Unofficial WSOP Men’s Guide to Not Being Disgusting/Rude

by , Jun 6, 2008 | 4:46 pm

I see things. Disgusting things. I try not to, but when it’s right out in public for all the world to see, I cannot help it. Believe me, I’ve tried.

Guys, I’m not trying to be hard on you, and I know we’re at a poker tournament series, but c’mon. There are rules against the F-bomb at the poker tables, but unfortunately, there are no rules of courtesy and conduct to address the most basic tenets of human decency. I’m begging you to read the following rules and think about changing your ways.

1. Spit
Everyone doesn’t spit, but I understand there are those of you who do it. Just be aware of what you’re doing. If you have to produce a chunk of spit the size of a baseball, please try to expel it behind a building or in a bathroom. Standing over a public trash can or ash tray and letting it ooze out of your mouth is going to prompt me to gag uncontrollably. For the love of bodily functions, think about what is coming out of your mouth.

2. Junk
I don’t understand it firsthand, but I realize that you periodically must adjust your junk. Short adjustments that can be done with one hand and take less than three seconds to complete are acceptable. However, if you must use both hands, seriously move things around, or *gulp* insert a hand or two down your pants to make that adjustment, please consider going to a corner and turn toward the wall, or preferably, find a bathroom.

3. Snot
Universal problem, easy solutions. There is a wonderful invention called facial tissue, i.e. Kleenex. Acceptable substitutes include napkins, toilet paper, and paper towels. Use them. If you are at a poker table and absolutely cannot get to a bathroom, ask around for a tissue or take a few moments to consider options. Those options should not include digging deep with your fingers, then touching chips or *shiver* another person. Also, it is not socially acceptable to be stand over a trash can, hold one nostril, and blow. You are not a football player who can’t take a bathroom break during the Super Bowl. I refuse to believe that the snot is so annoying that it cannot wait for an appropriate moment to be dealt with in private.

4. Doors
Hold the door, dammit. Take one second to look behind you, and if someone – anyone – is there, hold that door. And if I hold the door for you, on behalf of all humanity, smile or say, “Thank you.” I am fully aware of the world in which I work; poker is not known for its gentlemen. But the rudeness being displayed is maddening.

I will add more to this list as necessary, but I sincerely hope I don’t have to. I’m disgusted just writing about it. Thanks in advance for heeding my advice.

14 Comments to “Unofficial WSOP Men’s Guide to Not Being Disgusting/Rude”

  1. Pauly

    Re-adjusting the junk is daily activity for guys. It becomes an issue especially when sitting down for long periods of time.

  2. Mr Subliminal

    So you’re ambivalent about the guy who adjusts his junk while holding the door for someone?

  3. donkey

    What if we fart but say “excuse me”?

  4. Poker Shrink

    …and this discussion was voluntarily started by Jen. Someone check her junk.

  5. Lisa

    Oh my! I have been here about 12 hours. I was just walking in the elevator lobby with a friend and her baby when, lo and behold, a man in his swim trunks leans over the starbucks trash can and decides to spit something into the can.

    Thank g-d he chose the regular can and not the little silver hole in the center of the condiments bar.

    What a timely post.

  6. Uncle Ray

    Off the top of my shiny head I can think of 3 reasons for nthis phenomenon.

    1) Most guys are used to playing against guys and guys don’t care about beibg rude and/or crude around other guys and actually try to outdo each other.

    2) The large contingent of internet players don’t need to be polite, nice or anything on line. Being out in public is an unusual experience. Maybe they don’t KNOW how to act.

    3) Televised poker glorifies the rude and crude players. People feel it’s the easiest way to become famous. Who are among the most famous pros? Phil Hellmuth and Mike the Mouth.

    Jen, I applaud your attempt, but with the crowd you’re dealing with, isn’t it a little like going into a fraternity house and saying “Be nice, guys!”

  7. California Jen

    This is hilarious.

    No one is checking my junk, Pauly.

  8. California Jen

    Lisa, are you in Vegas? Please ask Robert where I’m sitting and come say hi!

  9. thehazyone

    What you all don’t know is that Jen breaks these rules on a daily basis before she gets to the Rio, especially the adjusting her junk part (she even pees standing up). Such a hypocrite! 🙂

  10. California Jen

    Hazy, we’re roommates, and for the love of god, stay on your side of the condo. If you spy on me, I’ll hurt you.

  11. California Jen

    Oh, just saw that the Shrink wanted my junk checked. Not happening for you either.

  12. Poker Shrink

    Methinks she doeth protest too much.

  13. Ed

    I say blame the behavior on the New Yorkers or French present.

  14. Scott Chaffin

    I never thought I’d live to see the day when little Pokerati had it’s very own Miss Poker Manners. I think this is a major step forward, and I want to thank Jen for bringing it here. I think it should be a bi-weekly posting subject, with letters from the hinterlands and general discourse on polite behaviour. It’s much needed.