by , Jan 18, 2007 | 7:35 am

The “wintery mix” is starting to melt here won’t seem to go away in Dallas … it’s cold as all get-out.

Some of the Aces-raid cases in Dallas were supposed to GO TO COURT yesterday. But according to one Pokeratizen defendant, court was canceled:

I made it to court today about an hour early of my 8:30 timeslot only to be turned away at the door. If I can make it through the ice, why can’t the judges?

You know where they love to play Hold’em? In IRAQ. Makes sense … since, you know, that’s where the poker boom started and all:

(It’s over now, right? Ace of spades is dead.) OK, so holy big friggin’ poker news week …

First off, ERICK LINDGREN defeats ERIC SEIDEL in the $100,000 buy-in event at the AUSSIE MILLIONS. As the (smaller) main event carries on, Pauly’s got the play-by-play coverage over at PokerNews. And the color commentary onTao.

You can also find him now on YouTube:

(The good shit kicks in about halfway through.)

NETELLER has officially pulled out of the United States. The arrested founders had to cough up $5 million to get out of jail.

BILL RINI has some quality insight from GIBRALTAR.

Meanwhile, a FEDERAL COURT in ST. LOUIS will decide the fate of DAVID CARRUTHERS, as the case against the former CEO of gets underway.

As his trial progresses, INTERPOL is on a fugitive hunt for GARY KAPLAN, founder of BetonSports, and two others.

It’s OFFICIAL — Poker is a game of skill and luck. (Is there any game that isn’t?). So says a British court, finding Gutshot proprietor DEREK KELLY guilty of running an illegal gambling establishment. This case will likely have a significant impact on London’s 26 poker clubs, and possibly POKERSTARS.

PHILADELPHIA is getting ready to build some casinos. And now the losing side in that fight is still fighting. (Sounds kinda like poker people with the UIGEA, only opposite.)

Meanwhile, in NEW MEXICO, the market for hiring poker dealers is surging.

There are no MORAL ISSUES in poker. It’s all about who gets a piece of the pie, which is probably why the DOCTORS in GREAT BRITAIN would like £10 million a year. (Fine, let them have it … as “responsible gambling” will be all the buzz in 2007. Bet on it.)

These doctors, of course, stand to benefit from a recent study saying that ONLINE BETTING costs English businesses £300 million a year.

American legislators met this past week in KEY WEST to discuss how the heck they are going to enforce the Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act.

Immediately following passage into law of a measure that would require banks to monitor all online gambling transactions made via electronic checks and credit cards, the smaller banks spoke out vehemently that the costs to do this would be astronomical. The larger banks agreed there was no such means to monitor such transactions in place currently and nothing would likely be in place within the 270 day window allotted by legislators.

The above story also reports that NEW YORK STATE is looking to pass specific legislation to ban online gambling. As mentioned before, these battles have less and less to do about poker, and more about REGULATION of the entire internet.

Note to poker bloggers: it might behoove us to prepare to pull out all our little BLOGGY TRICKS to spread the word to our good friends and cousins in non-poker domains.

Seriously, internet legislation may well constitute the most significant issues of our coming time, as the laws being created over the next decade will have a historical impact on how humans liver their lives on Earth in the future. TURKEY has just approved formation of its INTERNET POLICE FORCE, where they’ll start things off by going after poker and porn. Oh, and Kurds:

… logging onto Kurdish websites “such as,, or undertaking a Wikipedia search for “Kurdistan” all generate the following message: “Bu Sayfa Yasak Siteler Listesinde Kayitli ve Bloklandi.” Translation: “This site is listed as forbidden and has been blocked.”

The PHILIPPINES is also cracking down. (On poker, not Kurds.)

And I can’t begin to fathom where SECOND LIFE fits in. But gambling for SEMI-REAL MONEY is alive and well in this virtual world. (via WarCry Network.) These non-poker gamers recognize that government may soon be setting up its own myspace SL domain. Funny, but plausible.

(After all, more than $1 million real American dollars have been spent there in the last 24 hours.)

Here’s even more on the realities of online gambling in a PARALLEL UNIVERSE. Spooky.

And second-to-last but not least … three thugz (who just so happen to be ASIAN) got busted for using HOLE-CARD-SLEEVES to bilk a LONDON game of “three card poker” for $500k. Authorities not aware that this game is not “real” poker … nor should they be, really.

JENNY WOO. Awesome.

One Comment to “Instapoker”

  1. Bob

    Wonder what’s gonna happen now that Sarah Dodd is Mrs. Chief Kunkle?

    Will she give up her scandalous poker ways? ;-P