was pleased when the skinny white dude mucked his cards, presumably telling me that I made the correct play.

That’s when they both cashed out in celebration. And then as he exited the room, the not-so-chappy Brit came up behind me and whispered, “You couldn’t beat pocket 6s?” What an asshole, because yes, I could. So what, he’s trying to put me on tilt even after he has left the table with my money?

I did my best to remain unfazed, and sure enough I began to climb back out of the hole. As the wee hours became morning and almost tournament time, Otis and I were at adjacent tables motioning to each other where we stood in terms of getting unstuck. I was in for $700, he was in for $1,200. And both of us were playing our asses off more sober than before. With my fancy little bankroll graph in the back of my mind, I finally took control of my short-handed, reduced-rake table — with a solid read on the Euro to my right and ability to bluff the gay cowboy to my left with ease. Perhaps the only mistake I made here was getting up from a table I could beat, but it was so late, so early … I was exhausted, and for the first time in more than five hours, I was up.

Buy-in(s): $700 (3)
Cash out: $979
Net: +$279

LOS ANGELES–I just got back from The Bike … my first venture into a California poker room. Played some Little-Big Game … $2/$3 NLH…

Buy-in: $100
Cash out: $965

Tore that shee-it up! But I had to leave because it was no-limit after all, meaning it was only a matter of time before I might give a hefty portion back. And, I wanted to play in the $300 Stars & Stripes LIVE tourney. (Scroll down for coverage of yours truly.) There were 177 people competing for a first-place payout of about $20k. I finished 41st — 23 shy of the money, but not too bad, considering my tournament play has been shee-it in a bad way for the past couple years. Besides, with my near-bubble performance, I was just emulating Tom.

So anyhow, yes, The Bike. I found it quite pleasing — and I haven’t even begun to tell you about the food. Sadly, I will not be returning to The Bike on this trip … because while I was fighting to stay ahead of the blinds, Gonz (who was presumably on tilt from a bad-beat jackpot hand that got counterfeited on the river) was picking a fight with a member of the floor staff and eventually getting ejected from the casino. Good times!

I’ve been much better about keeping track of my bankroll this year, thanks to Pokercharts.com — even though, thus far, it hasn’t been a winning year. Kinda interesting.

Just tonight/last night … I had a pretty good session (ended up +$485 in $.50/$1 NLH) … though half of that came from the last hand of the night, where Fawcett flopped a mini-monster … which he played a little weakly trying to trap me … which fueled my bluff-draw, and in the end let me hit the nuts with a gutshot. Cool. Even cooler was getting Fawcett to push all-in once I got there. Anyhow … have a looksie at my current bankroll graph:

Read into it whatever you want. And while these are important figures for me to keep track of, here’s what I think is the more telling graph:

Either you know something or you don’t — there is no in-between when it comes to knowing. And I think this map of my average earnings per session reveals something I hadn’t come to hard-and-provable grips with … and that is that I am pretty much just a break-even player. Semi-bitter pill to swallow, but hey, there’s no room in winning poker for delusions. Here is some other relevant computer-generated analysis of my 2007 play, as logged by Pokercharts. Kinda funny:

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LAS VEGAS–Let’s be honest, I haven’t done shit tournament-wise throughout the entirety of 2006 … can’t remember the last time I cashed, and like seriously, what-da-fug’s a final table? And yet, somehow, the $300+40 “main event” of the Ultimate Poker Challenge at Binion’s on Sunday (not to be confused with Saturday’s $600+60 UPC Main Event, which was down to its final table of seven on the nearby TV stage) was my first tournament with a backer. CardPlayer wasn’t there to cover any of it, nor were any bloggers. But plenty of cowboys in town for the National Finals Rodeo were milling about. I noticed only one recognizable pro, and maybe two guys I think I’ve seen in Dallas before or maybe somewhere else and one player who apparently knew me, but anyhow, for multiple reasons I really wanted to do well. Here’s how it all shook down that gloriously brisk poker day, as relayed via the magic of digital telegram:

Dan M (12/10/06 3:15 pm): Ready to roll!

Como (12/10/06 3:27 pm): Sweet keep me updated!

Dan M (12/10/06 3:30 pm): Skinny asian kId Just mistook me 4 Carlos morteNson. Told him No Autographs right now.
[ed. note: not completely true]

Como (12/10/06 3:34 pm): Lol that’s worth the entry fee, its a freeroll now!

Jen (12/10/06 3:56 pm): Play well and good luck. luv u

Dan M (12/10/06 5:35 pm): Slightly below average at break. Shawo rice is only pro i have seen. [sic.]

Como (12/10/06 5:38 pm): Cool keep it up!

Dan M (12/10/06 6:56 pm): Slightly above average stack. 80 left. Level 6. Best hands have been 44 Aq aq ak.
[correction: 67 were left at this point]

Como (12/10/06 6:57 pm): Sweet how many pay?
[ed. note: 10 -- about $10k for 1st, $500 for 10th]

TBR (12/10/06 7:23 pm): How many started?

Dan M (12/10/06 7:26 pm): 96 Started. 60 left. I have 3/4 avg. Stack. Damn hammer.

Dan M (12/10/06 8:16 pm): Super cold deck. Then a j. flop a j. tt calls. t on turn=super short stack.

Como (12/10/06 8:18 pm): Yuck! Keep grinding !

Dan M (12/10/06 8:21 pm): M=4. Push 89s. called by AK. 35Th ish place. Sorry Como. You suck at Picking horses.

Como (12/10/06 8:25 pm): Na sounds like you played good all you can do. plus its pretty cool someone thought you were carlos but you should have signed an autograph that would have been

LAKE TAHOE, NV–Am off to eat and drink with a bunch of dealers. So much I forgot to tell you all about. Be sure to check out PokerBlog to read my live-blogging of the 60 Minutes episode and the end of the WSOP Circuit main event. Maybe later I can tell you about my glorious $2/$3 action (with mixed results), my 15 minutes of blackjack, my great-then-terrible tournament play.

Oh, and I “hired” Gonz and have a new life. I hope the government doesn’t ruin it. More later.

So I decided to kick it old school last night. I went to “JR’s” for a cash game. Things had changed in the many months since I had played there — the game is no longer 1/2/5 … it’s back to 1/2 again. But with lots of straddling and re-straddling. More than half the faces at the table were the same, as if they hadn’t left for the better part of a year.

I bought in for $200, and on my very first hand, I got the hammer. Sweet! I made a small raise and got a couple callers. I flopped 2nd pair and bet it out … and got a caller. (Dude was likely on a flush draw, so I probably didn’t want to see a 4th heart.) A third seven came out on the turn, and life was looking really good. Awesome. Check-check. The fourth heart did come on the river, giving me a 2-high flush. My opponent in the hand came out betting $50 … and bummer, I had to fold. But yea, I got to do it face-up.

But that didn’t do much for me. Why? Because the other guy had flopped a straight-flush — good enough for a high hand jackpot, and good enough to beat me. Everyone was looking at his cards … and I got no credit for playing shit. I mean yeesh … the hand still worked out OK, because I didn’t lose much. But I could’ve just as well had aces in this case, and it woulda been the same. Damn.

From there I proceeded to play pretty good poker. But the killer came when it was getting very pre-flop raisy, and I decided I was going to spend some money to see a flop with 7-10 offsuit in late position. Somebody made it $25 to go, and I called. So did three others. So with $125 already in the pot, I was pretty delighted to see a flop of 7-8-10 (two diamonds). I had to be afraid of a set, but it was clear the first to act (the same guy who had flopped the straight-flush against me) had nothing when he checked. Next in line was Nic the Straddler … who was very talky talky as he checked. OK, he wouldn’t have checked a set, so after some fake consternation, I moved all-in (for $280) … sure to use the exact same gestures I used when getting caught bluffing about an hour earlier.

First guy folded, and Nic sized up our stacks, and relatively quickly called, saying, “I’ve got the nuts.” Indeed he did. J-9 offsuit. Crap.

Being the nice guy he is, he offered to run it twice, but I declined … thinking if I’m gonna get lucky and win it, I’m gonna get lucky and win it. No way I could do that twice, so why gamble for a split? (I’m not sure, but I think this is the right non-double-play play. Any thoughts on the matter?)

Anyhow, I got no help and went home.

Just like old times.

Buy-in(s): $400 (2)
Cash out: $0
Net: -$400

Highlight: Friendly Asians.

This has little to do with poker or the WSOP, but surely some players and/or other pokery people were affected by it … late last night a man climbed to the top of the backdrop of the MGM lion (using restoration scaffolding) and threatened to jump. He was probably 50 feet up … hardly high enough to assure death, but guaranteed to painfully break many bones.

Not sure if it had to do with a gambling loss or problems with a girlfriend (perhaps a combination of both?), but a lady was seen crying and screaming up to him from the sidewalk outside the Tropicana before being ushered away by police. At the same time, they began backing up crowds shouting, “Jump!” (Is it even funny that the loudest screams were coming from people outside New York, New York?)

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LAS VEGAS–Three weeks or so ago, I found myself going bust in a $2/$5 NL game at the WSOP, and it all hinged on a single hand. I had called a small raise with 8-9s and the flop came 9-9-10. As the hand progressed, I began duking it out with the big stack at the table … and ultimately, even after putting more than $250 in the pot, I woulda/coulda/shoulda been able to get away — thereby saving $320 in my stack. (And leaving me $20 up for the session.) I did not do that, however, and sure enough … he had flopped a boat with 9-10s. Of course he did.

A “very good” player knows how to flop trips and get away from them.

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LAS VEGAS–Playing good poker is so friggin’ hard. This time the subject of my ire was a totally affable a-hole who happened to be the big stacks. I was playing so well today. And that meant laying down big hands, effectively value-betting others. For all the good cards I was getting, action was hard to come by, because there were so many other small stacks on the table, and the big stack was obviously good enough to recognize my abilities and steer clear of them. Plus he was distracted by all the Vegas hotties walking by our table en route to one of the MGM’s clubs, and he didn’t want to miss an opportunity to catcall.

So I was patient and patient, and said little as he kept making “-ish” jokes every other hand. (Dude, as if that wasn’t so my schtick in 2005ish.) Then, with a stack of about $360 (on a single buy-in of $200), I finally got my opportunity. The big stack had just gotten significantly bigger a few hands earlier and was playing looser and trying to push people around. I had pocket kings in early position in a straddled pot. The big-stack had straddled, then his buddy min-raised his straddle, and the guy to my right called. I bumped it to $25 … with a certain bravado that screamed “strong means weak!” Five callers, which was fine by me … though I woulda liked a re-raise there, I now faced some pretty easy decisions based on the texture of the flop.

6-4-3 rainbow.

I liked.

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LAS VEGAS–So after starting off my trip pretty well, I hit the skids big-time. I also finally tried my hand at blackjack. (Not good.) So to prevent myself from spending six weeks out at the WSOP working for “free,” I did what a handful of down-on-their-luck pros have to do … dropped my stakes and reverted to straight-forward poker.

Even at the MGM’s $1/$2 NL it wasn’t looking good. Lost a chunk of my first stack when double scare cards came on the turn and river. I’m pretty sure the dude had nothing, but I couldn’t call. (I had flopped top pair with QJs, and two aces came. My opponent was Asian.) Then a couple hands later, I went bust with pocket queens … I was way ahead when the money went in, but way behind on the turn, and even more behind by the river.

But it was interesting … because playing “lower” stakes made that sort of happenstance far less bothersome. I simply rebought, and played my game. Or I should say Gonz’s game, because I actually folded trouble hands pre-flop. My second (and pre-decided last) buy-in got down to like $55 … but at $1/$2, I was able to wait and wait until I found pocket kings. From there, the poker was easy.

Buy-in(s): $360 (2)
Cash out: $655
Net: +$295

Highlight: realizing that I was clearly better than half the table, at least two of whom had no clue how much dead money they really were. “We’re just trading chips back and forth really … hey, you got a lot of them now … hey, where you going?”

LAS VEGAS–I just took my worst beat of the WSOP. I won’t even bother to recount it, because the bad beat stories — while not as ubiquitous as last year when you could smoke in the halls here — are really more bad people stories, generally by the folks telling them.

But I will say this … I guess I can accept his calling my small raise pre-flop with those shit cards in the big blind. I even understand his check-reraise, thinking I was bluffing. But calling another couple hundred on my re-reraise?

I stood up from the $2/$5 NL table literally wanting to walk up to the guy — who was previously a solid player before going on tilt about an orbit-and-a-half earlier — and punch him hard and square in the side of the head. Yeah, that would make me feel better! And everyone at the table would know he had it coming. But alas, I’ve got other good stuff in life going on, so violence is probably not the answer. Still, I wanna. Mix in a slow-roll and you can understand why I would shrug my shoulders if major harm came this human’s way in the near future.

Terry K was at the table. Perhaps he can fill you in on the details.

Buy-in(s): $600 (2)
Cash out: $0
Net: -$600

Lessons: Maybe it doesn’t work so well to play silly with your first buy-in, knowing you’ll get the calls you need with your second buy-in and beyond. Might need to rethink that strategy … as it seems to invite these sorts of bad beats. That, or violence is the answer.

LAS VEGAS–A few people have asked how my own poker is going here at the WSOP. All I can say with certainty is that I’ve misplayed a lot of hands. Having been here less than a week, I’ve played eight sessions:

Red Rock - 1/2 NL
Buy-in(s): $420 (3)
Cash out: $421
Synopsis: When down all night, you rock if you can get away anywhere near even.

Rio - second chance tourney (reg. req.)
B: $225
C: $0
S: Bad chip selection proves costly. Out in level 3.

Rio - single-table satellite
B: $125
C: $0
S: 5th place. Shaking off the rust.

Rio - 2/5 NL
B: $600 (2)
C: $1,473
S: I am smart. S-M-R-T.

Rio - single-table satellite
B: $125
C: $0
S: 3rd place. Old Texas cowboy threatens to beat the crap out of hyper-talky obnoxious guy with his cane. One bad call in the end, but I think I’m getting the hang of it.

Rio - single-table satellite
B: $175
C: $500
S: 2nd place chop. I become dominant chip leader by flopping quads early and playing the 27o with power late. “That’s how you play the hammer!” I shout. But then I get totally outplayed heads-up, and bust out re-raising all-in with the hammer vs. pocket 3s. Oops. (Cursing of all bloggers ensues.)

Rio - single-table satellite
B: $175
C: $0
S: One very bad play early — trying to get clever with 7-8o — leaves me unable to recuperate.

Rio - 2/5 NL
B: $600 (2)
C: $968
S: Very roller-coastery. Get below average cards and play them slightly below average (failing to capitalize on two monsters).

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Dan’s WSOP Net: +$917

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LAS VEGAS–So pretty much everything at the WSOP this year is an improvement. Except for the media rules … and the cash game board. Last year, if you recall, they used a fancy computer system which seemed plenty easy to read, and now is pretty much standard at all Vegas poker rooms. Yet, for whatever reason, this year they have gone back to a handwritten white board.

Another difference at the cash tables … this year the dealers can play. They have to be off-duty and out of uniform of course — they’re not even allowed to wear white shirts. But they can play at the Rio.

I learned all this while sitting down for some $2/$5 NLHE action. Played kinda well, but made two costly mistakes: 1) failing to bet the nut flush in early position (the other guy had a jack-high flush, and the player behind him had a straight — easily coulda gotten paid off by both of them with a value bet into an already very large pot), and 2) calling an overbet on the river with 4th pair. Still, not too shabby …

Buy-in(s): $600 (2)
Cash out: $1,473
Net: +$873

Highlight: Almost re-raising one of the CardPlayer kids with two overcards … only to think better of it and muck, whereupon he revealed his flopped quads.

LAS VEGAS–Was killing some time here, er … doing investigative reporting on the Second Chance tourney system. These are great events in terms of payout, but tough because you start with only 1,000 chips. My very first hand was KK. They worked out OK for me. My next hand didn’t go so well … On the turn I meant to make a feeler-stealer bet of 200 … but I accidentally threw in a purple and black … 600. Oops. I had to call the re-raise all-in for 125 more, right? But still, terrible terrible physical chip handling.

The next hand I would get pocket 2s. (Limp-folded.) And then two hands later I’d get pocket 9s … would take down a small pot. And then two hands after that I was looking at — and eventually had to let go of — pocket jacks.

Four pocket pairs in the first orbit. Left me with about 2/3 of my a starting stack.

Hung in there barely playing for a few more orbits, and moved in for 500 chips with A-10. It was a really smart place to make the move — blinds at 25/50, and two limpers in front of me — but then I lost the psychology game when a reasonably stacked and pleasant enough loudmouth (think JJ Evans from Good Times) asked me, “How much you likez yo hand?”

In retrospect I know what I shoulda done (do you?) … but instead I answered with, “I like it enough to go all-in.” That told him all he needed to know, and he called with AJ.

Overall, I got pretty good cards … played them about dead average … Made some clearly fine plays (and laydowns) and a few very obvious mistakes … the results of which have me here … typing to you, instead of still shuffling chips.

Buy-in: $200+25
Cash out: $0
Net: -$225

LAS VEGAS–Door-to-door the trip took 24 hours. That includes a nap in New Mexico, a snail’s crawl across the Hoover Dam, and briefly getting lost in Summerlin. By the time I showed up at Rounder Club West (home to Dr. Steve and The Don, oft-frequented by one or more Dulys, and where I’ll be staying my first two weeks in Vegas) I was tired and stinky … and itchin’ to play. After exchanging some pleasantries and getting my internet hooked up, I eventually made way to the new Red Rock Casino, where I sat down for some $1/$2 NL action.

Nice place. Comfy poker room — 20 tables … and let me just say, I bet Doyle Brunson, even two or three years ago, never coulda imagined a day where low-stakes players would be crowding around tables with marble racetracks. Anyhow, on the first hand I get pocket 5s in late position. I limp, no-set no-bet, and eventually I have to fold. Two hands later I get them again. This time I raise, get a couple callers … the flop = check, check, check … I bet on the turn and take it down. Cool. Straight-forward poker, pretty much, until I get them for the third time.

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