The American Gaming Association put out a new video in support of making online poker legal (now!). Though plenty corny, it’s possibly the slickest representation of all the talking points certain poker people have been refining and pushing for the past several years — and yet it’s kinda dumbed down enough for legislators to see the probablility of looking kinda stupid (and un-Tea Partyish if they’re Republican) should they ignore this 2011 opportunity to re-Americanize online poker.

(I think I recognize that woman’s voice from some political attack ad in 2010 … or maybe it was ’08?)

LOL on the “SEIZED” sites — ShadyPoker.com represented by cards with stars on them and ShadierPoker.com with a red triangle. Guess they didn’t want to overreach by indicting the Shady dot-nets? The AGA also opened up a new section on their website — their Online Poker Headquarters.

OK, OK, I get the message … it’s gonna be about poker only, not poker+ casino games … And should it not be clear enough to anyone entertaining the idea of holding a US license that certain old-school online poker ways ain’t gonna fly in a regulated US future, the AGA has also issued a new code of conduct to establish who should and should not become card-carrying licensees:

More…

Back at the beginning of the WSOP, I called the male species out for their sometimes disgusting/rude behavior. And it’s been a long time coming, but I’m finally ready to call out the females. I know it’s near the end of the WSOP, but there are things that need to be said.

Ladies (I use that term loosely in some cases), let me first thank most of you for not spitting in public or blowing your noses over the trash cans. I’m happy not to have to go there with you. Also, thank you to most of you for being classy and polite.

Then there are the exceptions to the rules. Speaking of rules, here are the primary ones I’ve seen broken during the WSOP.

1. Toilets
For the love of femininity, how is it that so many of you can pee all over the toilet seat? Honestly, if you feel you must hover, improve your aim or wipe the seat when you’re done. And before leaving the stall, take one moment to hit the flush button. I know it’s easy to get lazy and expect that the new-fangled toilets will automatically flush, but a double-check takes two seconds. I’ve seen things left in toilets that I couldn’t shake for days.

2. Boobs
This is a touchy subject. *giggle* The first half of the rule has to do with adjustments. Similar to the “Junk” section of the “Unofficial WSOP Men’s Guide to Not Being Disgusting/Rude,” boob adjustments done in public should be quick and easy. Anything requiring serious snapping or unsnapping of bras or adjusting with both hands under shirts should be done in private. The second half of the boob rule has to do with what’s out there for the world to see. In general, if more of the boobs are exposed than not, you’ve crossed over into exhibitionist territory. Trust me, you can show more than enough cleavage without letting it all slip out.

3. Asses
It’s pretty easy to tell where the ass cheeks end and legs begin. That little extra bit of fabric that covers the entire ass cheek is not only proper but classy. However, if you are a hooker, or even a stripper looking to advertise the business, let it all hang out. Show what you’re sellin’, baby.

That’s all I’ve noticed up to this point. Additions or notes are always welcome!

I see things. Disgusting things. I try not to, but when it’s right out in public for all the world to see, I cannot help it. Believe me, I’ve tried.

Guys, I’m not trying to be hard on you, and I know we’re at a poker tournament series, but c’mon. There are rules against the F-bomb at the poker tables, but unfortunately, there are no rules of courtesy and conduct to address the most basic tenets of human decency. I’m begging you to read the following rules and think about changing your ways.

1. Spit
Everyone doesn’t spit, but I understand there are those of you who do it. Just be aware of what you’re doing. If you have to produce a chunk of spit the size of a baseball, please try to expel it behind a building or in a bathroom. Standing over a public trash can or ash tray and letting it ooze out of your mouth is going to prompt me to gag uncontrollably. For the love of bodily functions, think about what is coming out of your mouth.

2. Junk
I don’t understand it firsthand, but I realize that you periodically must adjust your junk. Short adjustments that can be done with one hand and take less than three seconds to complete are acceptable. However, if you must use both hands, seriously move things around, or *gulp* insert a hand or two down your pants to make that adjustment, please consider going to a corner and turn toward the wall, or preferably, find a bathroom.

3. Snot
Universal problem, easy solutions. There is a wonderful invention called facial tissue, i.e. Kleenex. Acceptable substitutes include napkins, toilet paper, and paper towels. Use them. If you are at a poker table and absolutely cannot get to a bathroom, ask around for a tissue or take a few moments to consider options. Those options should not include digging deep with your fingers, then touching chips or *shiver* another person. Also, it is not socially acceptable to be stand over a trash can, hold one nostril, and blow. You are not a football player who can’t take a bathroom break during the Super Bowl. I refuse to believe that the snot is so annoying that it cannot wait for an appropriate moment to be dealt with in private.

4. Doors
Hold the door, dammit. Take one second to look behind you, and if someone – anyone – is there, hold that door. And if I hold the door for you, on behalf of all humanity, smile or say, “Thank you.” I am fully aware of the world in which I work; poker is not known for its gentlemen. But the rudeness being displayed is maddening.

I will add more to this list as necessary, but I sincerely hope I don’t have to. I’m disgusted just writing about it. Thanks in advance for heeding my advice.