Ahh, the Las Vegas paper is all over it already. Sweet!

Sorry if I’ve seemed a little non-posty since setting up shop in LV. I’ve been going to too many porn parties playing too much poker busy helping get a new web service off the ground: Thrillist Las Vegas.

Basically, Thrillist will be sending an easy-click email once a week to subscribers about some of the cooler shizznit going down in V-town … only I won’t be using phrases like “shizznit.” In the first edition, we talk about the VIP Suite at Red Rock Lanes (just in time for the PBA Tournament of Champions), the opening of a new restaurant, a more-than-beef-jerky jackpot, a fancy shoe store in the new Palazzo, and how swingers can tell when it’s time for a threesome. All very important to know, of course, whether you’re a local or a semi-regular visitor looking to indulge in ways most can’t find at home.

The premiere non-spam just showed up in subscribers’ inboxes early this AM … and their lives are presumably far better as a result. Did you get it? If not, sign up here.

WTF I’m doing in Las Vegas …

You should sign up. Like really. Because Vegas is for lovers.

One of the most poker-friendly Congresspeople (Shelley Berkley, D-NV) has come out today endorsing Hillary Clinton for President, even though the Senator doesn’t play poker. Just an FYI for those of you who care about a world beyond the rails.

Duly noted. PokerPages wants you to vote for Barack Obama, though they are pretty much saying the same thing as iGamingBusiness.com. I’m still sticking with Ron Paul (R-TX) … a guy with lots of MySpace friends who spoke out against the UIGEA and all it represents way back in the day:

UPDATE: Gambling 911 for Ron Paul.

Pokerati loves to indulge in some unscientific polling … and we have a new one up on the righthand sidebar if you haven’t already noticed. This time we are looking for “the next big thing.” When you think about it, if poker has been anything, it was the first unbridled, boom-market economy of the 21st century. That time has now passed for poker, so presumably something else will take its place.

But we’re not just looking for what will be big — I am pretty sure I was wrong when I declared darts anything close to the next poker — we’re also looking for new niches fueled by a profitable confluence of the internet, TV, hard technology, and live engagement. (Because when that happens, you can also expect a lot of laws and politics to come into play.) To this day, I don’t see why tournament fishing — particularly with the use of “hook cams” that allow you to watch fish contemplating taking the bait — hasn’t taken off. But that probably has more to do with the business behind it all than the thrilling nature of the sport itself.

Anyhow, would love to hear what you think … not just so we can mentally masturbate to the concept of a blog about whatever wins … but moreso because its always refreshing to remember what’s going on outside the poker world that isn’t war.

Interesting article out of Australia about the development of bots at the online poker tables. (via Live Action Poker.)

While this “threat” is real … the truth is bot-prejudice is already taking root in the non-poker world. Think how much you hate it when an automated voice calls you on the phone — guess what, that’s a bot, too. So how these non-human entities get regulated in poker would set some semblance of a precedent for how the non-poker world eventually has to deal with them.

Don’t ask me why, but I am looking for some assistance …

I need to know some of the coolest, neatist, must-do kinda shee-ot going down in Las Vegas right now. Or next month. Can anyone tell me?

I’m trying to figure out if you were a local, where would you direct your friends visiting from out of town? Specifically if your friends were about 25 years old and male, with good enough jobs that they could afford to blow a festive wad off the tables — whether it be at a restaurant, bar, or low-rider convention.

Thanks in advance for your help. Links, of course, appreciated.

This story on Channel 8 has nothing to do with poker … but really it does.

It’s about energy drinks (yum!), and newfound health concerns associated with them. Pokerati has long contended, as the hedline suggests above, that the boom-time business of possibly addictive, taurine-infused pharmaceuticals sold at convenience stores (to kids!) for upwards of $3 a can is just waiting for a little government intervention … because there’s simply too much money being made for the politicos to not want their cut.

What we’re not good with here at Pokerati is time. Whether that will take five months or 15 years to happen, we’re not so sure. But I do find it especially interesting that the Channel 8 story above says that last year there were more than 4 billion cans of lightly carbonated liquid meth sold … which would make the energy drink biz a $12 billion industry. Does that number ring a bell? It should … because it was the estimated value of the online poker industry shortly before the passage of the UIGEA.

You see what I’m getting at? Poker is about math. So is politics …

(And some people wonder why I don’t sleep.)

Supposedly Al Qaeda is planning an attack on November 11 — the target being websites that are not-so-Islamic in their values. Considering that the poker boom coincided with the release of the Iraqi’s Most Wanted deck of playing cards, might they have their electronic guns pointed our way?

Pokerati was attacked this weekend — shut us down for a few hours — but we have not been able to confirm whether or not this was a trial run that leaves us eligible for tax relief and/or military assistance.

UPDATE: We survived.

I made the trip to Barcelona to play in the WPT Spanish Championship. This trip was a big mistake in so many ways, but for this particular post, I’m going to reveal what a true dumbass I really am.

My friend John lives in Barcelona and has for several years. He takes Julie and I down to this famous street called the Ramblas…don’t know if that’s the right spelling, and I don’t give a shit either. He looks at Julie’s wedding ring and suggests she not wear it and says that the only real crime in Barcelona is pick pocketers, so watch your purse and your wallet. I’m guarding my wallet like a pit bull and watching Julie’s purse like a trained assassin.

We are walking down the street and we see statue people. They dress up in unusual costumes and people pay them for this. We stumble onto this group of people in a circle making a lot of noise. I always like to see what’s going on so Julie, John and I squeeze in. The guy has 3 tops of match boxes which he rotates and scrambles while hiding a pea underneath one of them… in essence a shell game. The strange thing about this shell game is that people are winning at it and the pea is actually easy to spot in many cases. Enter dumbass.

More…

I swear Tom and I have not been cheating on each other or Karridy. We just have a sort-of open relationship … the kind where we want to share our aural pleasures with whoever-da-fug will listen all the world. So this week, as in tomorrow, Tom will be appearing on Ante Up! … the other high-quality poker podcast out there. I’m serious — these guys totally don’t suck and are a delight to subscribe to via iTunes.

Meanwhile, I have branched out into the non-poker world — a place where “holding the nuts” has a whole different meaning. Some of you may not know that before converting to poker, I used to advise the readers of Cosmo on what guys are thinking. Funny, I know … and my apologies to all the messed up chicks out there as a result. But regardless, like Frank Constanza going back into the kitchen, I have dusted off those old skills to speak to the ladies of D/FW on Girl Talk. If only Leah’s listeners understood the concept of positive EV!

Just a little something to hold you over until the next episode(s) of Beyond the Table.

THACKERVILLE, Okla.–I don’t usually blog from the bathroom, but that happens to be where I am sitting right now … so I figured I’d share with you what I am reading:

(from top to bottom)

Asians have tiny balls
Takes one to know one
KKK
[picture of tiny penis]
KKK
J.A.W. [hearts] O.V.M.
White people have big small dicks
Hitler wuz here
KKK
Fuck y Niggzers Crackers Pacific Islanders

NOT LAS VEGAS–News media is always on the lookout for the next Jessica-in-the-Well, and yesterday there looked to be a chance of something like it when three teenagers kids ages 8-10 supposedly were trapped on a ledge in Red Rock Canyon — the coolest bit of Nature just outside Vegas. Well it turns out those crafty children were pulling a hoax on the rescue cops.

Anyhow, I’m glad there are no dead kids, because when I first heard the news of the potential tragedy, I instantly thought … “Ooh, this will be a good way to segue into my leftover pictures of Red Rock!”

Click below to see a different side of Vegas … taken one night/morning after leaving the Rio around 6 am, and for whatever reason, instead of going home to bed, decided to keep driving into the mountains:

LAS VEGAS–There was a shooting last night at Caesar’s Palace (also known as the Batface Getaway Resort of choice). Apparently two gentlemen got in an argument over a girl, fisticuffs ensued, and one of them went to the parking lot, returned with a gun, and opened fire upon exiting the elevator. Two people were injured, but no word on whether those shot were the ones that inspired the gun-getting. More here.

This follows a shooting at New York, New York nearly a month ago.

Ahh, the Columbine generation is all grown up now. (Even if the Caesar’s Palace shooter was a Gen-Xer, he had to learn the behavior from somewhere.)

Gambling is obviously bad.

LAS VEGAS–The WSOP may be over, but I can’t seem to leave this town. (Only thing that has me thinking I should start heading back is that I miss my dog.) Anyhow, funky atmospheric conditions going on here. It’s cooler now than it was in June, and it’s even been raining during the hot desert summer days. Like almost real raining.

ALT HED: That’s Poker Weather

We sometimes forget that poker players are a collection of social misfits, sometimes with a lot of money, sometimes not. We also sometimes forget that fame in the poker world is only a speck of dust on the Hollywood radar — and the rest of the world hardly knows a thing about any of our heroes/villains.

Kathy Griffin’s blind date with Mike Matusow:

(via Iggy)

ALT HED: C-List meets P-List

LAS VEGAS–Nothing to do with the WSOP, save for a few off-duty dealers and players who may or may not have been there …

But a gunman tried to pull a mini-Columbine at New York, New York last night, opening fire apparently at random toward and around the “Central Park” area of the casino. No one was killed, five people were hurt. All chips were protected as the shooter popped off 16 caps. In fact, the casino never shut down during the violent remonstrance nor the subsequent pandemonium. They did, however, lock down the tables (does anyone know if they finish the hands in play?) for a few hours, but never stopped patrons from playing the slots. About three hours later, New York, New York was fully operational, as if nothing strange had happened.

From the AP:

“There were flip-flops just laying all over the place like people were running out of their shoes,” Ramos said. “Within a minute and a half there were 30 to 40 police there. The cops just swarmed the place with M-16s and their guns out.”

I knew that damn blackjack shoe had it coming!

LAS VEGAS–So wow, what a night it’s shaping up to be … with 49 players left, Jeff Lisandro is the chip leader, and Tom is second in chips.

I’m not at the Rio right now, am instead sitting solo on my rooftop at Mountains Edge. It’s supposedly 105 degrees right now, but I swear it doesn’t feel warmer than 90. The sky is perfectly clear and the stars are bright. And as I follow the WSOP’s $5,000 No Limit 2-7 Draw w/ Rebuys — Player of the Year on the line — I am encircled by the colorful snap, crackle, and boom of pyrotechnics. Anywhere I look — whether toward the Strip, over Green Valley, behind me in the mountains, North Las Vegas, and even eye-level from one house ever — there are fireworks going off. I can’t do the 360-degree panorama justice with my photographic skills and camera equipment, but I can tell you this is really cool. A second hasn’t passed in the last hour without a sparkle in the sky — some from big fireworks shows, some from big spenders at the roadside stands, and others just shooting off the small things out their windows.

Amazing to think of the thousands inside the Rio (and other casinos for that matter) who haven’t a clue about the brilliance going on all around them. What a celebration of all that is right in Poker America.

UPDATE: Huck Seed has been eliminated. So glad I dropped him from my fantasy team instead of Tom. Change100 is no longer the reporter on duty for PokerNews. That means I no longer have a Tom-pimping connection with the official information provider. Ooh, just saw a really cool blue sparkler, followed by crazy screamers! The sky is really pretty all across the Las Vegas Valley.

LAS VEGAS–We’re coming to the tail end of WSOP Part I. And seeing the opening salvo of WSOP Part II — the parties, the Expo, the main event, yadda yadda.

The biggest deal today is HOWARD AND SUZIE LEDERER’S barbecue (w/ STEPHEN Z) the final table of the $10,000 Pot Limit Omaha World Championship … with DOYLE BRUNSON looking to put the screws to Phil Hellmuth:

Seat 1 - Doyle Brunson - 510,000
Seat 2 - Patrik Antonius - 650,000
Seat 3 - Marco Traniello - 420,000
Seat 4 - Rene Mouritsen - 775,000
Seat 5 - Tommy Ly - 1,895,000
Seat 6 - Jonas Flug-Entin - 445,000
Seat 7 - Steve Sung - 175,000
Seat 8 - Stephen Ladowski - 360,000
Seat 9 - Robert Mizrachi - 1,090,000

Click here to follow the Best of Omaha, semi-live.

If you want to follow it closer-to-live, it’s being video broadcast today. Mean Gene tells me word is that the event won’t be sequestered … instead it will be broadcast without the hour delay, but no hole cards visible.

Meanwhile, at the secondary final table of $1,000 SHOE, PAT POELS (above) looks to reclaim the ARIZONA POSSE bracelet lead as he is gunning for his third. He was chip leader for most of the day yesterday, but took a big hit right at the end.

The Final Table:

Seat 1: Vladimir Shchemelev - 168,000
Seat 2: Chip Jett - 40,000
Seat 3: Dao Bac - 266,000
Seat 4: Imre Leibold - 250,000
Seat 5: Patrick Poels - 53,000
Seat 6: Raymond Davis - 235,000
Seat 7: Adam Geyer - 293,000
Seat 8: Michael Craig - 161,000

Click here to follow today’s most important mixed-games action.

Mad props to fellow Andy Beal stalker blogger MICHAEL CRAIG (left), who has made his second final table of the WSOP (and also has some ARIZONA roots apparently). CHIP JETT (right), who I believe hails from Arizona originally, is fighting to hang.

Tomorrow he and his wife KARINA are hosting an party at a Las Vegas strip club, by the way:

Another player to watch … RAYMOND DAVIS (left — not from Arizona) has also been kicking butt this year, and seems due for big score. LUCKY LIU (right) just missed the final table. He is STEVE WONG’S poker mentor. Shout out … nice go, LL!

Both TOM SCHNEIDER and MICHELE LEWIS are competing in the $1,500 Limit Hold’em Shootout today. Tom made the final table in this event last year, and Michele made a final table in Limit Hold’em, and cashed in a No-Limit shootout.

Since shootouts dictate that only one in 10 move on, Pokerati swears we don’t want to see them at the same table for the sake of PHOTOGRAPHIC CONVENIENCE.

DONKEY BOMBER wants to cash really bad in this — the deeper the better — to lock up Milwaukee’s Best Light Player of the Year. He’s trying to hold off JEFF LISANDRO, who is well-chipped going into Day 2 of the $1,000 No-Limit Hold’em w/ Rebuys event. Interestingly enough, these two have a pending $5,000 bet — not on who will finish higher in the POY standings, but over the NUMBER OF ENTRANTS into the main event. Tom has the under on 5,850.

If you have an opinion about the rightness of Ladies events, JENNIFER NEWELL has an interesting article — and new perspective on tournaments lacking a Y chromosome.

Looks like something out of E.T., no?

This presumably has something to do with why a fourth Day 1 for the main event was added. Really would be unfair to any players who had to start in the “poker superstructure.”

As the WSOP rolls on, the cash games are getting bigger and bigger — but where are the pros? Follow coverage of the LIVE ACTION at PokerWorks.

Dallas Dealer BETH LAIRD, seen here with ALLEN CUNNINGHAM and STEVEN Z(olotow) in the $1,000 2-7 Triple Draw w/ Rebuys.

RAFI AMIT won that event in the early Monday a.m. As they tend to do in mixed games, the ARIZONA POSSE represented … with DANNY FUHS just missing the final table, but still scoring a POSITIVE EV cash.

LAS VEGAS–I’m Michele Lewis, reporting for PokerNews.com: OK, not really, but I play one on TV.

Check it out, the Fresh Princess talking to Thor Hansen about Omaha Hi Lo and $5k 7-stud and, briefly, the WPT’s single-dimensional approach to poker. But the best part is the second half, where they rehash the terror of the “Poker SuperStructure” (Jeff Pollack’s words, not mine) … which succumbed to a fierce Vegas windstorm.

It really was funny/scary. Early in the $1,500 Omaha Hi Lo, Jim Meehan (seated at Michele’s table) was setting an over-under on when the hardwall tent would fall. It was kinda sorta a joke at first, but as the windspeeds picked up and things began shaking almost violently, a few folks were starting to wonder if the WSOP didn’t have a Great White situation developing, not to mention a chip-counting nightmare. Shortly before dinner break, things began snapping, and power on the flat-panel tournament info boards went out. That’s when the highest level suits were called in. And to their credit, they relocated the overflow tables inside the brick-and-mortar poker room (the players and dealers, not the tables themselves).

Just in time … A gaggle of us were at the Masquerade bar at the other end of the Rio celebrating Tom’s bracelet when word came in via text message: One of the walls gave way. Wow. Serious disaster averted. Though Thor suggests maybe not so much.

By the way, these winds, which reached 65 mph in Las Vegas, happen to be fanning wildfires, including one just on the other side of the Red Rock Mountains, the range that marks the Western edge of the Las Vegas metropolitan area.

Who says Las Vegas isn’t for kids? Check out these pictures (sent via a Myspace friend and also found here) … apparently from the Lego amusement park in Carlsbad, Ca.

More…

I think I’m flummoxed. I mean sure, SEO is so 2006 … but Pokerati’s traffic has been growing, our content has been improving, other blogs continue to find reason to link us up, and we’re ready to bust nuts at the super-big frickin’ WSOP! Yet in the eyes of almighty Google, we are less than we once were — as Pokerati’s “page rank” has dropped from 5 to 4.

This may not mean much to most of you, but it’s kind of a bummer to poker web geeks, especially those of us who just finished reading Search Engine Optimization For Dummies. You see, we have long been a 5 here at Pokerati, and frankly, kinda felt like we should be a 6 … or at least wanted to become one because all my friends were 6s. But Big Brother Google must have recently recalibrated its algorithm or something, because their page ranks have dropped, too. Check it out:

Pauly dropped from 6 to 5
PokerProf — from 6 to 4 (LasVegasVegas dropped from 7 to 5)
Bill Rini — from 6 to 5
The Fat Guy — from 6 to 5
Iggy — from 7 to 5
PokerBlog (run by the SEO team at PartyPoker) — from 6 to 4
Wicked Chops — from 5 to 4
PokerWorks — from 6 to 5
CardPlayer — from 7 to 6
Bluff — from 6 to 5
worldseriesofpoker.com — from 7 to 6
PokerStars Blog — hanging tight at 6
Up for Poker — hanging tight at 5
The Poker Biz — from 4 to 3

More…

OK, I am losing faith … I am thinking a few people need to die before poker becomes a priority.

Right now the debate on the Texas House floor is about some consulting fee to improve county jail standards — and it’s turning into a bitter fight about who’s got a worse lock-up, Dallas or Harris County. (Dallas has had major inspection failures four years in a row — and the Dept. of Justice is not happy.)

It’s all reminding me of the last time I followed a specific legislative push in Texas — looking to address dire circumstances faced by prison guards in 2000. The correctional officers had been getting stabbed and beaten at an alarming rate, Hepatitis was running wild, and the gangs were growing stronger with the violence seeping into the free world … and they never got anything heard on the floor. Why? Because too many pols (who weren’t specifically opposed to improving things for prison guards) were afraid of looking soft on crime.

The best EV in the eyes of the Legislature came from just not getting to the matter.

ALT HED: RE: Not-so-Super/System

UPDATE: Here’s the totally non-poker article on Texas’ prison woes, for those who happen to be interested in the potential for bad decision-making by elected officials.

It’s always good to see the non-pokery people paying attention to the poker issues of the day.

Looks like it was a busy weekend for some. I had to pass on my invitation to the Playboy Mansion (yes, seriously, I was invited) as it conflicted with The Cattle Baron’s Ball (which I have worked on all year). Of course, all of my Cattle Baron friends thought I was crazy to pass up on an exciting evening with bunnies but I think I might make it next year.

My husband actually didn’t want to miss the Gala because he had plans to work on some of his new skills. And when I say new, I mean this was his second attempt at what you will see below. Joe Sebok and Gavin Smith, I think you may have a challenge here.

Please don’t try this at home:

I’ve been called away on a poker emergency … am skipping town in a few hours.

OK, I’ll be honest, I have no idea how I can connect the following video to poker, but there’s definitely quasi-possibly some sort of relation, and it would be a shame if you didn’t see our friends in Japan preparing themselves to handle American crime:

Also not related, European betting lines on the existence of extraterrestrial life just experienced a pretty dramatic shift.

OK, seriously, I can’t believe how much time I have wasted today clicking around on Myspace … and there’s not even any nudity! Nope, it’s just been stumbling across old friends and colleagues, new friends, family members … seeing new hairstyles, learning random but important tidbits about people (huh, whaddya know - she’s engaged!), reading random comments, etc. Total bullshit.

But I did get this message a lot, which I found kinda amusing:

Error: You must be someone’s friend to make comments about them.

Ahh, if only that we’re really true.

Those of you who have been ’round these parts for a while already know him well. The rest of you should know him … or maybe not, but all I know is that my life would be significantly less fortunate were it not for “that guy I met on the internet.”

I’m speaking, of course, about The Fat Guy, a great uncle in my blogging come-uppence. He’s a total old-dog web hippie … was trading URLs with Instapundit before link-whoring was cool. He also crafted the Wordpress theme you’re looking at now, and just yesterday he saved this site. Like literally.

We were having some major database problems yesterday — funny, always seems to happen when I anticipate big traffic and start poking around in the code to spruce things up. But yesterday’s crashes were more severe than before, and as I went through trying to fix them, they began to multiply. Tech support advised me that things didn’t look promising — at best I would lose a month’s worth of posts, comments, and structural changes; at worst I would have to recreate the whole site from scraps of code left lying around the hard drive.

I told the server gurus to hold off because I wasn’t ready to believe them, and sent a rather frantic message to TFG, who happened to be two-thirds of the way toward drunk at the time. He said he wasn’t sure what he could do, but he was rolling up his metaphorical sleeves and digging in for dear life. I was scared, and actually began contemplating a life without Pokerati. But apparently The Fat Guy has connections with The Big Guy … because less than an hour later, we were good to go.

So thank you thank you THANK YOU, Scott Chaffin. You rock like all get-out. Everyone should click here to benefit from your geekdom wisdom.

Or click here to listen to a song that was written just for him.

I doubt Tipper Gore has anything to do with this (despite her husband’s inventing the internet) but it looks like Dan may not have to slap a warning label on Pokerati.

Blog on this…Technorati announced it’s first big acquisition today. Hey Dan…I’ve been meaning to ask…is Technorati the father of Pokerati’s baby?

One of my favorite restaurants in Dallas — Merkow’s — has closed. It will apparently re-open as the Greenville Bar & Grill. Bummer. I kinda dug the casual upscale culinary thing, especially when done by a guy with a very Vegasy palette.

Dear Dan,

I want to start by thanking you for your patronage and would like to inform you that Merkow’s has officially closed and will be reopening soon as Greenville Bar and Grill.

In the mean time, Chef Barry will be moving over to Hurricane Grill. We look forward to seeing you soon.

Sincerely,

Greg Merkow

I hear ya, Merk. But I thought your name was spelled with two g’s at the end, yo?

If you need more cowbell then you’ll get it tomorrow when “Blades of Glory” opens. Although I was a champion figure skater (as a child) it’s really Dan that should be in this movie, being that he is gay so funny.

I know this isn’t about Poker but I need a quick distraction from kids, schools, grocery shopping, schools, Poker, Jamie Gold, Harrahs, Schools and my new kitten (replaced my recent loss) who crawls all over my keyboard. Furthermore, Dan isn’t qualified to make this post because his last ticket stub reads “Ice Castles” “Smokey and the Bandit.”

Meanwhile, listen to how this lady plays the Hammer (hint: aggressively) against her son.

You tell me … do you think she’s bluffing?

Click here to hear. (Probably NSFW, FYI.)

ALT HED: The Hammer 911

Episode 2.4.2

The European Union considers fighting American anti-online-gambling laws via the WTO / Washington State looks to undo felony online poker statute / Dan questions Poker Players Alliance lobbying strategy // Tom’s sick of the war in Iraq / Fermat’s Last Theorem in the Middle East // Chaka Khan, Chaka from Land of the Lost, and Amarillo Slim at gunpoint // Russians betting their wives away

Click to listen (15 min, 14 meg)

aired live on Hold’em Radio 1-31-07

To appreciate this photo you have to understand my friend, Stephen. Prior to this Extreme Makeover - Cube Edition, Stephen’s cube walls were lined with $5 bills that he had won by betting on the Bears against everybody else in the office. Let’s just say that there was never a debt paid that didn’t recieve more than adequate dose of smug verbal fandom from our resident IT bookie. Somewhere under the balloons is a genuine Bears helmet that his dad gave to him and will surely and sadly be further bequeathed. He actually flew down to Florida with his Dad and two brothers to attend his beloved Bears Superbowl defeat in person. He’s due back in the office today. Stephen, we missed you.

For those who don’t know, I’m a mild-mannered programmer by day. Okay, I’m actually an Internet Applications Developer. But lately, I’ve been earning the title of C.P.O (Chief Poker Officer). It’s not a bad gig, either. And since I don’t do football or fantasy versions thereof, I can rest easy knowing that I’ve still got a little cooler-speak always on deck. Sure, I might be a lacking conversationalist on almost all other topics, but if you want to debate ways of playing small pairs in early position, well… I have very open-door policy. As I said, It’s a great gig if you can get it.

I do, however, have a word of caution to any person considering treading this rung of the corporate social ladder. Make sure you can back it up. I would like to believe that I can, however a certain recent event proved anything but.

Still fairly new to the company, I accept the task of co-hosting our IT department’s newest team-building exercise. A company sponsored, multi-table freezeout. It truly says something about the perception of poker when a well-to-do, finance-based company kicks in for prizes for such an event. No red tape. No talking to legal to ensure that cash games would not break out. For that matter, I should also mention that we were kindly greeted with a keg of beer for what was intended to be a two-table tourney. Not a bad ratio of beer to player.

Tables are setup and chips are distributed. Poker Timer is running on the big screen and away we go. Fast forward to about 30 minutes later. I am dealt 8c8s in early position. I make a 4x raise, as I’ve been pretty inactive and hope that I have enough image as CPO to induce folds around. Two callers. Board comes 4JJ, rainbow. I bet out and find out that I am exactly where I want to be. A pot size bet is called and the turn brings trash. I am short-stacked and pretty committed at this point. I don’t want to see any more cards, so I move in. After about 30 seconds of thought, I get called by QhKd. No pair, King high. The turn brings the Queen and the CPO is the first player eliminated. My prize is a well-deserved copy of “Poker for Dummies,” which is, semi-ironically, co-authored by one of mine and Dan’s Hold’em Radio colleagues, Lou Krieger. Next up in my Amazon wishlist… “Walking the Walk - for Dummies.”

Texas supposedly has a “weak governor” system — where all the real power resides with the Lt. Gov. and the Lege. But it’s apparently not that weak … as Gov. Rick Perry just signed an “executive order” requiring all sixth grade girls to be vaccinated for HPV. Yeow.

No vote nor anything, but now it’s the way it is. If you are a pre-adolescent chickee, the government needs to inject you so men won’t get warts on their dicks from fucking you bareback to prevent cervical cancer. A few other old men will get extremely rich(er) off their legally enforceable access to your bodies … but hey, that’s not the point now, is it? Now please, enjoy your bump-free vagina (and .000004 percent increase in life expectancy) and be on your way …

Yep, with the stroke of his weak governor’s pen, Rick Perry — George Bush’s ace political understudy — has unilaterally imposed his will on millions of people. Awesome. He also happens to be one of the main guys in Austin pushing for various changes in Texas gambling laws.

I gotta think we might want him on poker’s side.

(Picture: Rick Perry speaking to the ever-poker friendly American Legion.)

UPDATE: Venerable Texas political observer Paul Burka points out that this is already one of the weirdest Legislative sessions he’s seen. And he has some extra insight into just how such an executive order might have come to fruition.

One of the great things about poker is what it can teach you about tilt. Seldom can you see a clearer example of how some less-than-premium early results can force you into a downward spiral of bad decision-making:

ALT HED: Inverse Gonz

Seriously, c’mon … does this guy (right) look like a potentially predatory ephebophile to you?

So David Sklansky, author of The Theory of Poker, had a legally questionable fling with “Saura” … not knowing that she was a 16-year-old runaway. (Aww, that is so sweet … she just needed someone to take care of her.) Mad props to the Sklanster! I mean not for his bridging multiple generation gaps with his comforting arms and Mensa-like mental acuity, but for respecting the principles of open dialog on the internet to such an extreme that he’s letting his own forum serve as the, er, forum for his now-legal lass to share her societally questionable Lolita story. Great for free speech/traffic!

Here’s some of the Saura saga on 2+2.
And here’s some of what Sklansky himself has to say.

Perhaps fueled by the historic Brandi Hawbaker / Tom “Captain Stabbin’” Franklin thread, some 2+2 posters are having a field day attacking the dirty-old-pokerman du jour. I swear, by the tone of some of their posts, you’d think they were talking about this guy: … not this guy .

Fun related commentary at Neverwin, too, as you might expect.

The wheels of poker keep on turnin’. Proud Mary keeps on burnin’ Let’s get right to the news that may or may not be important to you …

PARTYPOKER is moving and shaking with business deals to solidify its presence in ASIA.

INDIA is booming — clearly, it’s the next Czech Republic/Thailand/China/Tibet all rolled into one — and 34-year-old PartyPoker co-founder ANARUG DIKSHIT plays a significant role in this presumably hot emerging economy. (via Forbes)

Here is a video of PartyPoker big-whig BD GOEL leading a panel discussion at a conference for the Bollytech elite:
NOTE: The interesting stuff starts about four minutes in.

And here is a video of some dancing poker chips:

(via LazyDork.com)

Soccerati is one of my new favorite websites — awesome name, by the way — because there’s more to life than just poker, DAVID BECKHAM is coming to America, and I’ve been playing a lot of FIFA ‘07 on the XBOX 360.Click here to see semi-naked pictures of his wife, VICTORIA, pka POSH SPICE. (Welcome to the United States!)

SEAN SALMON is my new favorite MIXED MARTIAL ARTIST. I just learned who he was yesterday last week, and on January 28 he’ll step into the UFC Octagon sporting Guinness-and-Fighting apparel.

Speaking of Indians … Sen. DAVID VITTER (R-Louisiana) wants to introduce legislation to limit campaign contributions from NATIVE AMERICAN TRIBES (the kind that run casinos and send money to TEXAS Republicans to keep the busloads of players coming).

Pokerati is monitoring PARTYGAMING STOCK these days, in part because we just purchased some, believing the company is primed for rebound. But PG co-founder VIKRANT BHARGAVA might see things differently, having just sold a majority of his stake for $100 million.

Meanwhile, the BRITS are cracking down on amateur PUB POKER. Wait, we thought the UK was poker’s biggest ally. Poker world still TOPSY-TURVY.

So here are some more dancing chips:

And this video reminds us we’re still waiting for a true RON CEY of poker to emerge:

In NOVA SCOTIA, authorities are warning bar owners that the ROYAL CANADIAN MOUNTED POLICE will come after them if they keep hosting Texas Hold’em tourneys. (Can’t tell if they are talking about no-money games, too.) The government-poker shakedown seems to be worldwide.

Last year, police in SOUTH CAROLINA were raiding poker games. With trials still pending for 18 arrested players pleading not-guilty, Rep. WALLACE SCARBOROUGH (R-Charleston) is drafting legislation to legalize “recreational” poker games, in the state’s first major revision to its gambling laws in 200 years. (TEXANS, of course, should take note.)

The issue is near-and-dear to OTIS, who hails from the Cocks-loving state and points us to a quality story by BOB PAJICH at CardPlayer (Kudos Bob, and kudos CP, for all the real journalism poker’s mounting legal issues are bringing out in “The Poker Authority.” Refreshing!)

WEST VIRGINIA is also preparing for more-legal gambling, and declare INDIANA, MISSISSIPPI, LOUISIANA, and SOUTH DAKOTA as the models of regulation to follow.

Here’s a video showing the effects of drugs and alcohol on spiders in a way that may or may not apply to plenty of poker players:

Thanks, Tom, for the link!

OK, that’s probably enough for now.

LAS VEGAS–Actually, I kinda like the name “Dartiste” — but that’s not really relevant right now. What is relevant is that darts is a great game, and while I don’t see it ever growing into “the next poker,” I do see it growing into something culturally special.

In fact, can’t believe I missed it, but just a few days ago at the Mandalay Bay was the PartyPoker.net Las Vegas Desert Classic. PartyPoker … darts … Las Vegas … very interesting.

All the right elements (and mechanisms) seem to be in place — the websites, the TV coverage, the anybody-can-play factor … could a new steel-tip scoring system be the darts equivalent of a hole-card cam?